Chelsea Handler
Related Even a liberal city will have a prehistoric homophobe. After a show in Washington State, this guy ca... JAMES ADOMIAN AMITABH BACHCHAN THEODORE BIKEL NICOLE ARI PARKER ANONYMOUS I dated a guy and he liked me but I didn't like him. I went through his wardrobe and cleaned out... PATTI STANGER In my relationship with a young guy I was going with in a band - his name was Sylvester, and I think... BARBARA LYNN BARBRA STREISAND I had to have my first kiss in front of, like, a hundred people. I didn't know what to do. So my... LACEY CHABERT I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES JESSE VENTURA I don't like getting up in front of people and being the loud one when everybody's out quiet... TRAVIS FIMMEL ANGIE HARMON When you are up front, they don't let you go. I had a bad day in Andorra [yesterday] and in Cerler t... CARLOS GARCIA Once, I was coming back from school, and there was this guy who was eve-teasing me and my friend. I ... ANUSHKA SHARMA Someone asked me years ago if it were true that I disliked Jews, and I replied that it was certainly... ALBERT J. NOCK LOUIS FARRAKHAN Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat... COLIN QUINN BO BURNHAM ZAC EFRON AYELET ZURER DANA CARVEY I'd say specifically after 'Get Smart,' people now know me either as The Guy from 'G... NATE TORRENCE After we'd filmed one series of 'Kiss Me Kate,' everyone was saying: 'The guy's ... DARREN BOYD A famous actor told me once - I don't want to name names, I hate that sort of thing - but I was ... SAM CLAFLIN I told him like I told everyone on national television that I didn't intentionally hit him but it wa... RYAN NEWMAN I've never really felt like a veteran. I've never felt like the guy who's like, 'OK,... A.J. STYLES KYLIE JENNER JUDITH BUTLER I'd say, specifically after 'Get Smart,' people now know me either as The Guy from '... NATE TORRENCE It was weird. Like, people came up to me and knew me as Daredevil before any footage had come out. I... CHARLIE COX WIZ KHALIFA I inherited them, so I got it like that. But I hear you can actually get dimples for a certain price... CAMILLE GUATY SIMON WIESENTHAL I like my name. My mom named me after a song by the 1970s group Bread. So, it's meaningful, and ... AUBREY PLAZA JAMES BROWN PAUL MERTON I never learned music. I'm quite uneducated, and usually I sat in front of the TV, with soap ope... GRAHAM PARKER LOU HOLTZ People tell me I'm like the country version of Justin Timberlake. Actually, the other day someon... THOMAS RHETT I tried to get a job as a TV cameraman and they basically told me, 'You're mad, everyone wan... MARTIN CAMPBELL STEVEN SPIELBERG My father's name is Dee, so when I was born they named me Katherine Dee and they took the K from... KADEE STRICKLAND I went home one night and told my dad that an older kid was picking on me. My Dad, a Korean War vet ... STEVE WILKOS It was a bad throw by me, absolutely awful. Stephen was the check down. I saw him there and took my ... JAKE DELHOMME PSY ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO They gave me 18 experiments to complete in my 10 days in the ISS. That's a lot. Everyone told me... YI SO-YEON I got off stage and this guy walked up to me. He's like this ball of energy. His name was Lawrence M... JASON ALDEAN I have a four year old and I'm telling you we did Nickelodeon last night and he embarrassed me. ... NIA LONG XAVIER RUDD On my Instagram, lots of people tag me in photos of just dudes with beards, and they're like, &#... CHET FAKER Aye, well, I've got my garden. LIKE I I told my Nike representative, 'Why didn't you guys use me for this?''' Williams said, laughing. LIKE I On the interception, I was out of bounds, LIKE I casually made his 'abort black fetuses' argument. LIKE I I can field my position. If I start worrying about being ready for a line drive too soon that means ... LIKE I I told him that he played a great game,'' said Falcons quarterback Michael Vick , who like Manning w... LIKE I I was so concerned with getting the ball out of my hands and not taking the sack, that sometimes I t... LIKE I I knew I had to throw the ball better,'' Manning said of his poor start. LIKE I I think the reason that I have that title or that moniker is because people don't know what to expec... LIKE I You're either ready and prepared to take on the task, or you're not,'' he said. LIKE I I did not have one butterfly out there today,'' he said. LIKE I Married to the Mob. LIKE I Hello you're with Drudge. LIKE I I don't expect Christian Fundamentalists to reach out to me. They are adamant that homosexuals are i... LIKE I throw enough shit at the wall and some should stick? LIKE I I'm not