We put our two 4-year-old minds together and came up with some jokes that 8-year-olds would like.
Jay Leno
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We would never believe from our sophomore year that we could put together a team like this our senio...
LEEANN PALO Two brothers were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"And the ...
UNKNOWN It's probably not for 4-year-olds.
DAVID HEYMAN It's getting really popular. We have lots of diversity [ethnically]. We teach every day, Monday to S...
MAURO RAMUALDO Last night we arrested a 13 and 14-year-old in connection with two aggravated robberies last Friday....
KRISTI PANKRATZ Some old-school Madonna and Beyoncé and everyone in the room went from being eighteen-year-olds to ...
LALEH KHADIVI The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.
ANGIE HARMON Taking Big Bird away from our five year olds, lunch money away from our ten year olds, job training ...
JOHN MURRAY As successful as Jay Leno is, Jay Leno hosting the Today' show wouldn't work.
BRUCE DUMONT Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
BILL ENGVALL It is impossible to maintain civilization with 12-year-olds having babies, with 15-year-olds killing...
NEWT GINGRICH In 1999 ... booster seats were used by only 5 percent of 4- to 8-year-olds. By the middle of last ye...
DR. DENNIS DURBIN She is very self-reliant and capable. While she handles some things like a 12-year-old still, I don'...
ALICIA BICKLEY The increases we're seeing are not just with 4-year-olds. We're seeing increases throughout the syst...
JOE PANETTA We realize our offense got a lot of guys back, and we've done a lot of things to improve our defense...
CARSON PALMER We realize our offense got a lot of guys back, and we've done a lot of things to improve our defense...
CARSON PALMER I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. ...
FRED DURST In high school, I taught dance classes for 3-year-olds up to 16-year-olds, so between that and some ...
DIANNA AGRON A lot of 18-year-olds are like old men. They think they've seen everything.
BEN FOLDS We're hoping some brilliant 8-year-old will see a pattern and tell us.
HANK HEASLER It's our belief the 8 year old was isolated in a tent with him during part of that time.
STEVE ALLEN Fashion has this youth mania. But 70-year-old ladies don't have 18-year-old bodies, and 18-year-...
IRIS APFEL I think Jay Leno is fantastic.
BRIAN L. ROBERTS We've always had it in our minds that in five years we had to be champions, ... Of course, we would ...
ANTONIO CUE It will probably attract a lot of 8-year-old boys and 38-year-old dads.
ALLISON SAVICZ We've had trouble playing two halves all year long. We put one half together and we can't put the ne...
JOEL BROWN We just can't seem to put two positive, consistent games together this year. Hopefully, we can chang...
DIRK BESKO You can't put 8- or 10-year-olds out on Loop 360. You need a spot where a coach can watch at close r...
TODD REED A lot of 18-year-olds are like old men. They think they've seen everything.
BEN FOLDS It felt like we were 10 again, but with the legs of 50-year-olds.
GUY LAFLEUR Different children react in different ways. In a situation, I know a lot of children are taught thei...
BARBARA SAUNDERS With 'Stardust', I hope what I was doing is giving 30-year-olds and 40-year-olds and 25-year...
NEIL GAIMAN I have 14-year-olds that are stronger than some adults.
CHRIS SIERZANT They would rather encourage 16-year-olds to go out, strap explosives to them and go out and try to k...
SEAN MCCORMACK Usually for a movie, if you want a 13-year-old, you get a 16-year-old who looks 13, because 13-year-...
ROBBIE COLTRANE Last year when we came, we had some kids who went two-and-out, but this year every kid won a match.
ANDY COULOMBE That's our plan. We're already behind the 8-ball, but we have to do it some time, ... This opportuni...
LARRY MCCLURE Our image has been seen as old and fuddy-duddy. And while we have always appealed to some groups - i...
DUNCAN SIMPSON Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
ERMA BOMBECK We talked about putting four quarters together. I don't know if we have all year. We might put toget...
CHAD SPENCE At some point you run into issues of space. Let's say we offer preschool to all 3-year-olds, can we ...
MATT KLOSTERMAN I saw two 80-year-olds fighting over it at Sam's,
BRIAN NOLAN I'll be very honest, depending on how things go, I could be back here a year from now saying we need...
BILL WISE Everybody wants respect. In their own way, three-year-olds would like respect, and acknowledgment, i...
ARETHA FRANKLIN I thought this would be a tough year for us. We had a lot of new kids and it took longer than I thou...
JASON BECK There are too many 50-year-olds dressing as 20-year-olds.
CARINE ROITFELD It's hard to disagree with Greenspan. Our own market view is equities are fairly valued, but they ha...
DOUGLAS CLIGGOTT I like people-watching and getting inspiration from the unique people who don't follow any fashi...
RILA FUKUSHIMA The problem with the study is that big-box retailers and online retailers are not within the area st...
