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All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.


Jay Leno

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As successful as Jay Leno is, Jay Leno hosting the Today' show wouldn't work.
BRUCE DUMONT I think Jay Leno is fantastic.
BRIAN L. ROBERTS The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.
ANGIE HARMON I did standup comedy. I opened once for Jay Leno.
ALAN COLMES I did Jay Leno with Mike the Situation, and he just - he lives, like, ten minutes from me in Jersey....
QUEEN LATIFAH At its very essence, this is about waiters and waitresses, who work for tips, being told they have t...
JOT CONDIE I hire a lot of waiters, waitresses. Someone who's successful has a background that's not pr...
MICKEY DREXLER I've been on 'Jay Leno,' and everyone likes Jay, but being on that show is a really bori...
HENRY ROLLINS It is vital that we turn this situation around and ensure that developing countries receive the fina...
KOFI ANNAN Jay Leno is not a guy who likes change. He eats the same food every day.
TED ALLEN I'm working on Leno. He's from my home state, Massachusetts. And my home country, Italy. I s...
JOE ARPAIO NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me.
CARSON DALY Heath is not a public kind of guy and this has been rough for him. He has had to go on Oprah Winfrey...
TERRY GILLIAM Jay Leno is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.
BURT REYNOLDS Jay (Leno) is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.
BURT REYNOLDS I'm good friends with Jay Leno, good friends with Ed O'Neill, Melanie Fiona and Russell Simm...
KEVIN HART Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
BILL ENGVALL We got to this situation not overnight. We're not going to turn it around overnight.
GARY HOFFMAN Tip your hat to him and turn the page.
CRAIG MONROE I think we all have to realize that the odds are against it. It is difficult to envision a situation...
FRANK LINDH When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
ANDY ROONEY I've performed on 'The Tonight Show' with both Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, but not at th...
THOMAS F. WILSON Sometimes in golf I've got 10,000 people watching me. Cameras are easy. Doing the Jay Leno show ...
MATT KUCHAR They all think the nuttier they are, the more likely they are to get on David Letterman or Jay Leno,...
BOOMER ESIASON I have tipped waiters, and I have been tipped by waiters.
GEORGE ORWELL I thought it would be neat because if these students go on in acting, they will likely be doing dinn...
AMY COLEMAN All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w...
JOAN DIDION We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It...
COLSON WHITEHEAD I certainly hope so, ... The hospitality industry ... is a really dysfunctional, one-way relationshi...
RYAN REYNOLDS I would not support a McDonald's, a Burger King or a Dunkin' Donuts at that site, but this is a rest...
ALDERMAN GALVIN I would not support a McDonald's, a Burger King or a Dunkin' Donuts at that site, but this is a rest...
ALDERMAN SCOTT GALVIN My first acting gig was a skit for Jay Leno on 'The Tonight Show.' It was this Barbie commer...
BRIE LARSON Now we have one chance in some case, as in this body but in other body we will have + one because we...
DEYTH BANGER We're not going to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. I believe in all the guys in this room, ...
JAMAL MAYERS I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like...
TODD BARRY Time doesn’t really ‘march on’. It tends to tip-toe. There’s no parade. No stomping of boots...
HEATHER BABCOCK [Jay Leno said the Federal Emergency Management Agency head recently appeared at his doorstep and sa...
DAVID LETTERMAN I did not hesitate to put the question that came to the tip of my tongue. After all, if you want to ...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM You have my personal guarantee that all the resources of Ford Motor Company are directed to resolve ...
JAC NASSER I was a big Jay Leno fan, so I was sorry to see him go. But my number one person that I watch, she&#...
MEGYN KELLY At some point you just have to turn around and face your life head on.
CHRIS CLEAVE I don't size up their grades or their board scores. Because in America today, that's just an...
MICKEY DREXLER With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how ...
DOUGLAS RUSHKOFF A few of them have cried. We do this for a lot of waitresses. We talk to them and learn that it's th...
JIM HOUDEK Well, I can turn that question around on you. I think we have enough offense, with the pitching we h...
DAN EVANS Sometimes when a person does things to deliberately hurt you,
All you need to do is shift atlea...
