When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
Related When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as, Candle ma... NEWT GINGRICH If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as "candle ma... NEWT GINGRICH Yes, my grandfather worked with Thomas Edison on the electric car, and he sold electric cars at the ... AL JARDINE Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a fe... NAPOLEON HILL Edison failed 10, 000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a f... NAPOLEON HILL And George Carlin was a guy that the more he aged the younger he seemed. KEVIN SMITH Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas... THOMAS EDISON By the time we've made it, we've had it. MALCOLM FORBES George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular com... DREW CAREY Sometimes shit's gotta be done and I just fuckin' do it! MANUEL MONGRAIN Just do it... that's all... no matter what, when and where... but just do it. DEYTH BANGER Is it eradicating evil? Or are we like children, left alone in the house at night, who light candle ... MARGARET WEIS Name the fears that are holding you back. It's the equivalent of flooding the boogeyman with light. GINA GREENLEE VIEW FROM A HILL I am not yet quite over it. I am lying down on top of it. Surv... JOHN TOTTENHAM Imagine if Steve Jobs or Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein were all alive 10, 20, 30 years before we ... MARC GUGGENHEIM [At the same briefing Thursday at which McClellan challenged Roberts, he lit into Hearst columnist H... SCOTT MCCLELLAN Do. Then talk. In that order. SOTERO M LOPEZ II Why are you suggesting something… then deny to tell the whole thing? DEYTH BANGER We made some adjustments in the second half, and it seem to work. But it was a little too late for t... GARY KLINGENSMITH Move forward doesn´t mean avoiding the pain, but look towards a new day in spite of the rain. ANA CLAUDIA ANTUNES I consider myself an inventor first and an entrepreneur second. In real life, my hero is Thomas Edis... AARON PATZER Just like any one of us, they started with no road map or guarantee of success. But they went out an... CAMILLE SWEENEY Limit or eliminate late-night computer and television viewing. A computer or TV screen may seem much... ANDREW WEIL We owe a lot to Thomas Edison -- if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. MILTON BERLE I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Alva Edison. THOMAS ALVA EDISON Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the... G.K. CHESTERTON For clarification of your doubts about matched betting learn from The Sure Bettor a perfect guide to... THE SURE BETTOR Success is a Journey: so, don’t forget to pack your COURAGE: to face the obstacles heading your wa... PHILIP T. M. I just have work to do; I just do it. IAN MACKAYE Martin was the catalyst ... he had been producing light comedy and classical until then and had no e... MARK MAXSON It ends or it doesn't. That’s what you say. That’s how you get through it. The tu... CAITLYN SIEHL Today's collaborative technologies are presenting a real challenge for patent law, ... and for the k... ADAM JAFFE We're doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That's what it is to be alive. It's pretty dense kid... KURT VONNEGUT Not might
but light
lit Maccabees'
lamp
through the night. O ANNA NIEMUS What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Tho... STEPHEN LEACOCK Just think how much poorer we would be today if the world would have had half as many people in the ... ROBERT ZUBRIN Whether you're beginning with the foundation or you're finishing off the second story...the purposef... JOHN WAIRE When a man takes one step toward God, God takes more steps toward that man than there are sands in t... THE WORK OF THE CHARIOT If therefore you shall be remembered for what you did with what you had more than what you had, use ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Once the concentration camps and the hell-holes of the world were in darkness. Now they are lit by t... PETER BENENSON There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. EDITH WHARTON There are two ways of spreading light: To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. EDITH WHARTON There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that receives it. EDITH WHARTON There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that refledts it. EDITH WARTON 18621937 We all think of doing something distinctive in life. We all do dream of becoming great and leaving d... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I am the Thomas Edison of conversational stupidity. JESSE ANDREWS Do the thing and you will have the power. RALPH WALDO EMERSON I remember on one of my many visits with JOSEPH LEWIS The seven words George Carlin said you couldn’t say on TV or radio (“fuck,” “piss,” “shi... MARY NORRIS Always Be Ready For Anything that Comes: Bananas, Chips, College, an Opportunity, so when it does yo... DANIEL OJEDA All the same,” replied Syme patiently, “just at present you only see the tree by the light of th... GARTH RISK HALLBERG If you have a question, ask. How do you ask? Say it or write it SOTONYE ANGA The people's government, made for the people, made by the people, and answerable to the people. DANIEL WEBSTER The value of routine; trusting your swing. LORII MYERS If you want a revenge, don't hold it. It poisons you. Either you just let the grudge go, or mak... TOBA BETA Each day I will accomplish one thing on my to do list. LAILAH GIFTY AKITA It has made Anaheim the laughingstock of the country -- (on) late-night TV, cartoons, ESPN. ANDREW GUILFORD I was really proud that I was named after Thomas Edison and wanted to be called Edson. I thought Pel... PELE dont wait for next minute, next hour, next day, next week, next year, just do it if you want to do i... ANON QUOTER Do it and they will follow CHARMAINE J. FORDE Produce your own dream. If you want to save Peru, go save Peru. It’s quite possible to do anything... JOHN LENNON We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlel... MILTON BERLE I came from Paris in the Spring of 1884, and was brought in intimate contact with him [Thomas Edison... NIKOLA TESLA What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that... STEPHEN LEACOCK An electric junction is a point where the wiring divides into 2 or more. Do not mistake it to be the... APURVA GAGLANI until we do what has not yet been done, what has not been done shall remain undone ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH 28. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. It's what you do with them that causes the problems. JAMES C. DOBSON I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES Do we think that when the day has been idly spent and squandered away by us, we shall be fit to work... JOHN TILLOTSON Do not let the tears fool you. She lied and cheated once, she will again. Your call to continue with... TREVON CLARK I don't think man and woman should be compared, You don't compare things that complete one another. FAITH N. Those who want to hear from you will let you hear from them. TREVON CLARK God walked with humanity in the cool of the day and gave them the most difficult and hottest parts o... JOEY TALLADINO Quoting from Thomas Merton Dialogues With Silence The true contemplative is not one who pr... STEPHEN COPE You might almost say, that this strange uncompromisedness in him involved a sort of unintelegence; f... HERMAN MELVILLE The glass candle is meant to represent truth and learning, rare and beautiful and fragile things. It... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN He muttered something foul and then climbed the stairs, rapping twice on Timmie’s door. “Ri... JEANIENE FROST You don't get drown by falling into a river. You get drown by remaining there. Falling accidentally ... ISRAELMORE AYIVOR And what, by the by, is a yale?" "A heraldic beast," Thomas explained. The doctor sniffed.... BERNARD CORNWELL My evening really begins when I take a long, hot bath. I light a candle, and I turn on the news and ... VERA WANG We had to put three months (of preparation) into one, ... We were going night and day, burning the c... MARK SNYDER Everyone always says how I'm so smart, but they don't know what it's like being me. always feeling l... SUSANE COLASANTI Before you dive in head first, make sure the water is not shallow. KATHERINE DIVOLIS We relied too much on Lauren in the first half. We made sure (Betty) knew she had the green light. H... ANNE DONOVAN It's not worth it to build castles on the sand if they get destroyed by the waves of reality. MLADEN ĐORđEVIć Although I cannot see your face As you flip these poems awhile, Somewhere from some far-of... SHEL SILVERSTEIN It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech an... RON WHITE "Yes," I answered you last night;
