People can expect poisonous mushrooms, ... And then only if they open the book.


Daniel Handler

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Everyone knows how to cook parasols—you soak them in milk, then dip them in egg and breadcrumbs an...
OLGA TOKARCZUK
If Northwest does not back off from the remaining open issues, then they can expect us to do what's ...
WADE BLAUFUSS
The Book of Daniel.
ELLEN BURSTYN
Vitamin D from mushrooms is not only vegan and vegetarian friendly, but you can prepare your own by ...
PAUL STAMETS
If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.
KATHERINE MANSFIELD
I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES
If they increase the four or five hotels that they want to, then it will open up for many more jobs ...
DON HURLBUT
You see, people are everywhere. They are everything. No matter who we are, or what we do, people are...
S.R. CRAWFORD
But time in only another liar, so go along the wall a little further: if blackberries prove bitter t...
WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS
If you can open people's hearts first, then maybe people's minds get opened after that.
ANNETTE BENING
Mistakes aren't failures; they are simply part of the path to success. Expect them and learn from th...
JOHNNY WALKER
The most dangerous, poisonous and ferocious animals are only humans.
AMIT ABRAHAM
It's wrong to treat Muslims as if they will never find their John Stuart Mill. Christianity and ...
AYAAN HIRSI ALI
Best passer I ever played with. If you cut, and you were open, the ball was in your hands. Not a daz...
DAVE ORLANDINI
Readers have the right to say whatever the fuck they want about a book. Period. They have that right...
STACIA KANE
Then the king commanded, and they brought Daniel, and cast him into the den of lions. Now the king s...
BIBLE
But if they dispute with you, say: I have submitted myself entirely to Allah and (so) every one who ...
QURAN
Daniel he can make people...he can shake 'em, he can get around them and he can finish.
JOE FAVERO
NBC is clearly mocking the Christian faith. I think they are smarting from the Book Of Daniel defeat...
DON WILDMON
Evan Handler is a man who’s looked into the abyss and laughed. His book, It’s Only Temporary, ma...
LANCE ARMSTRONG
People may expect too much of journalism. Not only do they expect it to be entertaining, they expect...
LEWIS H. LAPHAM
Boundaries are only as real as the consequences they carry - Daniel Ray Waring Jr.
DANIEL RAY WARING JR
Humans can make friends easily if they are open to it and are interested in other people.
DANA PERINO
People first glorify whatever they do… Then they expect others to approve it... Still worse, they ...
DR. VINOD B. NAIR
Most agility instructors would say that if a dog has made a mistake, then the handler made a mistake...
HELEN CASTELLANO
We are not giving up. If PSV loses next week and we win we are only four points behind. Then all is ...
ERWIN KOEMAN
I'm an open book.
BENNY HINN
If you are brave, you will open the book and read it.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA
Loosers want it but only through the easy way. If action taking were like reading a story book, loos...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
She can shoot it and run the point. And she's a great ball handler.
DAVE HIATT
If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see...
STEVE MARABOLI
When he turned to face her, the drawn look on his face was one of absolute agony as if Luce had just...
LAUREN KATE
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
GARRISON KEILLOR
To really be free, a Person must open their hearts, minds and souls to the world around them. Only t...
MARIE KATRA
Reading, like writing, is a creative act. If readers only bring a narrow range of themselves to the ...
BEN OKRI
If you create open technology that people can use, adapt and play with, it builds capability and the...
CHARLES LEADBEATER
If you are associating yourself and your business with unethical people or people that simply don't ...
JOHN DI LEMME
Life is loss. But out of that, as the book stresses, comes freedom. If we can accept that nothing is...
LOUISE PENNY
A book is a mirror; if an ass peers into it, you can not expect an apostle to peer out.
G. C. (GEORG CHRISTOPH) LICHTENBERG
A book is a mirror; if an ass peers into it, you can not expect an apostle to peer out.
GEORG CHRISTOPH LICHTENBERG
Tanaka's our only true ball handler and he never came off the floor. They kept throwing different gu...
KRAIG CLIFTON
NBC is losing between $2 (million) and $3 million each time they air The Book of Daniel. With those ...
DONALD WILDMON
For the newspaper is in all literalness the bible of democracy, the book out of which a people deter...
WALTER LIPPMANN
When it gets to a person that's a food handler they can contaminate a bunch of food and get to bigge...
KIRK SMITH
I am an open book, literally. I don't mind if people know way too much about me.
LISA SCOTTOLINE
An office visit will cost whatever the insurance dictates. If the insurance dictates a co-pay then t...
DON SCARO
The coach stressed doubling the big man. We had to shade Connie and No. 10 (Jamal Daniel) because th...
ANDRE WALKER
If they two time them; they would two time you. - Daniel Ray Waring Senior
DANIEL RAY WARING JR
I love to prove people wrong. They expect I'll sound a certain way when they see me, then they h...
COCO LEE
Most people only use their griddles for pancakes, but you can sear vegetables like sliced zucchini o...