NOMTHANDAZO TSEMBENI A week later, President Bush said his administration's response to Katrina was unacceptable. Then he...
JAY LENO All I ask is that you bust your heiny on that field.
CASEY STENGEL Don't you sit and wonder why a word is spoken? Don't you sit and ask why something is that way? Don'...
KAYLA RAE After driving around your community this afternoon, I have to say that, at all costs, save your cour...
JOE GILLIE Whenever a situation develops to its extreme, it is bound to turn around and become its opposite
FRANK CAPRA “If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't underst...
DAVID BRENT The day that you discover that you are in charge of your life is the day you turn your life around.
PATRICIA FRIPP I am a big car enthusiast. I totally understand guys like Jay Leno who have a thousand cars. But ask...
CASEY JAMES When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, w...
NORM MACDONALD the human rights situation in China is suddenly going to turn around overnight...but it will be an i...
ALEX NEVE Braun took it upon herself when the game got close. She's a good player and you have to tip your hat...
KRAIG TERPSTRA The Bible consistently and directly indicates that when we give generously, we're serving, honoring,...
CRAIG GROESCHEL Our program is different. Our program is used to being in this situation, because that's the biggest...
LUTE OLSON We ask for your patience as we work through this issue and that you share this information with your...
DAVID MARSHALL To stand on the
brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli...
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN If the hotel can even come close to continuing that kind of performance, I think the situation will ...
DAVID PETERSEN we wouldn't ask why a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would ...
TUPAC SHAKUR Once you see the situation that you're in -- and this was a terrible situation -- you try to look at...
CHARLES RICHARDSON A smart woman would have walked away then. She would have lit a match and set fire to the entire clu...
A. ZAVARELLI You have got to turn things around, and you only have a few minutes to do that.
DR. DENNIS WYMAN All they have to do is to turn around and shoot. All the people have to do is to lie down and die.
ARUNDHATI ROY We have to find a way to turn that around. We keep saying it's early in the season. It's going to be...
ERIK CHRISTENSEN If you pour everything you have into this life, this world, which is temporary and fading, you're je...
CRAIG GROESCHEL Stephen Colbert has such a loyal following; I don't know if it's the same with Jay Leno; he ...
LISA HANNIGAN Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU All of a sudden, we’ve lost a lot of control,’ he said. ‘We can’t turn off our internet; we ...
STEVE WOZNIAK Frankly, if you've been in this business long enough, you sort of know, ... Everyone knows where we ...
GARY BARNETT When someone tells me to pray my regards, I always turn around to ask cash or card?
EVERSKEPTIC I would call this the smoking gun. All of us have been concerned and have guessed that the data we h...
GREGORY POLAND You respect all of these people that you know in the business as actors. And they sort of turn aroun...
LUCY LIU Now turn around and go to sleep. I'm warning you that I plan to sleep with you in my arms all night ...
COLLEEN HOUCK You have to have a powerful earnings turn around this year to justify gains from current levels,
JAMES AWAD I can't even
SARAH VAN WATERSCHOOT We ask our waiters to get the ingredients ready as fast as they can as we don't want our customers t...
JIANGUO LIU If you don't like how things turn out to be, do something about it. -Jay Vin Foong
JAY VIN FOONG I want to take all the pain that I feel and celebrate and turn it around.
STEVIE WONDER Americans who read the papers or watch Jay Leno have been aware for some time now that there is a sl...
RUSTY SCHWEICKART Our lives!!! We have just all of a sudden discovered that here we are with something called life see...
SUNDAY ADELAJA It's hard to not ask for an autograph. We went to the banquet and here I was around Johnny Damon and...
KALIN DREYER There is an attitude that it's this no-holds-barred, test-your-limits situation. Unfortunately, this...
MAKEDA KEFALE Peer pressure is something everyone will face in school. You have to really go by what you think is ...
MADISEN BEATY We have to turn this around in our room before we can start looking at other people.
ALEX STEEN Lull me with your lullabies.. Serenade me with your souls. Make me dance with symphonies.. Do jazz w...
KIM JOHN A. AGUIRRE Are you starting to believe in Pittsburgh again? Are you sure? We need to start believing in ourselv...