HANK BARRY This would lead to lower residuals for one, two and possibly three-year-old cars this year.
ADRIAN RUSHMORE We came into the year with some selling pressure, we saw a bounce back for two days, and now we're s...
BRYAN PISKOROWSKI It's all coming together quickly. We still think everything will be ready Saturday. We were hoping t...
BRADLEE DODDS We have an 8-year-old doing gymnastics, and we have a gentleman competing in swimming who is 90 year...
JEFF COLLINS In this league, those four or five plays a year are the difference in a team being 8-8 and 12-4. I t...
GARY KUBIAK Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
ERMA BOMBECK I did standup comedy. I opened once for Jay Leno.
ALAN COLMES We're looking to run well and have some fun this year. Everything came together, and we needed a cha...
CARL DRUM We held our first tournament two years ago, but then things got sidetracked last year. Now we're bac...
AL TELLECHEA You are forgetting the 4-year-old factor.
GEORGE STOVALL This is a win for the 4-year-olds who require pre-K, the low-wealth counties that need assistance wi...
MIKE EASLEY We made up our minds that we VMI 34 CHAR. SOUTH. 12weren't going to let it happen this year.
ROBERT MASON I feel like an old person. I feel like, 'What is this technology?' I think there's some ...
AJ LEE This was really only our fifth game with everybody together this year. We're just now getting into a...
GREG ROBINSON I'm good friends with Jay Leno, good friends with Ed O'Neill, Melanie Fiona and Russell Simm...
KEVIN HART We're in an inflection point where it's cheaper to learn to read on a tablet computer than i...
MICHAEL J. SAYLOR It was heartbreaking when we lost to [Little Rock Christian ] last year. We told our coach two years...
BOBBY MILLER Every year it's a mixture. We have some that retire and some that move out of the area and some of t...
FRANCIS MOORE This is a win for the 4-year-olds who require pre-K, the low-wealth counties that need assistance wi...
MIKE EASLEY Everybody is just really appalled that an 8-year-old would be labeled, even if it's not going in his...
TAMMY BARTH They put it together, this is our third year and we are so excited. We had just 270 riders last year...
JACKIE JENSEN And, of course, I like to spend time with my wife and my two-year-old daughter.
BRIAN MCBRIDE Do we really want 6-year-olds to become street fighters?
DAPHNE WHITE We fully support an 8-year cycle as well. If the commission feels an 8-year cycle will provide that ...
MAYCO VILLAFANA The confidence of Patrick is sky-high right now. To come back from that interception and drive down ...
CLINTON PORTIS The confidence of Patrick is sky-high right now, ... To come back from that interception and drive d...
CLINTON PORTIS The confidence of Patrick is sky-high right now. To come back from that interception and drive down ...
CLINTON PORTIS If we're not going to allow teachers to interfere with a disruptive 8-year-old, then we might as wel...
DICK HARPOOTLIAN -How does someone win?"
-We're seventeen-year-olds with our own island. We're already winners.
ADI ALSAID It's getting pathetic that my 8-year-old son isn't safe in his house.
KEVIN NICHOLS We started slowly, but then began to put things together. We were 3-9 to begin the year, but we have...
BRIAN KEITH One-year-olds learn concealment. Five-year-olds lie outright: they manipulate via flattery. Nine-yea...
PAMELA MEYER Who would have known Gabe Scott would have that type of year? We need someone to step up this year l...
JIM WELLS We grant wishes for 2- to 18-year-olds with life-threatening medical conditions.
DEBBIE HORNE Every year we go to Prairie Winds and it comes up and catches some kids. It was the same this year. ...
BRAD ANDERA The first thing on their minds when the season began was to forget about last year. We just haven't ...
GREG SIMS We had two dates last year ... It was a problem with vendors like getting new furniture and getting ...
BRIAN CUMMINGS We were 4-4 early and we end up 18-9. I think next year will be an interesting season.
LUKE WINDY I expected a one-goal game, but I didn't expect it to be 4-3. We had a problem with our penalty kill...
PAUL TAIBI We had a good season. I'm proud of the guys. They came together. We had mixtures of some solid senio...
JOE SIGRIST Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children.
SITTING BULL It runs the gamut. We'll have 50-year-olds, we'll have 80-year-olds. We'll have couples and people w...
BETH LANE He had a lot of injuries over the years. He cracked both of his cannon bones when he was a two-year-...
HUGH ROBERTSON NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me.
CARSON DALY Higher output at a handful of ramp-up projects combined with the start of full scale mining at Two R...
BRUCE ALWAY Andy Eastwood is our new offensive coach and he's helping us with our man up offense. We had trouble...
ROB ATKINSON Since we lost our quarterback from last year, I thought I should step up because I have some experie...
GARY OWEN Last year, we came up short and our sophomores put it on ourselves that we didn't want to do that ag...
ANTHONY SLACK Our nemesis all year has been offense. When you're struggling on offense like that, the last thing y...