JOSE ANDRES
If people like their water and they drink water, then they should be concerned. Maintaining the wate...
MARAN HILGENDORF
Yeah, I'm an open book.
AMY WINEHOUSE
I'm a pretty open book.
EMILY VANCAMP
Open your eyes, mind and heart - and then (only then) you will see
RASHEED OGUNLARU
My only writing ritual is to shave my head bald between writing the first and second drafts of a boo...
CHUCK PALAHNIUK
When I have said "If Only", I realised what precious a moment have slipped away.
SANDRA AMARTEY
If our eyes were fully attuned like a camera or better the wanders that we would actually see would ...
GARY F EVANS...
You can only expect "fast-food" and not "food" if you getting married in 21st century!
PRAVIN PRAJAPATI
We expect an animal to socialize if they can.
CAREL SCHAIK
We expect an animal to socialize if they can.
CAREL VAN SCHAIK
There's only one good test of pornography. Get twelve normal men to read the book, and then ask them...
W. H. AUDEN
There's only one good test of pornography. Get twelve normal men to read the book, and then ask them...
W. H. AUDEN
And when he came to the den, he cried with a lamentable voice unto Daniel: and the king spake and sa...
BIBLE
Oh that moment when Daniel thought he’d lost her to Cam’s starshot! His wings hat felt too heavy...
LAUREN KATE
Daniel took Luce’s hands in his. He closed his eyes, inhaled, and let his massive white wings unfu...
LAUREN KATE
I do, indeed, close my door at times and surrender myself to a book, but only because I can open the...
MARTIN BUBER
One can give ‘correct’ opinion only if one has an open mind.
DADA BHAGWAN
Morel mushrooms have an almost systematic pattern of growth. Once they sprout, they only fruit for 3...
DARRELL COX
The only way to read a book of aphorisms without being bored is to open it at random and, having fou...
PRINCE DE LIGNE
If they read two books then two books will be given to 'First Book,'
ELIZABETH MOORE
When countries open up to trade, they generally benefit, because they can sell more, then they can b...
JEFFREY SACHS
Poisonous people will try to destroy you when they recognize your power; this is because they fear w...
PEPRAH BOASIAKO
You can ask me anything. I'm an open book.
MARC JACOBS
Only after the last tree has been cut down,only after the last river has been poisoned,only after th...
THE CREE PEOPLE
Then was the king exceedingly glad for him, and commanded that they should take Daniel up out of the...
BIBLE
If you open your phone book, you'll get more information on people than you would get about our clie...
ANDY MACMILLAN
In order to bring me down.You have to be able to reach me first.
PRAVINEE HURBUNGS
The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The onl...
C. JOYBELL C.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot i...
ALBERT EINSTEIN
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then what a sorry lot we ...
ALBERT EINSTEIN
It's as if we were fighting with dragon for some 45 years and slew the dragon and then found ourselv...
JAMES WOOLSEY
I'm pretty much an open book.
LEE GREENWOOD
I'm pretty much an open book.
CARLENE CARTER
Our films have immense power, and we have always accepted international artistes with open arms. If ...
REMO D'SOUZA
If the (conservatives) want to be in charge of banks and the zloty then I can only warn all Polish p...
DONALD TUSK
If folks can learn to be racist, then they can learn to be anti racist. If being sexist ain't gene...
JOHNNETTA BETSCH COLE
They have struggled on the defensive end. But they have a lot of offensive weapons. (Daniel) Horton ...
BRUCE WEBER
If people are working together on a project and one person starts the document using Word, then othe...
MICHAEL CHERRY
And Daniel?" She asked.
"Daniel was a player-"
"Hey!"
"That's what they called the a...
LAUREN KATE
My hope is that when people first see the cover, they won't understand what they are seeing. Then, o...
CHIP KIDD
There is that romanticized idea of what a bookstore can be, what a library can be, what a shop can b...
RUTH REICHL
As I see it, a green salad is an open invitation to carrots, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, and the sp...
VICTORIA MORAN
Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm my own handler. Any questions? Ask...
DAN QUAYLE
[In an atmosphere of liberty, one is as free to not open a book as to open it. Although simple in co...
KATHERINE PATERSON
There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are ...
WILL ROGERS
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
ELMER G. LETTERMAN
I wish, to be honest with you, for African American films that we could get a few more theaters. The...
VIVICA A. FOX
One of my rigid goals is to keep each book under 300 pages because I think so much nonfiction is lit...
THOMAS CAHILL
Bad news: Complainers are rewarded for complaining. Indicative of the victim culture in which we liv...
JOHN RIDLEY
In the past, mushrooms were maligned as nutritionally poor. Since they are about 80 to 90 percent wa...
PAUL STAMETS

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Blank paper has always inspired me.
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I don't know whether it's digital effects or if they trained a baby to bite through steel. I'm not s...
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the direc...
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I'm not a believer in predetermined fates, being rewarded for one's efforts. I'm not a believer in k...
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Book thirteen marks the return of a reptile previously gone missing.
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Watch Your Mouth.
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I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we...
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This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.
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Kristen is looking at me like I'm a plume of smoke in the kitchen, right before you yell fire!
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The idea was women on boats. Lifeline Cruises pitched itself to women seeking adventure, whether a d...
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And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole lif...
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And then the third night was after we broke up, which was worth a million matches but instead just t...
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...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.
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who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.
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Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody ...
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Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, an...
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I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.
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They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses.
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Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to s...
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And this note was a jittery time bomb, ticking beneath my normal life, in my pocket all day firecely...
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How wrong to think I was anyone else, like thinking grass stains make you a beautiful view, like get...
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It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world.
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And the truth is that I'm not, Ed, is what I wanted to tell you. I'm not arty like everyone s...
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I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did.
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I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.
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I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy.
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Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass.
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Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemeter...
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Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine.
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I can cook anything.
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The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wo...
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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They were using the dolls to project their dreams of their own futures as adult women.
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The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.
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I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking abo...
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As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always t...
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I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
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I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.
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If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk abou...
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Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.
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I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be...
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We went to a Barnes and Noble, where I picked up an unauthorized
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger...
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I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.
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Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the firs...
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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We got to his place and it looked a lot like his personality. Just a bunch of space filler, nothing ...
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One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
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He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her...
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends lik...
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I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his...
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When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything...
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Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, peopl...
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I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite th...
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They really like going to buy fresh roast coffee at cheap prices.
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Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink ag...
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You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
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Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not inter...
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Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.
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Different beans have different characteristics. Each has their own character and you blend them to g...
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I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.
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Fred Weinberger lent Mark the money directly and not to his company.
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Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see...
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I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me ...
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You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magaz...
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I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make ...
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You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.
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I didn't really spend much time with anyone my own age during high school because I believed my true...
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I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian...
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I was looking for something more personal and more stable and more fun.
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The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm w...
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I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
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I’m a murderer, Ted! I’m a murderer. A dog murderer! I’m just like Phil Spector minus the musi...
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I hated Big. I hated everything about him and this story line. First of all, it didn’t make any se...
CHELSEA HANDLER
In true Ted form, he was not in on the joke, which is basically the foundation of our relationship. ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many things contribute to the whole o...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even wo...
CHELSEA HANDLER
What about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you don’...
CHELSEA HANDLER
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choos...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I've found that many of the people who have a passion for karaoke too often have misplaced confidenc...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
CHELSEA HANDLER
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single do...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I had heard my brothers and sisters use curse words but had never dared use one myself in front of a...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?&...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I w...
CHELSEA HANDLER
People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?
CHELSEA HANDLER
I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That...
CHELSEA HANDLER
We women have to stick together.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There's a difference between racism and people making a joke about something. There is true raci...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I love your personality," I said with wide eyes and an open smile. I had used this look before when ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous...
CHELSEA HANDLER
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defendin...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be...
DANIEL BURNHAM
Smart phones and social media expand our universe. We can connect with others or collect information...
DANIEL GOLEMAN
A cook never knows if the dish he perfected for hours was described properly or if a guest even like...
DANIEL HUMM
Soon after, I returned home to my family, with a determination to bring them as soon as possible to ...
DANIEL BOONE
Even if you are vegetarian, you do want to have a stuffing for Thanksgiving. The stuffing is not so ...
DANIEL HUMM
Everyone comes to live in New York because they want to achieve something, and for that reason, ther...
DANIEL HUMM
I think New York is truly unique in its singular combination of the quality of both the talent it at...
DANIEL HUMM
I've been playing sports since I was five. For me, there's no happier moment than when I'...
DANIEL HUMM
You've got to listen to your guests.
DANIEL HUMM
Just as food is a craft, great service is, too. It can take years to perfect the technical aspects o...
DANIEL HUMM
If you are working with high quality products, you can elevate the flavors more by cooking it at a l...
DANIEL HUMM
I have fond memories from growing up in Switzerland and drinking a glass of warm milk with a spoonfu...
DANIEL HUMM
The perfect ham and cheese sandwich is all about focusing on quality ingredients and about simple te...
DANIEL HUMM
What people don't think about when they think about New York is this amazing farmland that grows...
DANIEL HUMM
I have fallen in love with granola, in life and at work. I exercise every morning, and then I have a...
DANIEL HUMM
I'm from Switzerland, so I grew up with great chocolate.
DANIEL HUMM
A cookbook is a moment in time because, otherwise, you look back at the end of the day, and all the ...
DANIEL HUMM
History has long had a wall up between the kitchen and the dining room. Front of house, back of hous...
DANIEL HUMM
Passion for what you do is essential to success in any profession. That passion naturally keeps you ...
DANIEL HUMM
My wife is from Chicago, and every time we go, I just love it. I love the restaurant scene, and peop...
DANIEL HUMM
I try to run so I can eat anything I want. I feel it's a luxury to be able to splurge on somethi...
DANIEL HUMM