Jeff Dunham quote: "We've gotten so used to them making the playoffs, to not even come close was a disappointment. But I've been following the minor league development of the Red Sox on the Web, and it looks like we're going to have a much better, much more competitive team with genuine prospects this year."

We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Han...
JEFF DUNHAM

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see...
JEFF DUNHAM

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there...
JEFF DUNHAM

I think all the garbage in the world is thanks to a very small handful of idiots.
JEFF DUNHAM

My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto t...
JEFF DUNHAM

All through college, I was searching for characters that would make me unique and set me apart from ...
JEFF DUNHAM

In 1980, when I graduated from high school, my goal was to be on 'The Tonight Show' with Joh...
JEFF DUNHAM

The best place to find material is in real life. I've always maintained that it's not until ...
JEFF DUNHAM

I think there's a lot of, unfortunately, unfunny ventriloquists out there, so they've got a ...
JEFF DUNHAM

Growing up doing those Kiwanis Clubs, doing those Cub Scout banquets, doing those church shows, I le...
JEFF DUNHAM

It's strange because even in the vaudeville days, ventriloquists were never the main attraction....
JEFF DUNHAM

I had a happy, dramafree youth, growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood in Dallas, Texas. T...
JEFF DUNHAM

Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpe...
JEFF DUNHAM

When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and...
JEFF DUNHAM

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.
JEFF DUNHAM

I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, a...
JEFF DUNHAM

I'm guilty of being fascinated by gadgets and toys and technology, but any penny that I spend, I...
JEFF DUNHAM

It's amazing how these little guys can say things that a mortal human could never get away with....
JEFF DUNHAM

What I do for a living is whimsical and fun and ridiculous. I'm supposed to make people laugh. W...
JEFF DUNHAM

I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on tha...
JEFF DUNHAM

I taught myself computer. Then Macintosh came along, and it became a really bad addiction. If I wasn...
JEFF DUNHAM

I've never been truly hammered... Never. Not even in college. I was too busy driving or flying a...
JEFF DUNHAM

I'm a pretty good ventriloquist, but it's the entertainment value and the laughs that keep p...
JEFF DUNHAM

The magic in performing as an entertaining ventriloquist happens when the characters come to life an...
JEFF DUNHAM

I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to...
JEFF DUNHAM

When I was in third grade I taught myself ventriloquism... What's hard is to learn to be an ente...
JEFF DUNHAM

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue,...
JEFF DUNHAM

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.
JEFF DUNHAM

The only way a ventriloquist speaks differently is that he forgoes using his or her lips, and learns...
JEFF DUNHAM

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No...
JEFF DUNHAM

I'm happy to see them doing well. I'm encouraged, and you don't really pull together as a team until...
JEFF DUNHAM

It will be less of a retail center and have more of a downtown, urban feel.
JEFF DUNHAM

Winter's not over yet. I'm sorry. We're just at the end of February here.
ALAN DUNHAM

The last time we were above freezing was actually, it looks like probably Saturday afternoon at some...
ALAN DUNHAM

We're not going to get out of the 20s again today.
ALAN DUNHAM

Low this morning was 10, but it felt a lot colder than that. Wind chills were a little below zero.
ALAN DUNHAM

Boston and south will have the worst of the storm. Travel will be hazardous because of icy condition...
ALAN DUNHAM

The 85 mph wind, that's hurricane force.
ALAN DUNHAM

It will be mostly cloudy in the upper 30s, pretty nice weather.
ALAN DUNHAM

There will be a lot of rain and sleet mixed in.
ALAN DUNHAM

I quit acting when I was 11 because I was cast as a bouncing ball in 'Alice in Wonderland,' ...
LENA DUNHAM

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
DAVID DUNHAM

If you dance, you dance because you have to. Every dancer hurts, you know.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

We have a group of friends of the museum who try to raise, if they can, periodically something to he...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

Black people should have recognition for themselves and their backgrounds and their relationships wi...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I really think that aside from admiring my talent you really admire me as a person and as a woman.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I have actually five honorary degrees.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

When I graduated college I had a series of just humiliating jobs that I couldn't believe I was a...
LENA DUNHAM

Without my husband's costumes I wouldn't have known how to accomplish what I saw in my own m...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I had certain physical limitations that made me change the choreography for myself or made me more i...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

It's very easy for me to say what success is. I think success is connecting with an audience who...
LENA DUNHAM

Haiti itself was also photographed, some of the streets, some of the mountains, rivers, streams, etc...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