PETE DUNN Weld looked at our two-year-old program and wanted us to help him find a horse that could be fast an...
BILL HEILIGBRODT My guess would be last year alone we looked at 8-10 percent.
CRAIG KEMMERER
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JAY LENO He seemed a little scripted in his speech,
JAY LENO Tonight
JAY LENO nice to see at least one Dodger scoring this year.
JAY LENO He didn't want to sell it, but since he's off steroids he can only wear it as a bracelet now.
JAY LENO You think, well, I can't cry anymore. You go, 'Oh gee,' and you see that pregnant mom, you see that ...
JAY LENO Man, what is it down to, just a couple of voters?
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JAY LENO Bring him on once you catch him.
JAY LENO I guess that would be your sister in Kentucky,
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JAY LENO It's mostly a family story. It's about my mom and my dad. And I come from one of those homes where e...
JAY LENO Have you ever used a fake ID?
JAY LENO Democrats have been complaining that President Bush has spent more than 21 percent of his time in of...
JAY LENO U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking n...
JAY LENO George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out becaus...
JAY LENO A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400.
JAY LENO If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology
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JAY LENO The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't ...
JAY LENO Hillary said today that she knew nothing about her brother's involvement (in Clinton's pardons). I b...
JAY LENO There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our...
JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good?Maybe you're ...
JAY LENO If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates
JAY LENO You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
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JAY LENO The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can fin...
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JAY LENO President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he think...
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JAY LENO Beverly Hills.
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JAY LENO Newsweek reported that 87 Congressman are currently having affairs. In fact, that is why they have r...
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JAY LENO All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.
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JAY LENO John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shu...
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JAY LENO The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a we...
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JAY LENO Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of...
JAY LENO Politics is just show business for ugly people.
JAY LENO A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, ...
JAY LENO My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
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JAY LENO With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tea...
JAY LENO I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They’...
JAY LENO Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But t...
JAY LENO has failed his test of leadership and missed an historic opportunity to stand up for the basic civil...
MARK LENO Society is strongest when it upholds the basic civil rights of all its citizens, including the right...
MARK LENO We're an American Legion post, so we're emphasizing the red, white and blue. But we're also using la...
MARK LENO Ah! What is man? Wherefore does he why? Whence did he whence? Whither is he withering?
DAN LENO Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all California families will have the same protectio...
MARK LENO It's a significant accomplishment. It was a thing of beauty,
MARK LENO He was resolute in his leadership, ... He always said civil rights is civil rights.
MARK LENO When you set aside all the emotion and hyperbole and drama surrounding this bill, it comes down to s...
MARK LENO I couldn't do anything but keep going. It says something for being a little bit tenacious,
MARK LENO We think it'll be tomorrow or Thursday, ... We want to make sure we have a full house of Democrats, ...
MARK LENO I trust that my colleagues are searching their hearts and reading the constitution as they decide th...
MARK LENO We are so very close, ... It would be very disappointing for this body not to be able to stand up fo...
MARK LENO It's just the beginning.
MARK LENO I think there's a better way to approach many of these issues,
MARK LENO It's unfortunate for the Republicans to say if we don't see it their way, we're soft on crime or sup...
MARK LENO No legislative body has ever passed such a measure. It would be historic,
MARK LENO The Democrats are labeled profligate spenders, but I can guarantee I didn't have one bill with a $15...
MARK LENO They are considered no different than married couples with regards to responsibility for children,
MARK LENO No. 1, the crime would not have occurred. And the brutality would not have been (as bad) as it was. ...
MARK LENO He cannot claim to support fair and equal legal protections for same-sex couples, ... and veto the v...
MARK LENO Allowing same-sex couples to access one another's health care plans, make joint medical decisions, i...
MARK LENO The Legislature has done the hard work of picking up the issue of the day, holding public hearings, ...
MARK LENO The issue doesn't go away, ... Support will only increase. The more the public hears about same-sex ...
MARK LENO Margita Thompson has said all kinds of things in the past that have proven not to be true, ... I wil...
MARK LENO It would be highly unusual and a direct insult to the proponents of this bill and the many millions ...
MARK LENO He cannot veto the bill until it gets to his desk, ... It may not get there for a couple more weeks ...
MARK LENO [After first ducking the issue on Wednesday, Schwarzenegger surprised lawmakers with his statement.]...
MARK LENO I believe this is a governor who is a libertarian,
MARK LENO Today represents another milestone toward the fulfillment of the American dream for thousands of les...
MARK LENO Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all Californians, all California's children and fami...
MARK LENO I believe this is a governor who at his core is a libertarian on issues of social matters, ... and t...
MARK LENO The moment I started reading, I was no longer in my bedroom, no longer sad, no longer even myself.
KATRINA LENO It's what everybody is waiting for. Everybody is excited about the World Cup and I hope it gets thin...
LENO RIVERA