BOB O'CONNOR Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. I will go where you go and live where you live. Your people...
BIBLE We have to stop this chain. We want to get the message out there that you have your whole life in fr...
DANA MARTELL Unless you're prepared to deal with the aftermath, never invite yourself to a situation where your p...
TERRY A O'NEAL I did everything I could to turn around the situation but I didn't succeed so I've decided to call i...
LUIS CAMPOS I'm really into lip cream. I have this one by Hourglass: it's an oil with this gold-tip appl...
ANNA KENDRICK Creative thinking encompassed by the Word of God infuses into you the divine ability to turn the see...
JAACHYNMA N.E. AGU The proof of the pudding is in the eating. We can talk about having a lot of games left and we can t...
SKIP PROSSER I've followed the lives of great musicians and have learned that you don't have to always wr...
KAKI KING The dog is a reflection of your energy, of your behavior. You have to ask, 'What am I doing?'...
CESAR MILLAN The key to Jay making that game-winning shot was that we got him into the best possible situation. H...
MARK RITTER

More Jay Leno

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't f...
JAY LENO If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
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JAY LENO Martha Stewart stuffed and roasted canaries and found they could no longer sing.
JAY LENO You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.
JAY LENO If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
JAY LENO Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
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JAY LENO I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
JAY LENO For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that mak...
JAY LENO If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet...
JAY LENO Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
JAY LENO President Bush is taking the entire month of August off. Bush said today he thinks it is important f...
JAY LENO Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, so...
JAY LENO In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
JAY LENO Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
JAY LENO There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from c...
JAY LENO a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift for a guy... the plant is already dead (monologue Dec 10 2003).
JAY LENO Vice President Dick Cheney is currently out in South Dakota on a three-day hunting trip. What better...
JAY LENO The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a we...
JAY LENO Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will ...
JAY LENO There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give every...
JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're...
JAY LENO The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
JAY LENO I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'W...
JAY LENO How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?
JAY LENO Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
JAY LENO Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Tea...
JAY LENO Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are...
JAY LENO Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a gu...
JAY LENO I just got a phone call that Tom Cruise had a baby girl about two minutes ago. No joke.
JAY LENO Did you hear about this story? ... Several Minnesota Vikings players are being investigated after a ...
JAY LENO Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who could...
JAY LENO It seems an Iranian-born German soccer star is refusing to play in his team's next match because it'...
JAY LENO The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors ...
JAY LENO President Bush agreed today to allow more weapons inspectors in Iraq. As I understand he has 250,000...
JAY LENO Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How di...
JAY LENO I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, F...
JAY LENO Luckily, when I was a kid, Ritalin hadn't been invented yet,
JAY LENO John Kerry met with Al Sharpton. Can you see the two of them standing together? It'd look like Abe L...
JAY LENO For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.
JAY LENO I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "W...
JAY LENO More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistress...
JAY LENO CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's ...
JAY LENO The White House began airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry camp...
JAY LENO Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. B...
JAY LENO I was a little kid and I was fascinated by the roast beef going around the spit. So I took out my li...
JAY LENO Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember th...
JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you...
JAY LENO A week later, President Bush said his administration's response to Katrina was unacceptable. Then he...
JAY LENO Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that S...
JAY LENO We have an important decision to make now about who controls Iraq. You know, that's a critical quest...
JAY LENO Dick Cheney has announced that he has agreed to be Bush's running mate in 2004. Cheney says wants fo...
JAY LENO Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lotter...
JAY LENO Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, ...
JAY LENO According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works ou...
JAY LENO One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Ara...
JAY LENO They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 mill...
JAY LENO In a speech yesterday John Kerry said that before November he may go to Iraq. Is that a good idea fo...
JAY LENO The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You kno...
JAY LENO Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind...
JAY LENO According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton...
JAY LENO Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. Y...
JAY LENO The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry You can understand why...
JAY LENO Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is fi...
JAY LENO A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he c...
JAY LENO John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks...
JAY LENO Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at...
JAY LENO Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? ...
JAY LENO Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be th...
JAY LENO War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operat...
