I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
Dave Barry
Related
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
GEORGE BURNS I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
GEORGE F. BURNS I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
GEORGE BURNS Coming from an Asian culture, I was always taught to respect my elders, to be a better listener than...
LISA LING There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age,...
J. B. PRIESTLEY There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old there is no respect for age. ...
J. B. (JOHN BOYNTON) PRIESTLEY There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age-...
J. B. PRIESTLY We understood, growing up - 'cause it was taught in our family home, my mom and dad - to respect...
BURGESS OWENS Time present and time past are both perhaps present in time future and time future contained in time...
, ALWAYS NOW, 1997 I promised to respect elders opinions but never to obey all their commands blindly except I have giv...
EBENEZER O. AKINRINADE I pray. I go to mass. I even remember to respect my elders and help little old ladies across the str...
LORA LEIGH My parents always encouraged me and I had a good home life. We were always taught to respect things ...
BETTY CUTHBERT I have a lot of respect for Barry and what he does. I wish something like this didn't come up.
JASON CHRISTIANSEN Although I have a lot of close female friends in my life, my number one is still my mom. Without her...
SHEMAR MOORE To have time as an ally it must firstly be understood and respected,without time we have no way forw...
GARY F EVANS... Respect the young and chastise your elders. It's about time the world was set aright.
VERA NAZARIAN When I was young there was no respect for the young, and now that I am old there is no respect for t...
JOSEPH PRIESTLEY My parents always encouraged me and I had a good home life. We were always taught to respect things ...
BETTY CUTHBERT I have always had tremendous respect for my sister as an artist, as a woman, and now as a mother.
SOLANGE KNOWLES Respect your elders. Be kind to your youth.
Respect your youth. Be kind to your elders.
MARK SHERMAN SMEESTER I grew up to always respect authority and respect those in charge.
GRANT HILL I dont believe in luck. Ive only ever felt lucky finding God and even that was not by chance.
MEG NEZAJ When people criticize me for not having any respect for existing structures and institutions, I prot...
MYLES HORTON I haven't seen a player in this game, as long as I've been in it, that can't be pitched to, ... Barr...
FRANK ROBINSON I will ask you to respect my privacy, respect my decision and just respect my right to be by myself.
EDDIE COMPASS was that I was a person with dignity and self-respect, and I should not set my sights lower than any...
ROSA PARKS One of the things he's had to learn to be a better wrestler is to be more aggressive. He always used...
ARBERDELLA DAVIS Growing up I was taught not to burn any bridges, because you never know when you have to go back ove...
ELLIS BURKS Every time I go out there, I try not to fear anybody. I always want to earn the respect of my teamma...
JONATHAN PAPELBON ive loved an ive falllen but yet until now ive always gotten back up but ur blow to the heart has su...
AMBER FAITH HUN The thing I remember most about middle school was how tough it was. You're not quite an adult, but y...
JEN WATERS I always planned to retire when I was at the top and at Manchester United I have reached the pinnacl...
ERIC CANTONA We respect our elders. There is wisdom that comes from experience, and I am not going to stop learni...
MARCIA FUDGE You aren’t old enough to have such regrets.”
“Pain doesn’t respect age, my lady.
SHERRILYN KENYON My mother taught me a lot about respect for all living things - for plants and animals. I am a veget...
DAVID LACHAPELLE Yes, I handed my son over to the police because he was a Christian. Now I will respect whatever the ...
ABDUL MANAN As human beings we value the experience that comes with age. We are reminded over and over again wit...
JENNA MORASCA I want the whole world to watch it. I thought it taught so many things about dignity and respect.
JULIE MORRIS I Dont Believe that Anybody Feels the Way I Do about You now.
OASIS Dave Barry Turns 50
DAVE BARRY That night was my first exposure to the life I was supposed to be living at my age. I dont know, I d...
CRIMETHINC. My team and I have reunited two elements that coexist with difficulty: respect and affection, becaus...
SHAKIRA I respect you as my king, and I respect you as my father, but I do not respect you as a man!
REBECCA MCKINSEY You must respect people, and you must respect money. My father said to me: 'When you respect mon...
YAYA TOURE I like cinema audiences. I respect them, and I talk to them just like I would anybody I know.
ROLAND JOFFE Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show resp...
CRISS JAMI They told us, ‘You don't have the capacity, you lack the technical ability and the moral fiber...
CHARLES MCGEE They told us, ‘You don't have the capacity, you lack the technical ability and the moral fiber' .....
CHARLES MCGEE I have a fantastic respect for Liverpool the city, club and the fans, from the time I spent there. T...
CHARLIE ADAM It's tough. You're sort of in shock. I just can't get over the fact, whether it's my grandmother or ...
RALPH LEWIS firestar: jayfeather what does mallow look like?
jayfeather: i dont know, ive never seen any
ERIN HUNTER Fortunately for me, I had a father who didn't let us get away with anything. You were taught res...
BENJAMIN WATSON Of late I appear
To have reached that stage
When people who look old
Who are only my age.
RICHARD ARMOUR I miss being the age when I thought I'd have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now..
K.J. FORCE Music was in the air when I was growing up. My siblings Katy, Dave and Phil were musical; my dad wor...
SAM BARRY I knew his father very well. And yes, I think I would owe it not only to Barry. I owe it to his fath...
HANK AARON Taro taught me that people respect spirit, but even cowards don't respect cowards.
DAVID MITCHELL You can believe that he was taught to love and respect all mankind - but to fear no man.
WELLINGTON MARA Having a Christian worldview shapes my decision-making with respect to all aspects of my life. I alw...
JOHN THUNE When I went to pick him up I was astounded by how much respect and reverence everyone seemed to have...
DAVE SCOTT My main capital isn't the money. I respect myself; I respect my country.
BIDZINA IVANISHVILI I'm not a great hunter. But I have fired guns in the past, when I was growing up. But it was par...
SCOTT WILSON Respect elders; protect children. This I do believe. As a young man it is sometimes, in a charitable...
CRISS JAMI 19. The commendable efforts of preachers to Europe is that the society was taught to respect all wor...
SUNDAY ADELAJA I have a newfound respect for people who do all this hard work. From now on when I walk through a ho...
SPUD WEBB Looks like my baby dont live here no more...thats alright, ive still got my guitar.....................
JIMI HENDRIX I have a lot more respect for naturopathic medicine now.
ALEXIS VANDEN BOS He really listened to what I had to say, and he was great, always treated me with respect.
DEAN GOLDFINE We have nothing now between us, save - respect, perhaps. And I think that respect has maybe room for...
DIANA GABALDON In my old age I've come to find that if you respect other people, you feel better about yourself...
BIJOU PHILLIPS These haters are too less in number when compared to the millions who support me. I look at all thos...
DIVYANKA TRIPATHI What helped me was I had people around me to remind me to help my country even when it did me wrong,...
ALEXIS ARGUELLO I have great respect for Greg Knapp, who was my quarterbacks coach in Denver for three years. He tau...
BROCK OSWEILER Since my boyhood, I have sought always to please, but out of a kindness in me, never out of fear or ...
BEN HECHT He would always tell my son to always respect his culture.
GEETHA THOMAS ...the love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my e...
LOUISA MAY ALCOTT Throughout my many years of service to the people of North Carolina, I have always tried to treat pe...
BOB ETHERIDGE I grew up in a family of strong women and I owe any capacity I have to understand women to my mother...
RYAN GOSLING Eisenhower was my war hero and the President I admire and respect most.
ETHEL MERMAN I have great respect and fondness for the friends, and I think that's reciprocal. I want everyone to...
BRUCE RINKER I have great respect for children. And I have great respect for their ability as writers.
PATRICIA MACLACHLAN Judi Dench and Ian McKellen taught me how to work hard and respect the theatre.
FRANCESCA ANNIS I respect our players. They're prepared to forgo $1 billion in salaries this year alone and maybe hu...
GARY BETTMAN The song says respect yourself.
But I would rather respect another and then have them respect m...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS I'm going to go in, keep my mouth shut and just listen to the guys, ... I have to earn the respect o...
FREDDY ADU Every girl I've ever dated I have respect for, and I always try to leave them in good terms.
JOEL MADDEN It's a big win. We respect their program, always have, and I think they respect ours. To beat them, ...
ANDY RUNZI Among the other values children should be taught are respect for others, beginning with the child...
JAMES E. FAUST Always Respect Your Self Respect.....
ER. M S DANDYAN RESPECT YOUR ELDERS because they learned to hate those who will do any thing to secure you or your l...
MARK SHERMAN SMEESTER He has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled.
GENE FOWLER We have a lot of respect for the office of the president, and I have a new respect for him because h...
CINDY SHEEHAN WHen PeopLE Cant ReSPect The DEedS You HAve DOne FOr tHEm.... ItS hiGh Tym yoU taUght THem the GeNui...
MONIKA SINGH If I'm doing something in fashion, I will try to respect the 'laws' of the business, but...
CARINE ROITFELD Ive loved you my whole life, I just didnt know it until now
~ANYA SUNDQUIST~ When I went to Juventus, I was young, but in training, I had legends like Fabio Cannavaro and Lilian...
ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIC Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both fi...
CLINT EASTWOOD You always get more respect when you don't have a happy ending.
JULIA QUINN I have a lot of respect for my fellow young actors. It takes a lot to push forward after being told ...
COLTON HAYNES At an age when most youngsters are preparing for their GCSEs, I was suddenly a jet-setter, briefly t...
JACK WILD
More Dave Barry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
DAVE BARRY Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ...
DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
DAVE BARRY The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i...
DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
DAVE BARRY It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
DAVE BARRY The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ...
DAVE BARRY It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit...
DAVE BARRY Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
DAVE BARRY What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be...
DAVE BARRY Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
DAVE BARRY Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ...
DAVE BARRY Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ...
DAVE BARRY The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in...
DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h...
DAVE BARRY I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ...
DAVE BARRY The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
DAVE BARRY A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer...
DAVE BARRY Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa...
DAVE BARRY And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta...
DAVE BARRY The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
DAVE BARRY New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
DAVE BARRY I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu...
DAVE BARRY One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute...
DAVE BARRY People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
DAVE BARRY We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
DAVE BARRY Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi...
DAVE BARRY We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
DAVE BARRY Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...
DAVE BARRY Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
DAVE BARRY Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ...
DAVE BARRY The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
DAVE BARRY Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo...
DAVE BARRY Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ...
DAVE BARRY I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p...
DAVE BARRY There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you...
DAVE BARRY Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
DAVE BARRY Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
DAVE BARRY Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
DAVE BARRY If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
DAVE BARRY We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo...
DAVE BARRY Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
DAVE BARRY I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven...
DAVE BARRY Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est...
DAVE BARRY As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo...
DAVE BARRY Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read...
DAVE BARRY Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the...
DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ...
DAVE BARRY The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th...
DAVE BARRY While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b...
DAVE BARRY Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq...
DAVE BARRY The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu...
DAVE BARRY The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att...
DAVE BARRY Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always...
DAVE BARRY What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe...
DAVE BARRY I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at...
DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BARRY Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev...
DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c...
DAVE BARRY For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37...
DAVE BARRY All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin...
DAVE BARRY Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig...
DAVE BARRY The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
DAVE BARRY I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca...
DAVE BARRY I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco...
DAVE BARRY Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug...
DAVE BARRY If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f...
DAVE BARRY This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei...
DAVE BARRY More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers...
DAVE BARRY USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'
DAVE BARRY UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton...
DAVE BARRY The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den...
DAVE BARRY 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
DAVE BARRY ''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
DAVE BARRY Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person...
DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta...
DAVE BARRY Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark
DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a...
DAVE BARRY When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him...
DAVE BARRY We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty...
DAVE BARRY All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
DAVE BARRY We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s...
DAVE BARRY If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
DAVE BARRY And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello.
DAVE BARRY Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
DAVE BARRY There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
DAVE BARRY 1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b...
DAVE BARRY Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
DAVE BARRY