Daniel Handler
Related F. SCOTT FITZGERALD KELLYN ROTH MAGGIE STIEFVATER SAMANTHA YOUNG I wouldn’t know what to do with daughters,' he says. 'Exchange them for sons?'KAUI HART HEMMINGS People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways - I’m... GEORGE F. BURNS I’m not a serpent, Father. I’m a crow. ELI EASTON I’m not standard; I’m deviant. But I’m not alone. I’m a complete freak of nature, and I emer... TARAH WHEELER STEPHEN CHBOSKY DAVID LEVITHAN COLLEEN HOOVER HARUKI MURAKAMI I’m a cold-hearted bastard. I’m insular, I’m jaded, a workaholic, I’m ruthless and I’m sel... ALLY BLAKE RICHELLE MEAD I’m nothing great. But I’m a rose… I’m a rose whether I’m admired or not, I’m a rose whe... SERDAR ÖZKAN JENNIFER NIVEN My Blackness is just too much for some people to handle. I’m a confident, intelligent, beautiful, ... STEPHANIE LAHART My Blackness is just too much for some people to handle. I’m a confident, intelligent, beautiful, ... STEPHANIE LAHART No, I’m NOT Team Light Skin. No, I’m NOT Team Dark Skin. No, I’m NOT Team Brown Skin. I’m Te... STEPHANIE LAHART MITCH ALBOM TERRY PRATCHETT ROB BELL I’m nothing but a thought in the mind of God,QUETZAL ERNEST HEMINGWAY People are like, ‘Oh, you can’t take humans out of the loop, I’m a human and I’m an awesome ... TIM CANNON JESSICA KHOURY RAINBOW ROWELL TAHEREH MAFI MARIA SHARAPOVA JERRY SPINELLI Her mother sits down on the churned-up ground near the fence. I’m tired, she says. It’s only two... ALI SMITH Sometimes I feel like a normal person. Sometimes I forget I’m on parole, that I’m not really fre... JENNIFER LANE LISA KLEYPAS I know I’m small in a way, but I know I’m strong. INDIGO GIRLS JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT I’m alive,” he groaned. “But I’m not doing a very good job of it. MERRIE HASKELL KATJA MILLAY CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH RAINBOW ROWELL STEPHEN FRY CRAIG FERGUSON COCO CHANEL JOHN IRVING HENRY MILLER JAROD KINTZ Now, I don’t think I’m a stupid guy. I’m just an average guy who doesCHRIS THRALL I’m not the damsel in distress. I’m the villain. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes... STACEY TROMBLEY JENNIFER NIVEN I’m so used to planning for guys, dressing and undressing for them and trying to morph myself into... LAURIE ELIZABETH FLYNN I’m here Bethie. Loving you. Wanting you. I’m not going to run into a hole and lick my wounds. I... ANGELA MORRISON COLLEEN HOOVER I’m not even on drugs, I’m just weird. ALEX GASKARTH BERNARD KELVIN CLIVE I’m not good at saying what I’m feeling. I’m just not built that way. But, I want you to let m... SUMMER HINES SARAH J. MAAS CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH ROBERT M. DRAKE GILLIAN FLYNN COLLEEN HOOVER GILLIAN FLYNN I’m trying to be an adult. I’m trying to be responsible. I’m trying not to call home crying. B... JAKE VANDER-ARK CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH HARUKI MURAKAMI BRANDON SANDERSON CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE STEPHENIE MEYER KIERA CASS FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER CHINA MIéVILLE COLLEEN HOOVER MADONNA MARILYN MANSON It’s like I’m on a roller-coaster ride, but I’m not allowed to get off. I’m strapped to the ... DANIELLE ESPLIN DAVID FOSTER WALLACE CHELSEA HANDLER ALYSON NOEL LIBBA BRAY I don’t agonize over my paintings being perfect. I’m not creating masterpieces, I’m creating a... DREW BROPHY I’m not good enough for Duke.” FENG NONG CORA CARMACK MINDY KALING I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it TERRY LANDER CHRISTINA AGUILERA ILONA ANDREWS SEANAN MCGUIRE VERONICA ROTH I’m not good with keeping rules.
