Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.

Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?