JAY LENO You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
JAY LENO Shaquille O'Neal, ... has signed a five-year, $100-million contract extension with the Miami Heat. ....
JAY LENO telling you how tough it was in the old days -- how cramped it was, how small it was, how lucky you ...
JAY LENO Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-ele...
JAY LENO Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bo...
JAY LENO New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive
JAY LENO President Bush said for security reasons, he's sworn off all e-mail communication. He will not be us...
JAY LENO Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.
JAY LENO Why do elephants go swimming? To get their trunks wet.
JAY LENO Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic...
JAY LENO There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad. Parts of him were also spotted in...
JAY LENO If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
JAY LENO In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administrati...
JAY LENO The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn'...
JAY LENO President Clinton, this guy is sharp. Boy, he gave Hillary the most romantic Valentine's gift today,...
JAY LENO On Monday, President Bush will reach his 100th day in office. It's a big milestone for him, surpasse...
JAY LENO Plus, I promised Mavis (his wife) I would take her out for dinner before I turned 60.
JAY LENO John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, ...
JAY LENO Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has ...
JAY LENO The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Te...
JAY LENO Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, afte...
JAY LENO He seemed a little scripted in his speech,
JAY LENO We put our two 4-year-old minds together and came up with some jokes that 8-year-olds would like.
JAY LENO Tonight
JAY LENO nice to see at least one Dodger scoring this year.
JAY LENO He didn't want to sell it, but since he's off steroids he can only wear it as a bracelet now.
JAY LENO You think, well, I can't cry anymore. You go, 'Oh gee,' and you see that pregnant mom, you see that ...
JAY LENO Man, what is it down to, just a couple of voters?
JAY LENO The critics said, 'Well, Arnold can't be an administrator, he's an actor. Arnold can't be an environ...
JAY LENO I thought he looked quite good in his flight suit landing on the aircraft carrier. He looked very na...
JAY LENO It's a big showroom at MGM. It will bring in a few thousand people because it's free. When times are...
JAY LENO Bring him on once you catch him.
JAY LENO I guess that would be your sister in Kentucky,
JAY LENO Hillary Clinton is getting a little bit of controversy because she has the most expensive hometown o...
JAY LENO It's mostly a family story. It's about my mom and my dad. And I come from one of those homes where e...
JAY LENO Have you ever used a fake ID?
JAY LENO Democrats have been complaining that President Bush has spent more than 21 percent of his time in of...
JAY LENO U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking n...
JAY LENO George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out becaus...
JAY LENO A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400.
JAY LENO If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology
JAY LENO An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant op...
JAY LENO The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't ...
JAY LENO Hillary said today that she knew nothing about her brother's involvement (in Clinton's pardons). I b...
JAY LENO There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our...
JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good?Maybe you're ...
JAY LENO If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates
JAY LENO You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
JAY LENO America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to allow advertising in its chat ...
JAY LENO The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can fin...
JAY LENO I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call ...
JAY LENO President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he think...
JAY LENO In just two weeks, Bill Clinton will no longer be President of the United States. He'll just be anot...
JAY LENO Beverly Hills.
JAY LENO Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with ...
JAY LENO (The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep gettin...
JAY LENO Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. Thi...
JAY LENO Dick Cheney told reports that he has a new outlook on life. He says the best part of waking up is......
JAY LENO The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with cri...
JAY LENO Well that's a nice thing, ... Mom, I'm making millions now. I got you a new dryer.'
JAY LENO President Bush played golf yesterday and I understand Vice President Dick Cheney also got in a coupl...
JAY LENO At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Dick Cheney had a huge steak and battere...
JAY LENO Vice President Dick Cheney said he is upset when critics say [the administration] lied us into the w...
JAY LENO John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used...
JAY LENO John Kerry said today that he stands by ... his claim that certain foreign leaders have told him tha...
JAY LENO John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take he...
JAY LENO Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign for health reasons....
JAY LENO Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or eve...
JAY LENO Newsweek reported that 87 Congressman are currently having affairs. In fact, that is why they have r...
JAY LENO The Pentagon said today they're sending another 100,000 troops into the Gulf. We have 250,000 there ...
JAY LENO Tip flying in the winter: Book an afternoonflight. The airport security personell has warmed their h...
JAY LENO The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's Presid...
JAY LENO Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy wit...
JAY LENO According to doctors, George Bush has the lowest heartbeat ever recorded by someone in the White Hou...
JAY LENO President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq....
JAY LENO I’m a great believer in low self-esteem. Self-esteem is great for actors and criminals. I assume e...
JAY LENO Marriage is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
JAY LENO Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8M for his memoir, Hillary got $8M for her memoir. That is $...
JAY LENO Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign? Know what sign? 'For Sale.'
JAY LENO Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton is now facing a kind of personal dilemma. She can't decide whether to...
JAY LENO In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and th...
JAY LENO Politics is just show business for ugly people
JAY LENO President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style dem...
JAY LENO Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, ...
JAY LENO John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shu...
JAY LENO There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, ...
JAY LENO The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a we...
JAY LENO The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' ...
JAY LENO Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of...
JAY LENO Politics is just show business for ugly people.
JAY LENO A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, ...
JAY LENO My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
JAY LENO Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back togethe...
JAY LENO With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tea...
JAY LENO I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They’...
JAY LENO Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But t...
JAY LENO has failed his test of leadership and missed an historic opportunity to stand up for the basic civil...
MARK LENO Society is strongest when it upholds the basic civil rights of all its citizens, including the right...
MARK LENO We're an American Legion post, so we're emphasizing the red, white and blue. But we're also using la...
MARK LENO Ah! What is man? Wherefore does he why? Whence did he whence? Whither is he withering?
DAN LENO Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all California families will have the same protectio...
MARK LENO It's a significant accomplishment. It was a thing of beauty,
MARK LENO He was resolute in his leadership, ... He always said civil rights is civil rights.
MARK LENO When you set aside all the emotion and hyperbole and drama surrounding this bill, it comes down to s...
MARK LENO I couldn't do anything but keep going. It says something for being a little bit tenacious,
MARK LENO We think it'll be tomorrow or Thursday, ... We want to make sure we have a full house of Democrats, ...
MARK LENO I trust that my colleagues are searching their hearts and reading the constitution as they decide th...
MARK LENO We are so very close, ... It would be very disappointing for this body not to be able to stand up fo...
MARK LENO It's just the beginning.
MARK LENO I think there's a better way to approach many of these issues,
MARK LENO It's unfortunate for the Republicans to say if we don't see it their way, we're soft on crime or sup...
MARK LENO No legislative body has ever passed such a measure. It would be historic,
MARK LENO The Democrats are labeled profligate spenders, but I can guarantee I didn't have one bill with a $15...
MARK LENO They are considered no different than married couples with regards to responsibility for children,
MARK LENO No. 1, the crime would not have occurred. And the brutality would not have been (as bad) as it was. ...
MARK LENO He cannot claim to support fair and equal legal protections for same-sex couples, ... and veto the v...
MARK LENO Allowing same-sex couples to access one another's health care plans, make joint medical decisions, i...
MARK LENO The Legislature has done the hard work of picking up the issue of the day, holding public hearings, ...
MARK LENO The issue doesn't go away, ... Support will only increase. The more the public hears about same-sex ...
MARK LENO Margita Thompson has said all kinds of things in the past that have proven not to be true, ... I wil...
MARK LENO It would be highly unusual and a direct insult to the proponents of this bill and the many millions ...
MARK LENO He cannot veto the bill until it gets to his desk, ... It may not get there for a couple more weeks ...
MARK LENO [After first ducking the issue on Wednesday, Schwarzenegger surprised lawmakers with his statement.]...
MARK LENO I believe this is a governor who is a libertarian,
MARK LENO Today represents another milestone toward the fulfillment of the American dream for thousands of les...
MARK LENO Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all Californians, all California's children and fami...
MARK LENO I believe this is a governor who at his core is a libertarian on issues of social matters, ... and t...
MARK LENO The moment I started reading, I was no longer in my bedroom, no longer sad, no longer even myself.
KATRINA LENO It's what everybody is waiting for. Everybody is excited about the World Cup and I hope it gets thin...
LENO RIVERA