[Dave Barry, who wrote jokes for Martin's Oscar-hosting gig two years ago, mentioned that he performed his Academy Awards monologue with his fly open.] And, ... I think it says something about Steve as a performer, and as a man, that no one noticed.
Dave Barry
Related Dave Barry Turns 50 DAVE BARRY I think Barry Bonds was in a unique situation given his injuries from a year ago, the fact that he p... BUCK MARTINEZ Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL? HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you. Dave B... ARTHUR C. CLARKE My first crush was Barry Manilow. He performed on TV and I taped it. When no one was around I'd ... JANET JACKSON I once knew a man named Barry. I always thought his name was short for 'Barfly'. FRED LANE I'll never forget my interview with Barry Humphries - one of the oddest I've ever done. He i... MELVYN BRAGG But I must say I am happiest when something hits and I've written it with Barry. After all these yea... CYNTHIA WEIL My first crush was Barry Manilow. He performed on TV and I taped it. When no was around I'd kiss the... JANET JACKSON I knew his father very well. And yes, I think I would owe it not only to Barry. I owe it to his fath... HANK AARON I basically considered it a long time ago. I told Dave that if he ran I wouldn't. BOB JAMISON I like (Clausen's) philosophy and his dedication. He's not going to be a yes-man for anybody. I wasn... HERB BEHNKE Mr. [Dave] Littlefield extended that opportunity, ... That gave me an opportunity to grow as a manag... LLOYD MCCLENDON Dave has a moment when he's young where he tries to talk to his mother, who just shuts him down, ...... DENNIS LEHANE Hey, Barry is hilarious. The guy is a total jokester, just funny as hell. That kind of stuff he did ... MARQUIS GRISSOM As a kid, I used to go see all the jazz players, Oscar Peterson, Stan Kenton, Dave Brubeck, Dizzy Gi... JIM COLEMAN He has a beautiful stroke. Pure as Rick Barry. BILL BAKAMUS The Greek philosopher Epictetus recognised this two thousand years ago when he wrote: ‘What distur... ROBERT HARRIS I think it's a wise pick. Dave is a Pitt guy. Dave has a commitment to this university. The exciteme... MIKE DITKA Youth is something very new: twenty years ago no one mentioned it. COCO CHANEL John Barry was the first film composer I was aware of. As a teenager I owned several of his Bond sou... CARTER BURWELL He felt that the children brought him great pleasure. His daughter, who is a dancer and choreographe... CELIA JACOBOWITZ We got to know Torch, and I think Torch impressed Dave with his interview. He's an honest and dedica... ROB LAIRD It was just a friend and his brother that I work with, they had some design concepts for a guitar ab... DAVE MASON That relationship saved him. He was devastated with the injuries and no one could've helped him more... DAN ANDERSON He's still doing better than he had during most of his career. He's not necessarily a beloved supers... KURT BADENHAUSEN Lou is a great, multi-talented (guy). He does great work (in sculpture). He brought his expertise fr... MIKE BROWN That's SHIT! How do you remove it? You just put it inside the trash, easy as that. DEYTH BANGER We're not against Barry Bonds as an individual. We're against what he stands for. ... There was no w... DENNIS COLLINS He took a hit and his career was not as bright as it was two years ago. To people who command very s... ALAN SKLOVER No one believed that Wisconsin's program could be restored to great eminence, ... Barry did it with ... DONNA SHALALA I have a lot of respect for Barry and what he does. I wish something like this didn't come up. JASON CHRISTIANSEN Jon's his own guy, but it's a gig that says a lot about who you are in the comedy community. STEPHEN COLBERT I think it takes Barry. ROBIN WILLIAMS Dave was a consummate entertainer. No matter what musical format Dave chose, he could always command... TOM BROWN I would describe his shot as kind of a corkscrew. It's kind of a screwball that has a rainbow arc. I... CHANNING TONEY As awkward as it sounds. I'm not Shane Larkin, Barry Larkin's son, anymore. It's Barry L... SHANE LARKIN Barry is a Scotland player. He is part of our team. So, when he is available, he is picked. It's as ... WALTER SMITH Dave was a great teammate. He was probably the most skilled player on the team. Whenever I scored a ... PAUL WILLIAMSON Dave has done an outstanding job as head coach of this club and we expect that to continue for years... DOUG ARMSTRONG It's only the losers named 'Dave' that think having an unusual name is bad, and who care... PENN JILLETTE Somebody asked me if I thought [Bonds] should be in the Hall of Fame and I said, 'It all depends on ... DAVID WELLS Steve did an awesome job off the bench. He didn't complain about it. When you've got a superstar lik... DESHAWN STEVENSON Steve Nash is incredible. He just picks everything apart. You think you have his first pass covered,... KYLE KORVER Barry, you’re a one and only, forever kind of guy. I think I’ll keep you. ELAINE LEVINE I haven't seen a player in this game, as long as I've been in it, that can't be pitched to, ... Barr... FRANK ROBINSON Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe? JUDD NELSON Dave was great in Van Halen. No question about it. He was one of the best at being Mr. Rock Star. Bu... SAMMY HAGAR This is too much reality for a Friday. AS GOOD AS IT GETS The ancient Greeks noticed that a man with arms and legs extended described a circle, with his navel... STEPHEN GARDINER A Man Named Dave DAVE PELZER Dave Chappelle asked me to come do his show. I read the script, and I said, 'Has he lost his min... MARLA GIBBS It was a privilege to work with Barry. He taught me a lot about people and the process we learned a... SUZANNE ANARDE I get tips from Bob Gaudio. And one of my songs somehow caught the attention of one of my idols, Mar... ERICH BERGEN Dave Weldon is the one who loses the most here because he isn't going out of his way to show his com... KEITH ASHDOWN [Barry (D-Ward 8) said he changed his mind after he realized that the plan could bring as much as $1... MARION BARRY That weighs on people's mind, and I think Dave thought about it and said, 'I'm going to make a chang... CRAIG CONROY The best thing I think about me and Dave as a creative team is, we don't have to work together. We b... NEIL GAIMAN He taught us with his actions as well as his words -- he taught the power of nonviolence for human d... WALT BLOMBERG A while back, when Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what y... NICK HORNBY Only one of us would usually sing lead. Which most of the time was, Mickey or Dave. They thought it ... PETER TORK Everybody gets more money, the question is how much, ... All About Oscar: The History and Politics o... EMMANUEL LEVY Certainly it is no shame to a man that he should be as nice about his country as his sweetheart,- ye... JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL I have been a performer for as long as I can remember. I performed in Sunday school and church plays... ADRIANE LENOX I show Dave the dummy for my book. He reads every bit of writing, looks at every picture, and asks n... JIM GOLDBERG I think that we see Steve Jobs as the genius speaker in the mock black turtleneck with the round gla... JOSHUA MICHAEL STERN But, I still can't totally forgive Dave for blowing my world apart. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DAVE?! K.M. SHEA Dave is very good defensively on his feet. DON COOLEY [Barry Clark is in the top ten in his Subaru but suffered a double puncture on the second stage:] I ... BARRY CLARK I'm really close with Dave Coulier and his wife Melissa. My family and I go over there for barbe... JODIE SWEETIN Dave had a financial plan for 10 years before it all came together. DONNA ABBOTT He comes to London and gets a job in a nightclub, a gay club, where he's known as Straight Dave ... NEIL TENNANT Dave was well-meaning, but he did the test pretty much on his own. BRIAN RUST It's going to be interesting next year, especially if Barry plays a full year. With Barry hitting fo... RAY DURHAM ...that people often say about Him: "I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't... C. S. LEWIS It's about the players, obviously. That's a part of it. But this is about Steve for Lance. It's also... CINDY RANDALL Jason or Barry Bonds, you don't want them to hit a homer. As a team, you want him to be on base, and... MIGUEL CAIRO The Oscar gap that exists between the academy and its audience isn't snobbery or liberal elitism as ... MATTHEW FELLING I think that Dave Halle ought to be congratulated. THOMAS SHEPARD It's really neat and encouraging as a Christian that he's so bold about his faith. His actions suppo... MARK LITTLE The impact threw Dave, as I understand it, up into the air and onto the windshield and he was killed... ROY WILLIAMSON There have been a lot of conservative leaders and politicians who have been successful as book autho... CRAIG SHIRLEY Derivatives cannot hedge derivatives for accounting purposes -- now or under FASB 133, ... Does Dave... CARL BASS Mired in a batting slump, Bonds sat in the locker room and complained about his uncharacteristic str... LARRY ELDER I always idolized guys like Deion Sanders, Barry Sanders, Steve Young and the entire 49ers team, rea... REGGIE BUSH I love his passion and his energy. He's a one-man press. You talk about the one-two-one-one, he's ju... BRUCE PEARL Only fools wait, and only tools bait. CRE There are approximately two trillion cells in the human body. You are never alone, there are always ... DWIGHT W. HAYES I did some recording with [Patton] a while back - about two years ago. I think he's almost done with... DALE CROVER Years ago, I noticed one thing about economics, and that is that economists didn't get anything ... NASSIM NICHOLAS TALEB A couple of years ago, I called Dave up to write some songs. It just snowballed from there and becam... MARC ALMOND [Going from one] jukebox musical ... I read the script for Lennon and thought this is right up my al... CHAD KIMBALL I think I sound like Barry White. GLORIA GAYNOR One is that President Clinton, in his first two years of his term, did not govern as he had campaign... ED GILLESPIE [Perhaps his response had something to do with Denton's assessment of Latham, as given on Triple M l... ANDREW DENTON In the beginning, Barry and I couldn't decide if we were going got go forward with the name of the B... ROBIN GIBB If Dave Jones is the manager of Cardiff for the next few years, then I want to be here as well. JASON KOUMAS No better liar had there been in these parts as that ball player with hams for arms unless he be a m... MARK TWAIN Barry White seemed so filled with self-parody at first that it was easy to dismiss him. But it is be... JON LANDAU The two favorite episodes of 'Lost' that Adam and I wrote were 'Dave,' which was whe... EDWARD KITSIS [The trickiest part of his assignment is maintaining a dignified aura while stooping to snoop. So he... PAUL BURRELL
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DAVE BARRY I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ... DAVE BARRY The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. DAVE BARRY A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer DAVE BARRY It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer... DAVE BARRY Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p... DAVE BARRY The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they... DAVE BARRY My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst... DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris... 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DAVE BARRY We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ... DAVE BARRY Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi... DAVE BARRY We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i... DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris... DAVE BARRY To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. DAVE BARRY American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi... DAVE BARRY Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho... DAVE BARRY Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. DAVE BARRY Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re... DAVE BARRY You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. DAVE BARRY Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by... DAVE BARRY Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. DAVE BARRY Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ... DAVE BARRY The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. DAVE BARRY Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. DAVE BARRY I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo... DAVE BARRY Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ... DAVE BARRY I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p... DAVE BARRY There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you... DAVE BARRY Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. DAVE BARRY Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att... DAVE BARRY I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. DAVE BARRY Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. DAVE BARRY If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. DAVE BARRY We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo... DAVE BARRY Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. DAVE BARRY I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven... DAVE BARRY Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n... DAVE BARRY If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ... DAVE BARRY A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est... DAVE BARRY As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background... DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo... DAVE BARRY Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read... DAVE BARRY Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D... DAVE BARRY Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the... 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DAVE BARRY Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu... DAVE BARRY The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att... DAVE BARRY Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always... DAVE BARRY What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y... DAVE BARRY I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe... DAVE BARRY I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at... DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo... DAVE BARRY Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions... DAVE BARRY Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev... DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c... DAVE BARRY For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37... DAVE BARRY All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin... DAVE BARRY Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b... DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig... DAVE BARRY The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have... DAVE BARRY The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. DAVE BARRY I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca... DAVE BARRY I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco... DAVE BARRY Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug... DAVE BARRY If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f... DAVE BARRY This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei... DAVE BARRY More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers... DAVE BARRY USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.' DAVE BARRY UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton... DAVE BARRY The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den... DAVE BARRY 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. DAVE BARRY ''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band. DAVE BARRY Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol... DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This... DAVE BARRY I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person... DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta... DAVE BARRY Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a... DAVE BARRY When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him... DAVE BARRY We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty... DAVE BARRY All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever. DAVE BARRY We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s... DAVE BARRY If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried DAVE BARRY And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello. DAVE BARRY Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT." DAVE BARRY There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. DAVE BARRY 1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b... DAVE BARRY Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you... DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went... DAVE BARRY Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?” “We’re going to look for water,” said... DAVE BARRY Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t. DAVE BARRY If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ... DAVE BARRY If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ... DAVE BARRY Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably... DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo... DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This... DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi... DAVE BARRY A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory DAVE BARRY Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals. DAVE BARRY I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t... DAVE BARRY It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne... DAVE BARRY one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican... DAVE BARRY drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go. DAVE BARRY I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing. DAVE BARRY I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee... DAVE BARRY The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization. DAVE BARRY We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne... DAVE BARRY Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. DAVE BARRY Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art... DAVE BARRY I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i... DAVE BARRY Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones... DAVE BARRY Ridley is a tea drinker. DAVE BARRY It's a concept I've often thought of. DAVE BARRY You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service. DAVE BARRY I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd... DAVE BARRY We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England... DAVE BARRY What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham... DAVE BARRY I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. DAVE BARRY Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc... DAVE BARRY Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger... DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ... DAVE BARRY The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent... DAVE BARRY Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d... DAVE BARRY I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh... DAVE BARRY Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look... DAVE BARRY There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ... DAVE BARRY The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte... DAVE BARRY