Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. It's a condition not unlike tennis elbow, but you get it from masturbating.

Heartache and heartbreak reveal many different shades of the blues within one's self.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

We went to a Barnes and Noble, where I picked up an unauthorized
biography of M.C. Hammer, and not wanting to overload her on her first
book, I steered Dumb Dumb toward a Choose Your Own Adventure.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.