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If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.


George Carlin

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KATHERINE PATERSON I'll find you, don't worry. My body won't be with you all the time, but you'll always have my heart....
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WILLIAM LANDAY It was frustrating to still be in the dark about something and be given only so little light.
LAUREN LOLA Not," Swift said firmly, "for all the tea in China."
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WALT DISNEY COMPANY When we put LIVE backwards it spells EVIL, interesting how one word can have two totally opposing me...
GARY F EVANS... I love you." she whispered into the rough wool of his sweater.
L.J. SMITH And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three,...
MONTY PYTHON I make mistakes. That's what I do. I
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MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I have quite a lot of plastic sunglasses. It's just a nice accessory, it adds a final thing, and...
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MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I love natural beauty, and I think it's your best look, but I think makeup as an artist is so tr...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I think celebrity culture and sexuality in pop music is really important, but I want there to be an ...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I'm not really part of that 'L.A. thing' or that celebrity culture. I'm more like so...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS This obsession with celebrity culture is really unhealthy. I don't want to live my life like tha...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Even when I see a beautiful woman, I think, 'Aw, her life must be amazing.' Everyone does it...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Blonde symbolises sexuality and power - it holds very different connotations. The archetypal star ha...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Love is really my nemesis. I never really allowed myself to indulge in such basic things because I w...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Britney Spears is a big influence. Huge. I think people thought I was joking about that for a long t...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Puberty is a phase... fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle. [Stanford]
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MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I often take things I find in vintage crawls and hand them to a very good seamstress, who then repli...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I've read every Madonna biography. I've also looked up every pop star to see how they first ...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Oh my God, she's fashion road-kill!
SEX AND THE CITY I love you, but I love myself more.
SEX AND THE CITY Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had ne...
SEX AND THE CITY Desperate Housewives.
SEX AND THE CITY Sean (while ice-skating with Carrie): I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking.Ca...
SEX AND THE CITY I want you to look at me, connect with me. This is lovemaking, it's not a porno flick. [Maria]
SEX AND THE CITY I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. 'I'm sorry Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. ...
SEX AND THE CITY I feel like everyone has the right to privacy, even if you're the most famous person in the worl...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS When you are in the studio, you don't have anybody to feed off of; meanwhile, when you are playi...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I am absolutely not a roll-on-stage kind of girl! I would be totally freaked out if I didn't war...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS It's a slippery slope, Carrie. Without boundaries you never know what might happen. [Miranda]
SEX AND THE CITY the sort of person who'd back Proposition 14.
SEX AND THE CITY A stud is born! [Stanford]
SEX AND THE CITY Maybe we should get married.[Charlotte] Alrighty.[Trey]
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SEX AND THE CITY Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story.
SEX AND THE CITY No lady likes to dance or dine, accompanied by a porcupine. Burma Shave.
SEX AND THE CITY I don't think I'm an instantaneous act the whole world will love in one second - but that...
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SEX AND THE CITY My style icons are Leigh Lezark, Gwen Stefani and Shirley Manson.
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MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I'm masquerading as an innocent pop star.
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS the lights fade to black.
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SEX AND THE CITY Bellhop: "this is a non-smoking floor."Carrie: "I have an addiction sir!"
SEX AND THE CITY F*** me badly once, shame on you. F*** me badly twice, shame on me.
SEX AND THE CITY Hasty Pudding is no small potatoes (sorry to mix the food references), known for its famous alumni a...
SEX AND THE CITY I knew I wanted a handbag, but they were so pricey. I love Marc Jacobs.
SEX AND THE CITY All other documents in the Getty's possession that could in any way be relevant to the Italian inves...
SEX AND THE CITY 'Rome' vital to HBO TV empire.
SEX AND THE CITY Sex and the City.
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SEX AND THE CITY From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is. [Samantha]
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SEX AND THE CITY Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so hig...
SEX AND THE CITY My character, she's kind of gotten away with her looks, gotten away with her ability to charm people...
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Carrie: I'm good. How are you?
Charlotte: Great.
Carrie: I to...
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SEX AND THE CITY They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein! [Samantha]
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SEX AND THE CITY Junkyard Wars.
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SEX AND THE CITY

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GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W...
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GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the
separation of Church and State.
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GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso...
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
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GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war?
GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ...
GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be...
GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will...
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav...
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GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
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GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h...
GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
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GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
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GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
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For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
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GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language.
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GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
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GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th...
GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach t...
GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c...
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GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A...
GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.

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GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ...
GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ...
GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...
GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking.
GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity
GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a...
GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ...
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi...
GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't...
GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now
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GEORGE CARLIN Think about it,
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GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
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GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
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GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN