Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

[Dave Barry, who wrote jokes for Martin's Oscar-hosting gig two years ago, mentioned that he performed his Academy Awards monologue with his fly open.] And, ... I think it says something about Steve as a performer, and as a man, that no one noticed.

Hey, religious nuts! Please do not grow up. Just go up!

I suddenly realize that I'm naked, which shouldn't bother me since it's the phone, but for some reason it does.

"How's it hanging?" Kyra asks and now I think I'm blushing. It's just an expression, but jeez!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.