I don’t dig any religious hierarchy.
I don’t do superstitions... JAZARIA HUDSON KATIE MCGARRY They always told me not to get in the car with strangers.” EVA MORGAN MALCOLM X SASHA AZEVEDO COLLEEN HOOVER NEIL GAIMAN I’m glad I see with my eyes and not the pages I’ve read. ALBERTO CAEIRO I’d like to say I’m not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie. LISA DAILY I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me. DANIEL O'MALLEY NEIL GAIMAN TAYLOR SWIFT MARISSA MEYER
More Daniel Handler
I didn't like books where people played on a sports team and won a bunch of games, or went to su... DANIEL HANDLER I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion - just when we'r... DANIEL HANDLER Blank paper has always inspired me. DANIEL HANDLER I'm dumping the whole box back into your life Ed, every item of you and me. I'm dumping this box on ... DANIEL HANDLER When you start writing a picture book, you have to write a manuscript that has enough language to pr... DANIEL HANDLER It's full of depressing details about the children's lives, ... and, I'm sorry to say, it's the long... DANIEL HANDLER My first novel took almost six years to sell and was rejected 37 times in the interim, and then fina... DANIEL HANDLER Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies DANIEL HANDLER The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it tur... DANIEL HANDLER Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you're the one keeping them, I'll be th... DANIEL HANDLER For most people, the two primary relationships they have are with their families or romantic ones. A... DANIEL HANDLER I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dul... DANIEL HANDLER I don't know whether it's digital effects or if they trained a baby to bite through steel. I'm not s... DANIEL HANDLER There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the direc... DANIEL HANDLER I'm not a believer in predetermined fates, being rewarded for one's efforts. I'm not a believer in k... DANIEL HANDLER Book thirteen marks the return of a reptile previously gone missing. DANIEL HANDLER I was interested in finding ways to do dark comedy that were actually dark and comic. DANIEL HANDLER People can expect poisonous mushrooms, ... And then only if they open the book. DANIEL HANDLER The way Sunny speaks in the books seems a perfect fit for the cause in question. She often uses word... DANIEL HANDLER A nice thing about children's books, though I'm probably alone in this opinion among people who writ... DANIEL HANDLER And she has a fairly consistent political agenda. She's a baby, so individual liberty is a developin... DANIEL HANDLER Watch Your Mouth. DANIEL HANDLER A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is... DANIEL HANDLER For every girl I thought I was uncomplicated sex, it wasn't. Put it this way: if you can't see the c... DANIEL HANDLER Love was in the air, so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner. DANIEL HANDLER They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this... DANIEL HANDLER I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we... DANIEL HANDLER This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut. DANIEL HANDLER Kristen is looking at me like I'm a plume of smoke in the kitchen, right before you yell fire! DANIEL HANDLER The idea was women on boats. Lifeline Cruises pitched itself to women seeking adventure, whether a d... DANIEL HANDLER And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole lif... DANIEL HANDLER And then the third night was after we broke up, which was worth a million matches but instead just t... DANIEL HANDLER ...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted. DANIEL HANDLER who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out. DANIEL HANDLER Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody ... DANIEL HANDLER Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, an... DANIEL HANDLER I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire. DANIEL HANDLER They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses. DANIEL HANDLER Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to s... DANIEL HANDLER The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it tur... DANIEL HANDLER You either have the feeling or you don’t. DANIEL HANDLER And this note was a jittery time bomb, ticking beneath my normal life, in my pocket all day firecely... DANIEL HANDLER How wrong to think I was anyone else, like thinking grass stains make you a beautiful view, like get... DANIEL HANDLER It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world. DANIEL HANDLER And the truth is that I'm not , Ed, is what I wanted to tell you. I'm not arty like everyone s... DANIEL HANDLER I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did. DANIEL HANDLER I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. An... DANIEL HANDLER Ed, it was everything, those nights on the phone, everything we said until late became later and the... DANIEL HANDLER I started making plans, thinking we would get that far. DANIEL HANDLER I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy. DANIEL HANDLER Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass. DANIEL HANDLER Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemeter... DANIEL HANDLER Shit, I guess I already loved you then. Doomed like a wineglass knowing it’ll get dropped someday,... DANIEL HANDLER I know you can't see it, not you, Ed, but maybe if I tell you the whole plot you'll understand it th... DANIEL HANDLER How many happy people do you think there are in the world? Twelve? DANIEL HANDLER I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort. DANIEL HANDLER I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither h... DANIEL HANDLER Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine. DANIEL HANDLER I can cook anything. DANIEL HANDLER I write longhand on legal pads, about half at home and half in cafes. I drink a lot of water and eat... DANIEL HANDLER I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it... DANIEL HANDLER I kind of always think my work is unfilmable, and when I meet people who are interested in filming i... DANIEL HANDLER I was not a particularly brave child, I think, because I had a narrative mind, because my mind autom... DANIEL HANDLER I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working. DANIEL HANDLER You see failed vocabulary in the adult world so often, and it's often because once you reach a c... DANIEL HANDLER I'm always interested to see what films are made of books. I kind of don't participate as a ... DANIEL HANDLER If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the ... DANIEL HANDLER 'The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous in... DANIEL HANDLER The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wo... DANIEL HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER I thought the Barbie doll would always be successful. RUTH HANDLER Through their play Barbara imagined their lives as adults. They used the dolls to reflect the adult ... RUTH HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER They were using the dolls to project their dreams of their own futures as adult women. RUTH HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER They really like going to buy fresh roast coffee at cheap prices. DAN HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER Different beans have different characteristics. Each has their own character and you blend them to g... DAN HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER Fred Weinberger lent Mark the money directly and not to his company. ROBERT HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER I was looking for something more personal and more stable and more fun. DAN HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be... DANIEL BURNHAM DANIEL GOLEMAN A cook never knows if the dish he perfected for hours was described properly or if a guest even like... DANIEL HUMM DANIEL BOONE Even if you are vegetarian, you do want to have a stuffing for Thanksgiving. The stuffing is not so ... DANIEL HUMM Everyone comes to live in New York because they want to achieve something, and for that reason, ther... DANIEL HUMM I think New York is truly unique in its singular combination of the quality of both the talent it at... DANIEL HUMM I've been playing sports since I was five. For me, there's no happier moment than when I'... DANIEL HUMM You've got to listen to your guests. DANIEL HUMM Just as food is a craft, great service is, too. It can take years to perfect the technical aspects o... DANIEL HUMM If you are working with high quality products, you can elevate the flavors more by cooking it at a l... DANIEL HUMM I have fond memories from growing up in Switzerland and drinking a glass of warm milk with a spoonfu... DANIEL HUMM The perfect ham and cheese sandwich is all about focusing on quality ingredients and about simple te... DANIEL HUMM What people don't think about when they think about New York is this amazing farmland that grows... DANIEL HUMM I have fallen in love with granola, in life and at work. I exercise every morning, and then I have a... DANIEL HUMM I'm from Switzerland, so I grew up with great chocolate. DANIEL HUMM A cookbook is a moment in time because, otherwise, you look back at the end of the day, and all the ... DANIEL HUMM History has long had a wall up between the kitchen and the dining room. Front of house, back of hous... DANIEL HUMM Passion for what you do is essential to success in any profession. That passion naturally keeps you ... DANIEL HUMM My wife is from Chicago, and every time we go, I just love it. I love the restaurant scene, and peop... DANIEL HUMM I try to run so I can eat anything I want. I feel it's a luxury to be able to splurge on somethi... DANIEL HUMM
You know, you’re a little complicated after all.” 
I’m not God, and I can’t always offer chances. I’m not sure if this won’t be your last. 
Cole said, “You’re the only good thing I’ve ever done in my life.” I replied, “I’m sorry... 
I am not your mother. I’m not looking for something else from life. I’m not looking for more. I�... 
So, tomorrow, I’m leaving. And I’m not going to let that happen again with anyone else. I’m go... 
You may not have noticed, but I’m not what you’d call conventionally beautiful. In fact, you mig... 
When I touch you, I’m touching you because I want to make you happy. When I kiss you, I’m kissin... 
I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this... 
I’m not a warrior or a goddess,” I said at last.