When you want to organize knowledge. you will be careful to base the classification upon essential q...
BARROWS DUNHAM

Positive, healthy, loving relationships in your twenties... I don't know if anyone would disagre...
LENA DUNHAM

We don't intend to always keep this necessarily African oriented. Originally I had hoped to have...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

It's interesting how we often can't see the ways in which we are being strong - like, you ca...
LENA DUNHAM

I'm ridiculous in my oversharing; my mom and sister are very open but a little more judicious th...
LENA DUNHAM

A creative person has to create. It doesn't really matter what you create. If such a dancer want...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I don't think Ed Sullivan had anything to do with Carib Song.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I love flawed female characters, duking it out.
LENA DUNHAM

I feel like you don't know if someone's equipped for a romantic relationship until they'...
LENA DUNHAM

I sort of tend to equate tattoos with prisoners, punks or people with a high level of self-confidenc...
LENA DUNHAM

I certainly feel my career was a great career because it inspired so many many people, literally hun...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
LENA DUNHAM

Gerber's just an awesome player. I give her props for being this tall and she can see the floor so w...
MARIAH DUNHAM

Pay for one commercial package and add one or more free programs. Set the primary package to scan al...
KEN DUNHAM

A lot of the problem is a matter of us believing in ourselves. Everybody has an excuse in the beginn...
DAVID DUNHAM

I felt a little twinge in the groin. I tried playing with it to see if the groin would loosen up, an...
MIKE DUNHAM

Sometimes I have given my husband a manuscript to read that has turned out to have fantastic rave re...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I really believe engagement is a way to solve international problems, through dialogue and discussio...
ARCHIE DUNHAM

The Western oil companies have really been kept out of Saudi Arabia for many, many years, and I thin...
ARCHIE DUNHAM

I think clearly, Gov. Bush would be much more pro business.
ARCHIE DUNHAM

When it's low-budget, and you have one other person on the set, you have to make rules.
LENA DUNHAM

They're bloodsucking mosquitoes. You just can't get them all.
KEN DUNHAM

I learned that people are much more game to mock their own personas than you would think.
LENA DUNHAM

I always imagined that having a baby is something that I'm going to keep in a private place, but...
LENA DUNHAM

Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I take the position that, because of the ex post facto clause, in essence, my client is being held f...
DARRELL DUNHAM

But Saudi Arabia and Kuwait offer, I think, the best opportunities in the gas sector.
ARCHIE DUNHAM

I mean, I - it's so funny, I am, you know, I am, you know, a working woman out in the world, but...
LENA DUNHAM

I think that people in the phase between being someone's kid and being someone's parent have...
LENA DUNHAM

The way I saw it, I was fully capable of being treated with indifference that bordered on disdain wh...
LENA DUNHAM

This could serve as a springboard for more attacks on the Macintosh because it might spawn copycats.
KEN DUNHAM

in particular among his siblings.
FRANK DUNHAM

You should boot from a clean disk before removing a virus. Some viruses can't be cleaned any other w...
KEN DUNHAM

We put a lot of extra runners on base. Then we had some untimely errors and they had timely hitting.
DAVE DUNHAM

I used to want the words "She tried" on my tombstone. Now I want "She did it."
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I wasn't concerned about the hardships, because I always felt I was doing what I had to do, what I w...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

The evil is not that you cannot change human nature. The evil is that human nature cannot change you...
BARROWS DUNHAM

A summary witness is ordinarily a dispassionate presenter,
FRANK DUNHAM

Here's what I have to say about being married: someday you will look at him, hating him with every f...
LENA DUNHAM

She has never listened to Deepak Chopra, switched to almond milk, or meditated. Yet she is here, in ...
LENA DUNHAM

I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I refresh Twitter as thoughtlessly as some twirl their hair.
LENA DUNHAM

I'm half Jewish half WASP.
LENA DUNHAM

I am not a particularly political person, but, as a Tribeca resident, the commodification of Septemb...
LENA DUNHAM

I sometimes want to make a book of every tattoo I wanted to get before I actually got a tattoo, beca...
LENA DUNHAM

We don't get it, but we get sanctions. It doesn't really matter where that witness is if there is a ...
FRANK DUNHAM

Let's call a spade a spade - a lot of times when you are a vegetarian it is a just not very effe...
LENA DUNHAM

I have only touched one other computer at my friend Marissa's house, and found the experience discon...
LENA DUNHAM

There is something vulnerable about showing your tattoos to people, even while it gives you a feelin...
LENA DUNHAM

She played a great defensive game. We all played great defense, it was our best defensive game of th...
DAVE DUNHAM

It was sloppy and we were rusty. Four of our girls just came off the basketball team and we're not q...
DAVE DUNHAM

I think this is good law. At some point in time, we have to say to defendants that if the statute of...
DARRELL DUNHAM

I think since the date of his arrest, my client has been held illegally. I think his constitutional ...
DARRELL DUNHAM

I used to want the words 'She tried' on my tombstone. Now I want 'She did it.'
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I always thought the saddest feeling in life is when you're dancing in a really joyful way and t...
LENA DUNHAM

There is a food fight going on there in the Executive Branch, I am sure.
FRANK DUNHAM

Obviously I'd like the man released. I think they [the government] probably concluded some time ago ...
FRANK DUNHAM

Whoop-dee-ding! They did the right thing. The court had to stand up for Hamdi. It's about all of us....
FRANK DUNHAM

We don't even know if a guilty plea is going to be accepted by the judge on Friday.
FRANK DUNHAM

We could have people locked up all over the country tomorrow. The government saying 'trust us' is no...
FRANK DUNHAM

We have never authorized detention of a citizen in this county without giving him an opportunity to ...
FRANK DUNHAM

somewhat of a surprise, but not a total surprise.
FRANK DUNHAM

All adventurous women do.
LENA DUNHAM

Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.
LENA DUNHAM

There's just way too much excess going on in our country. People throw things away and don't appreci...
LAURA DUNHAM

I think the year anniversary kind of puts an end to that period of time when the mourning is over.
LAURA DUNHAM

The ocean can give life and easily take life. It was important for me, personally, to have some clos...
LAURA DUNHAM

You know, this isn't theatre like it used to be.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

Frequently producers have partners that they never let the public know about.
KATHERINE DUNHAM

Aside from a few master teachers that we have had over the years, this has been a completely local t...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

We had maybe the greatest success of any company that I know of in Paris, and after two or three yea...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

For the kind of thing that we were showing, the budget was sufficient. As we were speaking of in Hai...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

Don't think you are going to go on forever because you are not and begin to plan something that ...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

So many dancers paint. I used to paint. I started again recently. While I was dancing, I was very bu...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

I could never live a nonproductive life and I feel that I have lived a productive life as far as I w...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

My work has been much more Caribbean and eclectic. I am interested in people, and where they come fr...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

The older I grow the more I see the influence of my family on my life. I didn't always see it. I...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

The best career advice given to the young is: 'Find out what you like doing best and get someone to ...
KATHERINE DUNHAM

It's hard for a girl that short to see the floor as well as she does. Maybe she is small, but her pa...
MARIAH DUNHAM

We were trying to get offense going but we couldn't get anything going. We started going poor on our...
MARIAH DUNHAM

Women saying, 'I'm not a feminist' is my greatest pet peeve. Do you believe that women should be pai...
LENA DUNHAM

Every time I start feeling sexy I trip.
LENA DUNHAM

It strikes me as a sound, honest statement for a prospective voter to say: 'Look, I haven't ...
JEFF GREENFIELD

I do believe we have voter fraud in America.
JEFF SESSIONS

Where I grew up, I could be a punk rocker and a jock. But in college, it became apparent that those ...
JEFF AMENT

I cherish my privacy, and woe betide anyone who tries to interfere with that.
JEFF BECK

Richard Donner's friendship and guidance showed me that there's more to life than being an a...
JEFF COHEN

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
JEFF FOXWORTHY

Market leadership can translate directly to higher revenue, higher profitability, greater capital ve...
JEFF BEZOS

We expect all our businesses to have a positive impact on our top and bottom lines. Profitability is...
JEFF BEZOS

If you're competitor-focused, you have to wait until there is a competitor doing something. Bein...
JEFF BEZOS

It's not an experiment if you know it's going to work.
JEFF BEZOS

Life's too short to hang out with people who aren't resourceful.
JEFF BEZOS

What's dangerous is not to evolve.
JEFF BEZOS

I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people&#...
JEFF KINNEY

People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People ...
JEFF ROSS

If you can't tolerate critics, don't do anything new or interesting.
JEFF BEZOS

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
JEFF FOXWORTHY

'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' is my first book, and it's the fulfillment of a life-long dream. ...
JEFF KINNEY

I know Elon, we're very like minded in many ways. We're not conceptual twins. One thing I wa...
JEFF BEZOS

Tyria's a big world. We get a grand tour in 'Ghosts of Ascalon.' We're in Divinity&#...
JEFF GRUBB

