The trick to negotiation was to hold all the cards going in and, even if you didn't, to try to look as though you did.


Eoin Colfer

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I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.
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The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.
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Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.
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A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.
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Holly is alive,' thought Foaly
'My princess lives,'exulted Orion. 'And we're chasing a dragon
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Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?
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So if you're not Artemis Fowl, then who are you?"

The boy extended a dripping hand straig...
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How do I love thee? wondered Orion. "Let me see. I love thee passionately and eternally...obviously ...
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I feel a little dizzy," said Orion. "But also wonderfully elated. I feel that I am on the verge of f...
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I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?
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Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!
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Orion sniffed. "Good. Then, Worthy Centaur, perhaps you could give me a ride to the village on your ...
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It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.
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Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
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Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
EOIN COLFER
If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.
EOIN COLFER
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EOIN COLFER
Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have trav...
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I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."
Opal tapped t...
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Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer t...
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I'm kind of in the dark. All I know is that the screenplay is finished.
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And I will not be beaten by that jackass."

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I know what dissipate means, Arty. I'm not three, for heaven's sake.
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this was business.
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Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.
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Holly clambered after him, struggling up the human-size steps.
"Wait! Just wait," she called, ...
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Certain battles were won by retreating.
EOIN COLFER
Anybody see you come in here?"
Holly thought about it.
"The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, M16. Oh, a...
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Don't worry chief,"said foaly,"It's like riding a unicorn,you never forget.
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What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"
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But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart.
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If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written
EOIN COLFER
Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP ...
EOIN COLFER
Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly....
EOIN COLFER
My bugs don't have bugs.
EOIN COLFER
Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?
EOIN COLFER
If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.
EOIN COLFER
Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.
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Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.
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Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.
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Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.
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I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the ...
EOIN COLFER
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I don't like lollipops.
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Trust me. I'm a genius.
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Of course I saved you," she said. "I couldn't do without you." And because she was happy and flushed...
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Artemis: Holly, how did you find me?

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EOIN COLFER
The little boys did as they were told, eager to please their deranged brother.

"Ici, g...
EOIN COLFER
Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this.

At least Artemis hoped this was what...
EOIN COLFER
how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.
Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magi...
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The only lesson I really wanted to get across,
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I can invent my own creatures and give them their own powers. It was great fun.
EOIN COLFER
I can invent my own creatures and give them their own powers
EOIN COLFER
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I was lucky I was never bullied at school - I had a great gang of friends.
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A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladde...
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Holly
EOIN COLFER
code red thing.’ Holly
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upprising.
EOIN COLFER
Pizza, pizza,
Fill up your face,
The thicker the pastry,
The better the base!
EOIN COLFER
Sometimes, Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker would be thrown out a high window and th...
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The lucky ones hit partitions and went straight through. The unlucky ones collided with solid cinder...
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Butler shot one of the half dozen diners a fierce glare, just in case she might be planning somethin...
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Artemis took a chance on some calculated sarcasm. “Really, Spiro. Did you think I would attempt a ...
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There's nothing more dangerous than a short guy with something to prove.
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Jon Spiro might have “stuff ” that the military didn’t have, but Artemis Fowl had “stuff ”...
EOIN COLFER
The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.
EOIN COLFER
Together we will be unstoppable.
EOIN COLFER
Waitress: "And to drink?"
Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As...
EOIN COLFER
The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can d...
EOIN COLFER
You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy ...
EOIN COLFER
So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?"

"That's right. My mother's folks are from Kil...
EOIN COLFER
The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperanc...
EOIN COLFER
When the moment comes, will you take your chance to be a hero?
EOIN COLFER
Jon Spiro had not hired Pex and Chips for their debating sills. In the job interview, they had only ...
EOIN COLFER
(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)
EOIN COLFER
And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a femal...
EOIN COLFER
This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several ...
EOIN COLFER
She held out a small voice recorder. 'By the way, could you describe exactly how you felt at the mom...
EOIN COLFER
You still awake?' asked the anesthetist.
'Nope,' I replied.
EOIN COLFER
Excuse me, Tex," the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babi...
EOIN COLFER
Red was smiling back at me. “Ok. I'm not in trouble. But tell me your heart didn't start beating f...
EOIN COLFER
When you've come face-to-face with the dark side of the school yard, life doesn't hold many surprise...
EOIN COLFER
Her glare was so intense that you completely forgot she was wearing pink.
EOIN COLFER
Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.
EOIN COLFER
It felt like my teeth were sweating. Eoin Colfer's The Legend of Spud Murphy
EOIN COLFER
Today he became a killer, or else a corpse.
EOIN COLFER
Artemis and Holly stood together in their underwear, gingerly locking fingers. They had crossed spac...
EOIN COLFER
Young love is common, but that doesn't mean it's not precious.
EOIN COLFER
Some people just needed to be stolen from.
EOIN COLFER
They were in a position of total ignorance and people in that position often died without being enli...
EOIN COLFER
This might hurt a little is universal code for this will definitely hurt a lot
EOIN COLFER
The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.
EOIN COLFER
Oh,It's going to be so easy to kill you",scoffed Opal.
EOIN COLFER
Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?
EOIN COLFER
Now I can do the bolts," she slurred. "I've been trying to focus enough magic all week."
The ma...
EOIN COLFER
I can grow cameras!" she had shrieked at the Brill brothers during one briefing. "Who's to say that ...
EOIN COLFER
The next minute or so was spent howling on the ceiling . Imp No.1 joined in, but he wasn't really fe...
EOIN COLFER
Maybe I owe you something too, human," she said, drawing her pistol. Butler almost reacted, but deci...
EOIN COLFER
Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.
EOIN COLFER
Artemis simple-toon
EOIN COLFER
I am not exuding anything," said Holly through gritted teeth.

