I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.