More Daniel Handler

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
CHELSEA HANDLER

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it'...
CHELSEA HANDLER

You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big b...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
CHELSEA HANDLER

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do t...
CHELSEA HANDLER

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd l...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly...
CHELSEA HANDLER I thought the Barbie doll would always be successful.
RUTH HANDLER Through their play Barbara imagined their lives as adults. They used the dolls to reflect the adult ...
RUTH HANDLER

We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'Th...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and cha...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denia...
CHELSEA HANDLER

It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down-to-earth, low-key people I know.
CHELSEA HANDLER They were using the dolls to project their dreams of their own futures as adult women.
RUTH HANDLER

I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven ve...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around...
CHELSEA HANDLER

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
CHELSEA HANDLER

Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else'...
CHELSEA HANDLER

The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.
CHELSEA HANDLER

Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of h...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll ha...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking abo...
CHELSEA HANDLER

As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always t...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
CHELSEA HANDLER

If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk abou...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from t...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be...
CHELSEA HANDLER

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe ca...
CHELSEA HANDLER

We went to a Barnes and Noble, where I picked up an unauthorized
biography of M.C. Hammer, and ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I had always dreamed of being a professional escort but never thought that there was any real money ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

There are many ways to get to know someone, and my favorite is seeing them naked in Happy Baby pose....
CHELSEA HANDLER

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jump...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.
CHELSEA HANDLER

Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the firs...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
CHELSEA HANDLER

It's not the concept of marriage I have a problem with. I'd like to get married too. A couple times....
CHELSEA HANDLER

We got to his place and it looked a lot like his personality. Just a bunch of space filler, nothing ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush sp...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around b...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
CHELSEA HANDLER

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
CHELSEA HANDLER

Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours of the morning when he ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends lik...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his...
CHELSEA HANDLER

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and cal...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Have you ever experienced a pain so sharp in your heart that it's all you can do to take a breath? I...
CHELSEA HANDLER

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbli...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I'm a late-night host that doesn't want to be tied down by time or television or even hostin...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looki...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she'...
CHELSEA HANDLER

When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, peopl...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite th...
CHELSEA HANDLER They really like going to buy fresh roast coffee at cheap prices.
DAN HANDLER

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink ag...
CHELSEA HANDLER

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
CHELSEA HANDLER

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not inter...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.
CHELSEA HANDLER Different beans have different characteristics. Each has their own character and you blend them to g...
DAN HANDLER

I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.
CHELSEA HANDLER Fred Weinberger lent Mark the money directly and not to his company.
ROBERT HANDLER

I could tell the raciest things these women had ever been involved in was a co-ed game of Connect Fo...
CHELSEA HANDLER

My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definit...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magaz...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I didn't really spend much time with anyone my own age during high school because I believed my true...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian...
CHELSEA HANDLER I was looking for something more personal and more stable and more fun.
DAN HANDLER

The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm w...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I’m a murderer, Ted! I’m a murderer. A dog murderer! I’m just like Phil Spector minus the musi...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I hated Big. I hated everything about him and this story line. First of all, it didn’t make any se...
CHELSEA HANDLER

In true Ted form, he was not in on the joke, which is basically the foundation of our relationship. ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many things contribute to the whole o...
CHELSEA HANDLER

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even wo...
CHELSEA HANDLER

What about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you don’...
CHELSEA HANDLER

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choos...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I've found that many of the people who have a passion for karaoke too often have misplaced confidenc...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
CHELSEA HANDLER

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single do...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I had heard my brothers and sisters use curse words but had never dared use one myself in front of a...
CHELSEA HANDLER

There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?&...
CHELSEA HANDLER

I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I w...
CHELSEA HANDLER

People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?
CHELSEA HANDLER

I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That...
CHELSEA HANDLER

We women have to stick together.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were...
CHELSEA HANDLER

There's a difference between racism and people making a joke about something. There is true raci...
CHELSEA HANDLER

There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them.
CHELSEA HANDLER

I love your personality," I said with wide eyes and an open smile. I had used this look before when ...
CHELSEA HANDLER

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous...
CHELSEA HANDLER

He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defendin...
CHELSEA HANDLER Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be...
DANIEL BURNHAM

Smart phones and social media expand our universe. We can connect with others or collect information...
DANIEL GOLEMAN A cook never knows if the dish he perfected for hours was described properly or if a guest even like...
DANIEL HUMM

Soon after, I returned home to my family, with a determination to bring them as soon as possible to ...
DANIEL BOONE Even if you are vegetarian, you do want to have a stuffing for Thanksgiving. The stuffing is not so ...
DANIEL HUMM Everyone comes to live in New York because they want to achieve something, and for that reason, ther...
DANIEL HUMM I think New York is truly unique in its singular combination of the quality of both the talent it at...
DANIEL HUMM I've been playing sports since I was five. For me, there's no happier moment than when I'...
DANIEL HUMM You've got to listen to your guests.
DANIEL HUMM Just as food is a craft, great service is, too. It can take years to perfect the technical aspects o...
DANIEL HUMM If you are working with high quality products, you can elevate the flavors more by cooking it at a l...
DANIEL HUMM I have fond memories from growing up in Switzerland and drinking a glass of warm milk with a spoonfu...
DANIEL HUMM The perfect ham and cheese sandwich is all about focusing on quality ingredients and about simple te...
DANIEL HUMM What people don't think about when they think about New York is this amazing farmland that grows...
DANIEL HUMM I have fallen in love with granola, in life and at work. I exercise every morning, and then I have a...
DANIEL HUMM I'm from Switzerland, so I grew up with great chocolate.
DANIEL HUMM A cookbook is a moment in time because, otherwise, you look back at the end of the day, and all the ...
DANIEL HUMM History has long had a wall up between the kitchen and the dining room. Front of house, back of hous...
DANIEL HUMM Passion for what you do is essential to success in any profession. That passion naturally keeps you ...
DANIEL HUMM My wife is from Chicago, and every time we go, I just love it. I love the restaurant scene, and peop...
DANIEL HUMM I try to run so I can eat anything I want. I feel it's a luxury to be able to splurge on somethi...
DANIEL HUMM

I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working.

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Daniel Handler

I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working.

Daniel Handler

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