Orion tapped her shoulder. ...
EOIN COLFER
Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of cour...
EOIN COLFER
A fifeteen-year old, of to save the world, with faries. - Angeline Fowl
EOIN COLFER
Radomosity, thought Artemis. And he felt like weeping.
EOIN COLFER
I'm the nut!
EOIN COLFER
Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. "Mmm," he mumbled around his tongue. "Hors...
EOIN COLFER
Earth,” he began, ignoring the impulse to open his notes folder and count the words. He knew this ...
EOIN COLFER
Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube...
EOIN COLFER
Are you saying that you people knew about these amorophobots all the time?"
"Of course we did. ...
EOIN COLFER
Orion sniffed. "Good. Then, worthy centaur, perhaps you could give me a ride to the village on your ...
EOIN COLFER
Butler snapped his fingers. "Focus, Artemis! Time enough for your Atlantis Complex later. We have th...
EOIN COLFER
Artemis: I am not buoyed by that.
Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are sup...
EOIN COLFER
Quickly, Holly," said Artemis urgently. "Follow those bubbles."

Holly opened the throttle...
EOIN COLFER
Very well, I promise. So, what did you get for me?" Angeline paused for a beat. "Jeans." "What?" cro...
EOIN COLFER
Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."
Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before br...
EOIN COLFER
So, what did you get for me?"
Angeline paused for a beat. "Jeans."
"What?" croaked Artemis...
EOIN COLFER
Orion:"Oh, how I pray that dragon will turn 'round so that I may smite it."
Foaly: "Smite it wi...
EOIN COLFER
Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, O...
EOIN COLFER
Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said.

"Not me!" said Ori...
EOIN COLFER
Are you an angel or a devil, sir? I need to know. Are you taking me up or down?
EOIN COLFER
All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.
EOIN COLFER
Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from...
EOIN COLFER
He had seen bigger men than he with mummy's handkerchief clutched in on hand and a bloody dagger in ...
EOIN COLFER
She strode across the McGraney boundary without a backward glance, legs cutting twin swatches in the...
EOIN COLFER
Artemis remembered a few lines from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: “But I don’t want to go ...
EOIN COLFER
The others ignored him, busy doing what men generally do in dangerous times: putting on their trouse...
EOIN COLFER
It looks like you've found an intellectual equal, Mulch," said Holly. "It's a pity he isn't a girl; ...
EOIN COLFER
Remember the pain?' thought Artemis. I hate myself. I really do.
EOIN COLFER
They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.
EOIN COLFER
HOLLY: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book?
FOALY: No. I'm suggesting yo...
EOIN COLFER
Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.
EOIN COLFER
It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door t...
EOIN COLFER
Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test q...
EOIN COLFER
No one's ever really ready for a troll.
EOIN COLFER
confidence is ignorance.If your'e feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know
EOIN COLFER
...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile."
"...Where's all the loot...
EOIN COLFER
Maybe I'm just gonna kill you," says Mike, peeved at being predictable. "You ever think of that?" EOIN COLFER Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts.
EOIN COLFER
When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kid...
EOIN COLFER
I am perhaps unusual in that I came to 'Doctor Who' through the numerous novelisations and n...
EOIN COLFER
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.
EOIN COLFER
I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish ...
EOIN COLFER
The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one ser...
EOIN COLFER
It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice.
EOIN COLFER
No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
EOIN COLFER
There is always a use for everything, Victor had told him. Even pain.
EOIN COLFER
This was the perfect place to run her. Put her on the lead and put her on the rail, and you're prett...
EOIN HARTY
She really hasn't had a lot of experience, but every race she seems to get better and better. She's ...
EOIN HARTY
After his last race, I wasn't that shocked at the news. (Fulton) said he just felt the decision was ...
EOIN HARTY
He obviously resents being taken back.
EOIN HARTY
It doesn't matter how old I get, I always act like an excited five year-old kid with severe ADD ...
CHRIS COLFER
To Grandma,
for being my first editor and giving me the best writing advice I’ve ever receive...
CHRIS COLFER
I was a lone duck in a swan-filled pond who criticized everyone.
CHRIS COLFER
Anyone can have a once-upon-a-time or a happily-ever-after, but it's the journey between that makes ...
CHRIS COLFER
You've got to show the world who you are before it tells you. Otherwise you become victim to someone...
CHRIS COLFER
The world will always choose convenience over reality. It's easier to hate, blame, and fear than it ...
CHRIS COLFER
Courage is one thing that no one can ever take away from you.
CHRIS COLFER
...because a life without meaning, without drive or focus, without dreams or goals, isn't a life wor...
CHRIS COLFER
Don’t listen to what people tell you because they’ll try to bring you down. And don’t listen t...
CHRIS COLFER
I’ve tried being other people and myself suits me the best.
CHRIS COLFER
A villain is just a victim whose story hasn’t been told.
CHRIS COLFER
I grew up in a conservative small town, and the gay characters I saw on TV and in movies when I was ...
CHRIS COLFER
Oh, I have this feud going with the L.A. Unified School District, because I keep getting these phone...
CHRIS COLFER
I wonder if people would learn from the Little Mermaid’s heartbreak when she dies at the end of he...
CHRIS COLFER
Even after years of constant abuse from her stepmother and her stepsisters, Cinderella remained a go...
CHRIS COLFER
Be brave. Courage is one thing that no one can ever take away from you.
CHRIS COLFER
Who wouldn't have gone to the ends of the earth to be reunited with the person they loved more than ...
CHRIS COLFER
Even in the worst of situations-even when it seems no one in the world appreciates you-as long as yo...
CHRIS COLFER
Once upon a time' These are the most magical words our world has ever known and the gateway to the g...
CHRIS COLFER