Listen, I’m the freak. I’m the weirdo. I’m the troublemaker. I start fights. I let people down... 
The truth is, part of me is every age. I’m a three-year-old, I’m a five-year-old, I’m a thirty... 
I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are super... 
I’m convinced being generous is a better way to live. I’m convinced forgiving people and not car... 
I’m not brave any more darling. I’m all broken. They’ve broken me. 
I’m sorry,” I whisper.
No," Cath said, "Seriously. Look at you. You’ve got your shit together, you’re not scared of any... 
There’s something simmering inside of me. Something I’ve never dared to tap into, something I’... 
I’m not the next anyone, I’m the first Maria Sharapova 
I’m erased. I’m gone. I’m nothing. And then the world is free to flow into me like water into ... 
I’m not short. I’m…vertically disadvantaged. 
I’m not sure I want to go to prom. I’m not sure I want to share you with anyone. 
I’m going to walk over to you,” I say, taking one step at a time in her direction like I’m tal... 
If I’m surprised at where I’m at, it’s probably because I’m not listening to the reality tha... 
And because I’m so out of control, I can’t help myself. I’m not even mine anymore, I’m yours... 
I’m not even tone deaf, that’s the arse-mothering, fuck-nosed, bugger-sucking wank of the thing.... 
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m... 
It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me... 
I’m not afraid, but I’m very nervous. 
I’m an egotist, but I’m not selfish. There’s a difference. I’m a neurotic, I guess. I can’... 
I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every da... 
You deserve better. I can’t promise you I’ll stay around, not because I don’t want to. It’s ... 
What rules?”
I’m not out to compete with any one, I’m here to complete, by encouraging and inspiring souls th... 
I’m thinking,” he said, following the flick of my tongue over my bottom lip, “that I look at y... 
If I’m conceited enough to believe I’m invincible, then maybe it will take me doing the very thi... 
You’re not a bad person, you’re just a little bit different and I’m a sucker for that. 
I’m not really a nerd; I only aspire to be one. 
I’m a self-didact. (Not a dirty word, look it up.) I read constantly. I think. But I lack formal e... 
I’m not very good at giving anyone a clear no. 
Before we get to this, let me explain something about myself. I’ve been many things in my life. St... 
I’m not a Knight. I’m a Bishop. Or at least I am trying to be. And traveling with you is the mos... 
Just you wait till I’m a vampire! I’m not going to be sitting on the sidelines next time. 
No, I’m not choosing him or you. I’m choosing me. 
When anyone tells me I can’t do anything, I’m just not listening any more. 
BEFORE THE HUMANS came we didn’t speak so much of certain things. Before the humans came we didn�... 
I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. 
I’ve always been paranoid about the police, because even when I’m not doing anything illegal I�... 
If I’m hanging out with you, I can’t even tell whether I like you or not because I’m too worri... 
I’m a murderer, Ted! I’m a murderer. A dog murderer! I’m just like Phil Spector minus the musi... 
I’m always thinking about what I’m missing. Even when I’m happy with what I have. 
I’m a wild girl from a cursed line of women. I paw at the ground and run under the moon. I like th... 
It’s not that I don’t like cats. And really, I think I would enjoy having… a cat. But what if ... 
If I’m at a party where I’m not enjoying myself, I will put some cookies in my jacket pocket and... 
I’m addicted to your allure and I’m fiending for a cure. 
Are you implying that our relationship is like a Spanish soap opera?” 
I’m not sorry," said Quentin. "One of them tried to take my throat away from me. With its teeth. I... 
Aren’t you going to ask me if I’m all right?” I say.
I’m sorry I’m slow.” 
I’ve had enough of someone else’s propaganda… I’m for truth, no matter who tells it. I’m f... 
I run because it’s my passion, and not just a sport. Every time I walk out the door, I know why I�... 
You musn’t be afraid of the dark.’
I took a chance, I took a shot 
Hey, I’m not judging. I’m familiar with IT-relations. Just wait until you meet our spaceship. Sh... 
You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big b... 
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and cha... 
Smart phones and social media expand our universe. We can connect with others or collect information... 
Soon after, I returned home to my family, with a determination to bring them as soon as possible to ... 