happy, that's all I can say about it,'' he said. LIKE I GARTH BROOKS JOHN BARROWMAN CEELO GREEN I become a better actor after I step on a stage in front of, like, 500 people when it's just me,... BRYAN GREENBERG GRACE JONES TOM COLICCHIO ZUBIN MEHTA People like my voice and say I can sing, but I don't like microphones in front of my face: it di... BERNIE WORRELL HENNY YOUNGMAN JOHN CENA BARBRA STREISAND MICHAEL JACKSON After I false-started once, I felt like he targeted me on the second one, so I just sat there and wa... ELLI OCHOWICZ I used to work at this store, and I got fired when I actually booked the job on 'Glee' becau... TAYLOUR PAIGE I was a dramatic kid. I was always like, 'Watch me put on my play, Mom and Dad! You have to watc... LAURA HARRIER OWAIN YEOMAN BILL HADER JIMMY FALLON ARI GRAYNOR MICHAEL J. FOX My dad once told me, he was like, 'The only time you should lie is when someone's holding a ... JADEN SMITH I have always lived in Amsterdam. During the war, we inhabited the Rivieren neighborhood where many ... ELS BORST I was brought up a Jew but, you know, that way of being Jewish - the New York way. We were stomach J... HOWARD JACOBSON CHANCE THE RAPPER JEFF DUNHAM ROBERT KRAFT KYLIE JENNER I've broken my nose, I've broken ribs. You name it. In fact, we just got back from South Ame... KEITH EMERSON KEVIN NEALON I've always played some version of a nerdy guy or something like that. I mean, one of my story l... KUMAIL NANJIANI MILEY CYRUS When I was doing the first 'American Pie' movie, I was just happy to have a job. We had a go... THOMAS IAN NICHOLAS
More Chelsea Handler
CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER I didn't like books where people played on a sports team and won a bunch of games, or went to su... DANIEL HANDLER I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion - just when we'r... DANIEL HANDLER Blank paper has always inspired me. DANIEL HANDLER I'm dumping the whole box back into your life Ed, every item of you and me. I'm dumping this box on ... DANIEL HANDLER I thought the Barbie doll would always be successful. RUTH HANDLER Through their play Barbara imagined their lives as adults. They used the dolls to reflect the adult ... RUTH HANDLER They were using the dolls to project their dreams of their own futures as adult women. RUTH HANDLER When you start writing a picture book, you have to write a manuscript that has enough language to pr... DANIEL HANDLER It's full of depressing details about the children's lives, ... and, I'm sorry to say, it's the long... DANIEL HANDLER My first novel took almost six years to sell and was rejected 37 times in the interim, and then fina... DANIEL HANDLER Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies DANIEL HANDLER The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it tur... DANIEL HANDLER Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you're the one keeping them, I'll be th... DANIEL HANDLER For most people, the two primary relationships they have are with their families or romantic ones. A... DANIEL HANDLER I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dul... DANIEL HANDLER I don't know whether it's digital effects or if they trained a baby to bite through steel. I'm not s... DANIEL HANDLER There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the direc... DANIEL HANDLER They really like going to buy fresh roast coffee at cheap prices. DAN HANDLER I'm not a believer in predetermined fates, being rewarded for one's efforts. I'm not a believer in k... DANIEL HANDLER Different beans have different characteristics. Each has their own character and you blend them to g... DAN HANDLER Book thirteen marks the return of a reptile previously gone missing. DANIEL HANDLER I was interested in finding ways to do dark comedy that were actually dark and comic. DANIEL HANDLER People can expect poisonous mushrooms, ... And then only if they open the book. DANIEL HANDLER The way Sunny speaks in the books seems a perfect fit for the cause in question. She often uses word... DANIEL HANDLER A nice thing about children's books, though I'm probably alone in this opinion among people who writ... DANIEL HANDLER And she has a fairly consistent political agenda. She's a baby, so individual liberty is a developin... DANIEL HANDLER Watch Your Mouth. DANIEL HANDLER A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is... DANIEL HANDLER For every girl I thought I was uncomplicated sex, it wasn't. Put it this way: if you can't see the c... DANIEL HANDLER Fred Weinberger lent Mark the money directly and not to his company. ROBERT HANDLER Love was in the air, so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner. DANIEL