H. L. Mencken quote: "I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them."

Honor is simply the morality of superior men.
H. L. MENCKEN

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
H. L. MENCKEN

There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
H. L. MENCKEN

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
H. L. MENCKEN

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
H. L. MENCKEN

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
H. L. MENCKEN

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
H. L. MENCKEN

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
H. L. MENCKEN

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin sl...
H. L. MENCKEN

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
H. L. MENCKEN

On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
H. L. MENCKEN

The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation...
H. L. MENCKEN

Nothing is so abject and pathetic as a politician who has lost his job, save only a retired stud-hor...
H. L. MENCKEN

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
H. L. MENCKEN

One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly ...
H. L. MENCKEN

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to ...
H. L. MENCKEN

Time stays, we go.
H. L. MENCKEN

A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man.
H. L. MENCKEN

The truth is, as every one knows, that the great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom...
H. L. MENCKEN

Archbishop -- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who wi...
H. L. MENCKEN

All the political seers and sorcerers seem to be agreed that the coming Presidential campaign will b...
H. L. MENCKEN

The time must come inevitably when mankind shall surmount the imbecility of religion, as it has surm...
H. L. MENCKEN

The chief knowledge that a man gets from reading books is the knowledge that very few of them are wo...
H. L. MENCKEN

There are two kinds of books. Those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.
H. L. MENCKEN

There are people who read too much: bibliobibuli. I know some who are constantly drunk on books, as ...
H. L. MENCKEN

War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adr...
H. L. MENCKEN

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had an...
H. L. MENCKEN

Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.
H. L. MENCKEN

To be in love is merely to be in a perpetual state of anesthesia.
H. L. MENCKEN

I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys...
H. L. MENCKEN

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
H. L. MENCKEN

If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.
H. L. MENCKEN

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's ...
H. L. MENCKEN

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed [and hence clamorous to be led t...
H. L. MENCKEN

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense that we respect his theory that ...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is a sin to believe in the evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
H. L. MENCKEN

Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party...
H. L. MENCKEN

We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
H. L. MENCKEN

No man could bring himself to reveal his true character, and, above all, his true limitations as a c...
H. L. MENCKEN

School-days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of du...
H. L. MENCKEN

Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.
H. L. MENCKEN

The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all: it is simply to reduce as many in...
H. L. MENCKEN

The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woe, is his stupendous capacity for believing the ...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
H. L. MENCKEN

Fame: an embalmer trembling with stage fright.
H. L. MENCKEN

So few men are really worth knowing, that it seems a shameful waste to let an anthropoid prejudice s...
H. L. MENCKEN

One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will...
H. L. MENCKEN

The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false face for the urge to rule it.
H. L. MENCKEN

Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her hea...
H. L. MENCKEN

A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regar...
H. L. MENCKEN

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, th...
H. L. MENCKEN

Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.
H. L. MENCKEN

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
H. L. MENCKEN

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
H. L. MENCKEN

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards ce...
H. L. MENCKEN

To the best of my knowledge and belief, the average American newspaper, even of the so-called better...
H. L. MENCKEN

The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
H. L. MENCKEN

Time is the great equalizer in the field of morals.
H. L. MENCKEN

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act...
H. L. MENCKEN

Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99% of them are ...
H. L. MENCKEN

Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he...
H. L. MENCKEN

The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is t...
H. L. MENCKEN

Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in l...
H. L. MENCKEN

A metaphysician is one who, when you remark that twice two makes four, demands to know what you mean...
H. L. MENCKEN

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usuall...
H. L. MENCKEN

There is no record in history of a happy philosopher.
H. L. MENCKEN

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it is a...
H. L. MENCKEN

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid f...
H. L. MENCKEN

A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendura...
H. L. MENCKEN

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
H. L. MENCKEN

Man is never honestly the fatalist, nor even the stoic. He fights his fate, often desperately. He is...
H. L. MENCKEN

I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upo...
H. L. MENCKEN

There is nothing worse than an idle hour, with no occupation offering. People who have many such hou...
H. L. MENCKEN

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that th...
H. L. MENCKEN

One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly m...
H. L. MENCKEN

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
H. L. MENCKEN

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
H. L. MENCKEN

The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error is identical with the discovery ...
H. L. MENCKEN

Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.
H. L. MENCKEN

What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
H. L. MENCKEN

The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.
H. L. MENCKEN

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
H. L. MENCKEN

Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
H. L. MENCKEN

Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
H. L. MENCKEN

If I had my way, no man guilty of golf would be eligible to any office of trust under the United Sta...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite eas...
H. L. MENCKEN

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
H. L. MENCKEN

The cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy.
H. L. MENCKEN

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what They want, and deserve to get it good and h...
H. L. MENCKEN

Democracy is also a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.
H. L. MENCKEN

The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest...
H. L. MENCKEN

The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe.
H. L. MENCKEN

Lying is not only excusable; it is not only innocent; it is, above all, necessary and unavoidable. W...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is impossible to think of a man of any actual force and originality, universally recognized as ha...
H. L. MENCKEN

