Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.
Dave Barry
Related His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha... TEKOA MANNING You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part. HENRY JAMES Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace." I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl... TAMMARA WEBBER The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha... FRANCINE RIVERS Dave Barry Turns 50 DAVE BARRY I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib... C. JOYBELL C. If I provide for this life and turn away from the Lord, I am wise for a moment, but lost forever. FRANCINE RIVERS The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha... FRANCINE RIVERS Mother Superior jump the gun... -The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun LAUREN MYRACLE She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t... STEPHEN CHBOSKY We Are All Infinite STEPHEN CHBOSKY (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes... JEAN SASSON You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE. STEPHAN CHBOSKY Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté. STEPHEN CHBOSKY I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st... STHEPHEN CHBOSKY no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Wake up to a brand new day and realize why you woke up to meet the day! Live to the end of another d... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play. J.R. RIM Droll thing life is -- that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most... JOSEPH CONRAD Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different. JOHNNIE DENT JR. I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think eve... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if... STEPHEN CHBOSKY He wept because he was afraid now that he could not save Gabriel. He no longer cared about himself LOIS LOWRY Well, you can't know it without something having been sneezed. A.A. MILNE We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet. Even longer,' Pooh answered.” ... A.A. MILNE We begin to fight. The wind and I. Horns locked. Battling each other with elements. LAURA DOCKRILL Some people never take a chance and never know what it's like to live life to the full. CHLOE THURLOW You deserve to be with somebody, who knows you're the one, from that very first moment he lays eyes ... C. JOYBELL C. I believe that life is a journey towards God, and that no one has the right to insist that you go a ... PAT BUCKLEY I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life... CHARLES BUKOWSKI the room of the spirit is the mind and the seat of the spirit is the heart. What we give room to muc... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS I was suddenly very aware of the fact it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my fac... STEPHEN CHBOSKY The only perspective is to really be there. STEPHEN CHBOSKY I didn't feel like reading that night, so I went downstairs and watched a half-hour long commercial ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Why is England manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs and at the same time churning out... ANNE FRANK A great future starts with what you can see SOTONYE ANGA There is something tragic about the enormous number of young men there are in England at the present... OSCAR WILDE The next day, the villages came closer together until the beginnings and endings could no longer be ... PATRICK W. CARR The scientific method gives us
information by testing and repeating observable things so that we
can... LEWIS N. ROE Oh happy day! A day to make a hay! And when it is mid-day, think about the day! And when you think a... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I know this goes without saying, but Stonehenge really was the most incredible accomplishment. It to... BILL BRYSON Love is a growing, or full constant light, And his first minute, after noon, is night. JOHN DONNE To be the outsider is actually a great thing in England. EDIE CAMPBELL He brings the greatest conflict into the history of mankind. He will come soon to our world just lik... TOBA BETA She would tuck Sam into her heart, a bright light for her to take out whenever things were darkest. SARAH J. MAAS There is some merit in some of the things Barry says, JULIA GILLARD There are types of people who want to have leverage over other people's lives. For no other reason t... C. JOYBELL C. The numbers are mildly bearish. The build in crude is larger than expected. The build in gasoline is... ED SILLIERE Lower refinery utilization is contributing to a build-up in crude oil, but reducing the oversupply i... MERRILL LYNCH We will, however, continue to build a new organization, using our enormous grassroots network, to co... HOWARD DEAN We think that a 1 percent reduction is doable. Some states in New England have already been able to ... DAN YORK What's the difference between people who see and seek gaps and those that see and seek bridges? The ... RICHIE NORTON I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix. DEYTH BANGER Civilization is an enormous device for economizing knowledge,. THOMAS SOWELL Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Art... EOIN COLFER I just want you to know that you’re very special… and the only reason I’m telling you is that ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I thought I would write a love letter. But then, I wrote a book." - Suzy Davies, on "Johari's Window SUZY DAVIES The Dream of a Queer Fellow I write the words again and they appear doubly pregnant with meaning. It... JOHN MIDDLETON MURRY If you have read this far in the chronicle of the Baudelaire orphans - and I certainly hope you have... LEMONY SNICKET That was a shocking gasoline build...the crude build was bigger than expected and that should put do... ADDISON ARMSTRONG I came to think that nobody from England could draw American comic books, because they were clearly ... DAVE GIBBONS The stones that Critics hurl with Harsh Intent, A Man may use to build a Monument ARTHUR GUITERMAN He had what he called just a small ration of tools: A painted book. A handful of pencils.<... MARKUS ZUSAK The whole strength of England lies in the fact that the enormous majority of the English people are ... GEORGE BERNARD SHAW The accumulated knowledge of materials, computing, electromagnetism, product design, and all the res... RAMEZ NAAM I wish I was home", She said miserably. She tried so hard to be brave, to be fierce as a... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I watched him even then as he fell, his face undefeated, his eyes still proud NEIL GAIMAN Compared to, say, a prime minister of England, a president has actually astonishingly few legal powe... DAVID FRUM Don’t let the enemy try to keep you bound with fear. The devil is a liar. Stay in faith and trust ... GERMANY KENT How do you know if something is real? That’s easy. Does it change you? Does it form you? Does it g... C. JOYBELL C. This is your fault. I'm going to kill you. And all the cake is gone. You don't even care, do yo... J.K. SIMMONS Life is a re-discovery. BRIAN BLESSED If you think that life is a celebration full of party poppers and merry go rounds it's not it's a ga... GARY F EVANS... Life Is a Misconception. DEYTH BANGER Life is a desire! DEYTH BANGER To trust someone you must firstly remember that it is a two way street that will go all the way if y... GARY F EVANS... It is a lie. ARTHUR MILLER I went to a foot specialist recently and she said: "You've broken a bone, it's healed funny." STUART MURDOCH We're always taught that God wants us to always only say "I can't do this without You God" , "Whatev... C. JOYBELL C. The drop in crude was a surprise and was a little supportive to prices, but the market was completel... BILL O'GRADY The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them God working in you on a daily basis. CRAIG GROESCHEL There's actually a year over year decline in crude prices. MARILYN SCHAJA There are seven billion people in the world. And I think phones are the first time most people will ... SUNDAR PICHAI Your mind is a Microcosm of strength and power. There’s all the magic you need in it. When all els... CHINONYE J. CHIDOLUE Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi... MARIANA FULGER Barry and I were in the middle of building a house, and I was in the midst of having a nervous break... CYNTHIA WEIL Put my head under my pillow, and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Farming is the oldest profession on earth SOTONYE ANGA
More Dave Barry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. DAVE BARRY We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi... DAVE BARRY For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. DAVE BARRY What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe... DAVE BARRY Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. DAVE BARRY Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ... DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ... DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a... DAVE BARRY The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso... DAVE BARRY The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. DAVE BARRY Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th... DAVE BARRY If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. DAVE BARRY The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i... DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso... DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to... DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or... DAVE BARRY I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor... DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless... DAVE BARRY The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio... DAVE BARRY I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. DAVE BARRY Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on. DAVE BARRY It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ... DAVE BARRY You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." DAVE BARRY Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! DAVE BARRY I'd take a nerf bullet for you. DAVE BARRY What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car... DAVE BARRY The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ... DAVE BARRY It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have... DAVE BARRY I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r... DAVE BARRY Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. DAVE BARRY I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. DAVE BARRY In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba... DAVE BARRY Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi... DAVE BARRY My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit... DAVE BARRY Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b... DAVE BARRY What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be... DAVE BARRY Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula... DAVE BARRY Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ... DAVE BARRY Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told. DAVE BARRY There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ... DAVE BARRY The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ... DAVE BARRY It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in... DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went... DAVE BARRY Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h... DAVE BARRY I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ... DAVE BARRY The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. DAVE BARRY A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer DAVE BARRY It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer... DAVE BARRY Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p... DAVE BARRY The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they... DAVE BARRY My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst... DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris... DAVE BARRY The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. DAVE BARRY The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas... DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y... DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h... DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa... DAVE BARRY And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta... DAVE BARRY The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe... DAVE BARRY Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. DAVE BARRY New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ... DAVE BARRY Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza... DAVE BARRY Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won... DAVE BARRY Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. DAVE BARRY Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. DAVE BARRY I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu... DAVE BARRY One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute... DAVE BARRY People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th... DAVE BARRY Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit... DAVE BARRY We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ... DAVE BARRY Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi... DAVE BARRY We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i... DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris... DAVE BARRY To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. DAVE BARRY American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi... DAVE BARRY Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho... DAVE BARRY Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. DAVE BARRY Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re... DAVE BARRY You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. DAVE BARRY Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by... DAVE BARRY Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. DAVE BARRY Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ... DAVE BARRY The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. DAVE BARRY Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. DAVE BARRY I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo... DAVE BARRY Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ... DAVE BARRY I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p... DAVE BARRY There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you... DAVE BARRY Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. DAVE BARRY Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att... DAVE BARRY I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. DAVE BARRY Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. DAVE BARRY If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. DAVE BARRY We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo... DAVE BARRY Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. DAVE BARRY I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven... DAVE BARRY Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n... DAVE BARRY If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ... DAVE BARRY A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est... DAVE BARRY As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background... DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo... DAVE BARRY Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read... DAVE BARRY Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D... DAVE BARRY Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the... DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ... DAVE BARRY The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th... DAVE BARRY While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int... DAVE BARRY And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto... DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to... DAVE BARRY All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b... DAVE BARRY Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq... DAVE BARRY The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed... DAVE BARRY Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu... DAVE BARRY The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att... DAVE BARRY Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always... DAVE BARRY What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y... DAVE BARRY I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe... DAVE BARRY I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at... DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo... DAVE BARRY Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions... DAVE BARRY Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev... DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c... DAVE BARRY For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37... DAVE BARRY All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin... DAVE BARRY Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b... DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig... DAVE BARRY The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have... DAVE BARRY The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. DAVE BARRY I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca... DAVE BARRY I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco... DAVE BARRY Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug... DAVE BARRY If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f... DAVE BARRY This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei... DAVE BARRY More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers... DAVE BARRY USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.' DAVE BARRY UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton... DAVE BARRY The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den... DAVE BARRY 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. DAVE BARRY ''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band. DAVE BARRY Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol... DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This... DAVE BARRY I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person... DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta... DAVE BARRY Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a... DAVE BARRY When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him... DAVE BARRY We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty... DAVE BARRY All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever. DAVE BARRY We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s... DAVE BARRY If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried DAVE BARRY And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello. DAVE BARRY Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT." DAVE BARRY There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. DAVE BARRY 1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b... DAVE BARRY Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you... DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went... DAVE BARRY Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?” “We’re going to look for water,” said... DAVE BARRY Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t. DAVE BARRY If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ... DAVE BARRY If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ... DAVE BARRY Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably... DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo... DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This... DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi... DAVE BARRY A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory DAVE BARRY Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals. DAVE BARRY I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t... DAVE BARRY It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne... DAVE BARRY one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican... DAVE BARRY drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go. DAVE BARRY I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing. DAVE BARRY I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee... DAVE BARRY The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization. DAVE BARRY We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne... DAVE BARRY Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. DAVE BARRY Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art... DAVE BARRY I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i... DAVE BARRY Ridley is a tea drinker. DAVE BARRY It's a concept I've often thought of. DAVE BARRY You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service. DAVE BARRY I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd... DAVE BARRY We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England... DAVE BARRY What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham... DAVE BARRY I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. DAVE BARRY Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc... DAVE BARRY Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger... DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ... DAVE BARRY The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent... DAVE BARRY Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d... DAVE BARRY I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh... DAVE BARRY Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look... DAVE BARRY There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ... DAVE BARRY The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte... DAVE BARRY It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. DAVE BARRY