HANDLER They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this... DANIEL HANDLER I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we... DANIEL HANDLER This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut. DANIEL HANDLER Kristen is looking at me like I'm a plume of smoke in the kitchen, right before you yell fire! DANIEL HANDLER The idea was women on boats. Lifeline Cruises pitched itself to women seeking adventure, whether a d... DANIEL HANDLER I was looking for something more personal and more stable and more fun. DAN HANDLER And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole lif... DANIEL HANDLER And then the third night was after we broke up, which was worth a million matches but instead just t... DANIEL HANDLER ...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted. DANIEL HANDLER who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out. DANIEL HANDLER Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody ... DANIEL HANDLER Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, an... DANIEL HANDLER I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire. DANIEL HANDLER They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses. DANIEL HANDLER Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to s... DANIEL HANDLER The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it tur... DANIEL HANDLER You either have the feeling or you don’t. DANIEL HANDLER And this note was a jittery time bomb, ticking beneath my normal life, in my pocket all day firecely... DANIEL HANDLER How wrong to think I was anyone else, like thinking grass stains make you a beautiful view, like get... DANIEL HANDLER It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world. DANIEL HANDLER And the truth is that I'm not , Ed, is what I wanted to tell you. I'm not arty like everyone s... DANIEL HANDLER I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did. DANIEL HANDLER I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. An... DANIEL HANDLER I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not someth... DANIEL HANDLER Ed, it was everything, those nights on the phone, everything we said until late became later and the... DANIEL HANDLER I started making plans, thinking we would get that far. DANIEL HANDLER I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy. DANIEL HANDLER Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass. DANIEL HANDLER Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemeter... DANIEL HANDLER Shit, I guess I already loved you then. Doomed like a wineglass knowing it’ll get dropped someday,... DANIEL HANDLER I know you can't see it, not you, Ed, but maybe if I tell you the whole plot you'll understand it th... DANIEL HANDLER How many happy people do you think there are in the world? Twelve? DANIEL HANDLER I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort. DANIEL HANDLER I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither h... DANIEL HANDLER Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine. DANIEL HANDLER I can cook anything. DANIEL HANDLER I write longhand on legal pads, about half at home and half in cafes. I drink a lot of water and eat... DANIEL HANDLER I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it... DANIEL HANDLER I kind of always think my work is unfilmable, and when I meet people who are interested in filming i... DANIEL HANDLER I was not a particularly brave child, I think, because I had a narrative mind, because my mind autom... DANIEL HANDLER I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working. DANIEL HANDLER You see failed vocabulary in the adult world so often, and it's often because once you reach a c... DANIEL HANDLER I'm always interested to see what films are made of books. I kind of don't participate as a ... DANIEL HANDLER If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the ... DANIEL HANDLER 'The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous in... DANIEL HANDLER The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wo... DANIEL HANDLER So many people: Lucille Ball is the earliest incarnation of a woman I thought was funny, Joan Rivers... CHELSEA PERETTI CHELSEA CLINTON There's something about the Pacific Northwest, the scale of it, and the fact that not so long ag... CHELSEA CAIN CHELSEA SEDOTI CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA LEYLAND CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA LEYLAND CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON
I felt that for 20 years, I was wooing the people of my country and asking them to like me as an act... 
I refuse to do shows that are narrowly constructed, that appeal to only one sentiment. I do a lot of... 