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
H. L. MENCKEN

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.
H. L. MENCKEN

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
H. L. MENCKEN

As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
H. L. MENCKEN

Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and mis...
H. L. MENCKEN

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.
H. L. MENCKEN

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not s...
H. L. MENCKEN

Historian -- an unsuccessful novelist.
H. L. MENCKEN

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.
H. L. MENCKEN

The evidence of the emotions, save in cases where it has strong objective support, is really no evid...
H. L. MENCKEN

Government is actually the worst failure of civilized man. There has never been a really good one, a...
H. L. MENCKEN

The legislature, like the executive, has ceased to be even the creature of the people: it is the cre...
H. L. MENCKEN

The objection of the scandalmonger is not that she tells of racy doings, but that she pretends to be...
H. L. MENCKEN

God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable. They find not only san...
H. L. MENCKEN

The movies today are too rich to have any room for genuine artists. They produce a few passable craf...
H. L. MENCKEN

Injustice is relatively easy to bear what stings is justice.
H. L. MENCKEN

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the ...
H. L. MENCKEN

JUDGE, n: A law student who marks his own papers.
H. L. MENCKEN

Most people want security in this world, not liberty.
H. L. MENCKEN

The fact that I have no remedy for all the sorrows of the world is no reason for my accepting yours....
H. L. MENCKEN

Thanksgiving Day is a day devoted by persons with inflammatory rheumatism to thanking a loving Fathe...
H. L. MENCKEN

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
H. L. MENCKEN

The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.
H. L. MENCKEN

Hygiene is the corruption of medicine by morality. It is impossible to find a hygienist who does not...
H. L. MENCKEN

Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
H. L. MENCKEN

The Belief that man is outfitted with an immortal soul, differing altogether from the engines which ...
H. L. MENCKEN

Alimony -- the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
H. L. MENCKEN

A gentlemen is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
H. L. MENCKEN

No one hates his job so heartily as a farmer.
H. L. MENCKEN

The public, with its mob yearning to be instructed, edified and pulled by the nose, demands certaint...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.
H. L. MENCKEN

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize-fighters shaking hands.
H. L. MENCKEN

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
H. L. MENCKEN

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
H. L. MENCKEN

The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt.
H. L. MENCKEN

Imagine the Creator as a stand up comedian - and at once the world becomes explicable.
H. L. MENCKEN

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though sh...
H. L. MENCKEN

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
H. L. MENCKEN

Unionism, seldom if ever, uses such powers as it has to ensure better work; almost always it devotes...
H. L. MENCKEN

I never agree with Communists or any other kind of kept men.
H. L. MENCKEN

The idea that leisure is of value in itself is only conditionally true. The average man simply spend...
H. L. MENCKEN

Remorse is regret that one waited so long to do it.
H. L. MENCKEN

Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
H. L. MENCKEN

Life is a dead-end street.
H. L. MENCKEN

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though sh...
H. L. MENCKEN

It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound c...
H. L. MENCKEN

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act...
H. L. MENCKEN

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. MENCKEN

The truth is that the average schoolmaster, on all the lower levels, is and always must be essential...
H. L. MENCKEN

The more a man dreams, the less he believes.
H. L. MENCKEN

On one issue at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
H. L. MENCKEN

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays twice as much in taxes as he former...
H. L. MENCKEN

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the...
H. L. MENCKEN

Before a man speaks, it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks it is seldom nec...
H. L. MENCKEN

How little it takes to make life unbearable: a pebble in the shoe, a cockroach in the spaghetti, a w...
H. L. MENCKEN

The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
H. L. MENCKEN

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
H. L. MENCKEN

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundre...
H. L. MENCKEN

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
H. L. MENCKEN

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other a...
H. L. MENCKEN

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H. L. MENCKEN

To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for idea...
H. L. MENCKEN

The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another...
H. L. MENCKEN

I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
H. L. MENCKEN

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
H. L. MENCKEN

Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
H. L. MENCKEN

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at la...
H. L. MENCKEN

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
H. L. MENCKEN

In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
H. L. MENCKEN

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief ...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hones...
H. L. MENCKEN

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
H. L. MENCKEN

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice t...
H. L. MENCKEN

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led t...
H. L. MENCKEN

It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sou...
H. L. MENCKEN

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
H. L. MENCKEN

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will a...
H. L. MENCKEN

Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of...
H. L. MENCKEN

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what...
H. L. MENCKEN

Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven...
H. L. MENCKEN

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
H. L. MENCKEN

No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed age...
H. L. MENCKEN

The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexpl...
H. L. MENCKEN

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice...
H. L. MENCKEN

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of peop...
H. L. MENCKEN

The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regar...
H. L. MENCKEN

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
H. L. MENCKEN

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.
H. L. MENCKEN

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries fo...
H. L. MENCKEN

It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get ...
H. L. MENCKEN

Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince.
H. L. MENCKEN

Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom nec...
H. L. MENCKEN

For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our f...
H. L. MENCKEN

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
H. L. MENCKEN

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
H. L. MENCKEN

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he fo...
H. L. MENCKEN

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
H. L. MENCKEN

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
H. L. MENCKEN

It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.
H. L. MENCKEN

Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
H. L. MENCKEN

Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time ma...
H. L. MENCKEN

Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and mis...
H. L. MENCKEN

A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and ...
H. L. MENCKEN

There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are goo...
H. L. MENCKEN

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.

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H. L. Mencken

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.

H. L. Mencken

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