"No," this morning, sir, I say:
Colors seen by candle-light
... ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING I just...feel like I need to save everyone. To redeem myself. JAMES DASHNER He doesn't seem to be fazed by the fact that he works with lingerie. He really doesn't talk about th... MELANIE HILL Attorney General Lynch is pleased the commission agreed that Narragansett Electric has to comply wit... MICHAEL HEALEY I read a lot this week but my favorite character that does not appears very much but has a nig part ... DAV PILKEY No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he put... JESUS CHRIST True spirituality does not require the need of an external middleman or mediator (priest, rabbi, gur... THE INNER LIGHT You release the pain of the past and press on. It's a new day, and God is doing a new thing. He want... CRAIG GROESCHEL People become more ignorant when it comes to religion. DANIEL MELGAçO As long as that song plays, I get to put my hands on you, and I can’t guarantee I’m going to be ... MEREDITH WILD Just give me one night, Vanessa. One night, and I won’t let you regret it. MEREDITH WILD The candle is the light of life that is constantly thriving to hang on and light up the darkness of ... ENOCK MAREGESI
More George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they... GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning. GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as bi... GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W... GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don... GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institution... GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job! GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat. GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso... GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ... GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e... GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb... GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ... GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war? GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked. GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ... GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be... GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will... GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.- GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la... GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa... GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h... GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i... GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil... GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t... GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be... GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky... GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi... GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than... GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different.... GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization. GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the... GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body. GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language. GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh... GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&... GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class... GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th... GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning... GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y... GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning. GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight... GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b... GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish... GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to... GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider! GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b... GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect... GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ... GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can... GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th... GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach t... GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c... GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ... GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A... GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’... GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police. GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ... GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual... GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ... GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ... GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the... GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-. GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw... GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ... GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking. GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti... GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything. GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type, GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident. GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones. GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations... GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea... GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first. GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'... GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a... GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help. GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play? GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ... GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi... GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't... GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic GEORGE CARLIN Think about it, GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and... GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your... GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal. GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ... GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. GEORGE CARLIN Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long ... GEORGE CARLIN