A guy once told me that I sound like I'm a little ahead of myself. I can't wait to thank him... 
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ... 
I wish I could be like Shaw who once read a bad review of one of his plays, called the critic and sa... 
My father used to always say to me that, you know, if a guy goes out to steal a loaf of bread to fee... 
After I quote unquote came out as a Republican, one of my dearest gay friends said to me, 'You&#... 
The Jews don't like Farrakhan, so they call me Hitler. Well, that's a good name. Hitler was a very g... 
For me, comedy is constantly presented as this fake casualness, like a guy just walked on stage goin... 
A woman called me interesting once, and it kind of blew my mind. She said, 'You're one of th... 
The age of 20 was all about stupid things. I did crazy things but never lost it. I was, you know, a ... 
I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gor... 
I wake up every morning at, like, seven or eight because I think that there's a bad story about ... 
When one set of Jews labels another set of Jews 'anti-Semitic,' they are trying to monopoliz... 
The name 'Wiz' comes from me being the youngest dude in my age group of people that I hung o... 
I was over four years in different camps with people from 15 nations: Jews, Gentiles, Gypsies, commu... 
I used to think like Moses. That knocked me down for a couple years and put me in prison. Then I sta... 
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn&... 
We were at a beach one summer, and I had a bathing suit on. My wife looked at me and said: 'Boy,... 
When I was very young, I remember my mother telling me about a friend of hers in Germany, a pianist ... 
I really like the P!nk song with the guy from fun., 'Just Give Me a Reason.' 
I remember once seeing a guy in the grocery store who looked so much like my character the Archangel... 
My dad was a really good surfer, and by the time I was 10, he was dragging me out on some good days ... 
I'd love to play a villain in a movie, the kind of bad guy you would never think of me being abl... 
'Desperate Housewives' was a good experience, though, as I got to play the bad guy for once.... 
I'm like Shrek. Shrek's a nice guy, but people keep alienating him, like they did with me in... 
I've had more misrepresentations than I can handle, and people have told the wickedest lies abou... 
A couple of months ago, I was down in Florida for the Food and Wine Festival. And this journalist gr... 
Wagner's philosophy had absolutely nothing to do with Bruckner. Bruckner hadn't written a si... 
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that... 
I have certain things that I stand for, certain things that I believe in, and if you don't like ... 
I wish I could be like Shaw who once read a bad review of one of his plays, called the critic and sa... 
They [the Jews] suck them like leeches. I'm so tired of it. They start out the most popular person i... 
I was doing a scene in a medical tent in 18th-century battle dress, pantaloons and a ripped shirt, a... 
To be totally honest? I don't know if I'll keep doing more impressions. People told me I had... 
I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'... 
I was a highly sensitive kid, sort of an old soul, and I felt like a lot of people in my peer group ... 
You've probably read in People that I'm a nice guy - but when the doctor first told me I had... 
One of the first times I ever performed in front of a big group of people was at my kindergarten gra... 
I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, a... 
I'm not a Starbucks guy. I'm a Dunkin Donuts guy, but I like to pay for the coffee of the ot... 
Having a reality TV show, everyone feels like they know you, but that's only 10% of my life. The... 
A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds... 
If I could get any animal it would be a dolphin. I want one so bad. Me and my mom went swimming with... 
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter. 
The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it'... 
You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big b... 
When my father announced his campaign for president on Oct. 3, 1991, I had already cast my vote in f... 
While watching the revelry in the Barn, I'd had an epiphany. Parties weren't just about who was who ... 
Unfortunately, it seems to me that when it comes to issues affecting the trans community, most peopl... 
Suffrage is not a right afforded to everyone. Rather, voting is a privilege in the United States - a... 
Wear an unusual accessory to complete your outfit. 
I've always been incredibly proud of both of my parents and proud of the work I had done private... 
The best thing about being a DJ is making people happy. There is nothing like seeing people get up f... 
Having a birthday around the holidays was never easy and, with every successive year, it felt more a... 
I believe that engaging in the political process is part of being a good person.