FastSaying

normal person's weekly chore list:
1. clean kitchen.
2. clean bathroom.
3. clean entire rest of domicile.
cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list:
1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.


Dave Barry

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JAMES GOSS I know that some night
in some bedroom
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rift
through CHARLES BUKOWSKI PREFACE PROBLEM: Nobody reads prefaces.
SOLUTION: Call the preface Chapter 1.
NEW PROBLEM ...
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1. Can I please go to the bathroom?
2....
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"Poisoned pean...
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I° 1/3 Aumento dei consumi famigliari.
II�...
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2. Sim...
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DAVE BARRY Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY