Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.


Dave Barry

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Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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Painting is the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic
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How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine."
The Q...
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Fortunately for me, I know well enough what I want, and am basically utterly indifferent to the crit...
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She said 'Over my dead body!' so I took her at her word.
DIANA WYNNE JONES
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NEIL GAIMAN
What is the Other?" they ask.
The Other is the one who taught me whatI should be like, but not ...
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To have the time to reminisce is one of the futures gifts. Don't think to much, don't live to fast, ...
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I don't know if I have a favorite color.
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It's very special having a new little girl.
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Look, my friends!' he called. 'Here's a pretty hobbit-skin to wrap an elven princeling in! If it wer...
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We have tears in our eyes
As we wave our goodbyes,
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Loving someone who never loved you, is like remembering a face you never saw.
No matter how har...
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I have to be seen to be believed.
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I have behind me not only the splendid traditions and the annals of more than a thousand years but t...
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To what greater inspiration and counsel can we turn than to the imperishable truth to be found in th...
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Grief is the price we pay for love.
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I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your s...
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Therefore I am sure that this, my Coronation, is not the symbol of a power and a splendor that are g...
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We lost the American colonies because we lacked the statesmanship to know the right time and the man...
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Madam President, speaking here in Dublin Castle it is impossible to ignore the weight of history, as...
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These wretched babies don't come until they are ready.
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I know of no single formula for success. But over the years I have observed that some attributes of ...
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The events that I have attended to mark my Diamond Jubilee have been a humbling experience. It has t...
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Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters...
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No one who knew Diana will ever forget her. Millions of others who never met her, but felt they knew...
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I have been aware all the time that my peoples, spread far and wide throughout every continent and o...
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She herself is a haunted house. She does not possess herself; her ancestors sometimes come and peer ...
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The profound ability to use aural and written language has enabled our species to collectively explo...
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No, sweet one. See, my precious: if we has it, then we can escape, even from Him, eh? Perhaps we gro...
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When we teach ourselves and our children discipline, we are teaching them and ourselves how to suffe...
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Percy was getting tired of water.
If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Po...
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We'll sort of get over the marriage first and then maybe look at the kids. But obviously we want...
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Family is the most important thing in the world.
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You philosophers are lucky men. You write on paper and paper is patient. Unfortunate Empress that I ...
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As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
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I was always told from the hat-makers that you should have your hair up because it shows the hat mor...
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I don't think I'll still be riding at 40. There are a couple of people who are still riding ...
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My dad's not a big talker.
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My dad can be pretty critical sometimes.
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I'd love to have kids, but not at the moment.
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You cannot make horses 'safe.'
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Virtually everything that gets printed about me is wrong anyway, so it doesn't really matter wha...
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People still text me to say that there is something about me in the paper, and what really annoys me...
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Sometimes people will come up in the street and say: 'My daughter loves you, will you sign an au...
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Taking part in an Olympics on home ground is something you dream about.
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My brother and I have been able to get on and have been very lucky to do things with our family that...
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I don't think about the media.
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I love the sport and being competitive.
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The horses are all characters, all personalities. Some you get along with, some you don't, some ...
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I hate having my picture taken.
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Unfortunately in sport it's either good or bad. You've got to take the highs and the lows.
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It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
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I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
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It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
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one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
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drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
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I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
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I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
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The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
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We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
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Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
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Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
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I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
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Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
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Ridley is a tea drinker.
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It's a concept I've often thought of.
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You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
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I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
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We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
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What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
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I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
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Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
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Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
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The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
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Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
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Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
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The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
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It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
DAVE BARRY