When the blood of thousands of Americans is shed, the impact lingers. For a generation after the Civ...
JEFF GREENFIELD

You obviously don't really forget how to play the old songs; you just don't have to spend so...
JEFF TWEEDY

I think frugality drives innovation, just like other constraints do. One of the only ways to get out...
JEFF BEZOS

Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they've been hurt, they're sensitive, and their cy...
JEFF BRIDGES

It's not about finding relevance or perfection or imperfection in objects, but it's that you...
JEFF KOONS

There's kind of a Zen aspect to bowling. The pins are either staying up or down before you even ...
JEFF BRIDGES

The beauty of the Internet is that anybody can be a broadcaster now.
JEFF ZUCKER

When I was growing up, my house was filled with books. My mother was an educator, and my father was ...
JEFF KINNEY

Some states like Nebraska have thus far responsibly managed their budgets, even in tough times, and ...
JEFF FORTENBERRY

Puberty was the main culprit in ending my acting career. I went from being kind of this chunky littl...
JEFF COHEN

The Census Bureau can ask citizens very invasive questions, and if they don't respond, the gover...
JEFF DUNCAN

While the Census Bureau already has a legal obligation to keep people's information confidential...
JEFF DUNCAN

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!
JEFF KINNEY

What Richard and Mildred Loving did was, by their nature, not by any calculus, they separated themse...
JEFF NICHOLS

I think Vice is vastly overrated. And I think that if you are interested in reaching young males, wh...
JEFF ZUCKER

Why - because as a oil and gas small business owner - I know if someone is not doing their job, they...
JEFF LANDRY

Protestations of indifference to higher office are hard to take seriously when the 'non-candidat...
JEFF GREENFIELD

One of the pillars of backward thinking in America is the idea that you can have jobs or you can hav...
JEFF GOODELL

I'm actually the son of Mary Guibert. My mother was born in the Panama Canal zone and came to Am...
JEFF BUCKLEY

I certainly try to avoid getting bogged down in forensics. There is certainly a whole lot of other w...
JEFF LINDSAY

I love the ocean. Boats, not so much.
JEFF GOLDBLUM

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remem...
JEFF FOXWORTHY

Sensitivity isn't being wimpy. It's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing on a ...
JEFF BUCKLEY

It is very difficult to get people to focus on the most important things when you're in boom tim...
JEFF BEZOS

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if y...
JEFF FOXWORTHY

People can transcend and overcome their differences and be very easily bonded.
JEFF FORTENBERRY

If I'm on form and I'm not being bothered too much by mental problems or whatever, I can whi...
JEFF BECK

It's not a born-again thing; it was a peaceful, really, really cool moment where I just felt tha...
JEFF FISHER

For the first time I could remember, I felt weak, woozy and stupid— like a human-being. Like a ver...
JEFF LINDSAY

There is no such thing as political science, but there are tenancies so strong that they might as we...
JEFF GREENFIELD

Stop trying to treat music like it's a tennis shoe, something to be branded. If the music indust...
JEFF TWEEDY

For special wrestlers, there's somewhere else to go - as long as you're not brainwashed by t...
JEFF HARDY

From the industry's point of view, the problem is not that coal companies blast the top off moun...
JEFF GOODELL

I'm lying in my bed, blanket is warm, this body will never keep me safe from harm. I still feel ...
JEFF BUCKLEY

I am not going to approve the home-screening format for my film just carte blanche in lieu of a thea...
JEFF NICHOLS

Editorial pages all say, 'Well, the other guy has a point, too. It remains to be seen how this w...
JEFF MACNELLY

I am not the Jeff Sessions my detractors have tried to create. I am not a racist. I am not insensiti...
JEFF SESSIONS

I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
JEFF FOXWORTHY

Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of the...
JEFF ZASLOW

But there is a limit to thinking about even a small piece of something monumental. You still see the...
JEFF VANDERMEER

I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better th...
JEFF LINDSAY

You can't do everything but you can do something!
JEFF DIXON

Acting is nothing more or less than playing. The idea is to humanize life.
JEFF GOLDBLUM

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
JEFF VALDEZ

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
JEFF PESIS

Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
JEFF DALY

Change happens in the boiler room of our emotions... so find out how to light their fires.
JEFF DEWAR

We've gotten so used to them making the playoffs, to not even come close was a disappointment. But I've been following the minor league development of the Red Sox on the Web, and it looks like we're going to have a much better, much more competitive team with genuine prospects this year.

Jeff Dunham

Share:

Related

More Jeff Dunham