Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time.
Me (Ilona): ...

~A little later~

Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*
Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*
Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.
Kid 1: I know, right?

A black raven flew past me and landed on the back of the couch.
Roman slapped his hand over his face.
“There you are,” the raven said in Evdokia’s voice. “Ungrateful son.”
“Here we go…” Roman muttered.
“Eighteen hours in labor and that’s what I get. He can’t even pick up the phone to talk to his own mother.”
“Mother, can’t you see I have people here?”
“I bet if their mothers called them, they would pick up.”
That would be a neat trick for both of us. Sadly, dead mothers didn’t come back to life, even in post-Shift Atlanta.
“Nice to see you, Roman.” I grabbed Curran by the hand.
The bird swiveled toward me. “Katya!”
Oh no.
“Don’t you leave. I need to talk to you.”
“Got to go, bye!

Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

The vampire leaned forward, tapping a scimitar claw. "Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?"
"Yep."
"Is he carrying a moon on his pitchfork?"
"No, it's a pie.

When alone in a dark forest waiting for an audience with an evil god, the most prudent course of action is to be quiet and wait. ‘Prudent’ wasn’t one of my favourite words.
“Hello? I’ve come to borrow a cup of sugar. Anybody? Perhaps there is an old woman with a house made of candy who could help me?”
“Marrying for love isn’t wise.”
The voice came from somewhere to the left. Melodious, but not soft, definitely female and charged with a promise of hidden power. Something told me that hearing her scream would end very badly for me.
I stopped and pivoted toward the voice.
“Marry for safety. Marry for power. But only fools marry for love.”
When a strange voice talks to you in the black woods, only idiots answer.
I was that idiot. “Thank you, counsellor. How much do I owe you for this session?