Jon Spiro had not hired Pex and Chips for their debating sills. In the job interview, they had only been set one task. A hundred applicants were handed a walnut and asked to smash it however they could. Only two succeeded. Pex had shouted at the walnut for a few minutes, then flattened it between his giant palms. Chips had opted for a more controversial method. He placed the walnut on the table, grabbed is interviewer by the ponytail, and used the man's forehead to smash the nut. Both men were hired on the spot. They quickly established themselves as Arno Blunt's most reliable leiutenants for in-house work. They were not allowed outside Chicago, as this could involve map reading, something Pex and Chips were not very good at.


Eoin Colfer

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So, what did you get for me?"
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Foaly: "Smite it wi...
EOIN COLFER
Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, O...
EOIN COLFER
Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said.

"Not me!" said Ori...
EOIN COLFER
Are you an angel or a devil, sir? I need to know. Are you taking me up or down?
EOIN COLFER
All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.
EOIN COLFER
Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from...
EOIN COLFER
He had seen bigger men than he with mummy's handkerchief clutched in on hand and a bloody dagger in ...
EOIN COLFER
She strode across the McGraney boundary without a backward glance, legs cutting twin swatches in the...
EOIN COLFER
Artemis remembered a few lines from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: “But I don’t want to go ...
EOIN COLFER
The others ignored him, busy doing what men generally do in dangerous times: putting on their trouse...
EOIN COLFER
It looks like you've found an intellectual equal, Mulch," said Holly. "It's a pity he isn't a girl; ...
EOIN COLFER
Remember the pain?' thought Artemis. I hate myself. I really do.
EOIN COLFER
They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.
EOIN COLFER
HOLLY: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book?
FOALY: No. I'm suggesting yo...
EOIN COLFER
Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.
EOIN COLFER
It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door t...
EOIN COLFER
Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test q...
EOIN COLFER
No one's ever really ready for a troll.
EOIN COLFER
confidence is ignorance.If your'e feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know
EOIN COLFER
...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile."
"...Where's all the loot...
EOIN COLFER
Maybe I'm just gonna kill you," says Mike, peeved at being predictable. "You ever think of that?" EOIN COLFER Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts.
EOIN COLFER
When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kid...
EOIN COLFER
I am perhaps unusual in that I came to 'Doctor Who' through the numerous novelisations and n...
EOIN COLFER
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.
EOIN COLFER
I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish ...
EOIN COLFER
The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one ser...
EOIN COLFER
It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice.
EOIN COLFER
No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
EOIN COLFER
There is always a use for everything, Victor had told him. Even pain.
EOIN COLFER
This was the perfect place to run her. Put her on the lead and put her on the rail, and you're prett...
EOIN HARTY
She really hasn't had a lot of experience, but every race she seems to get better and better. She's ...
EOIN HARTY
After his last race, I wasn't that shocked at the news. (Fulton) said he just felt the decision was ...
EOIN HARTY
He obviously resents being taken back.
EOIN HARTY
It doesn't matter how old I get, I always act like an excited five year-old kid with severe ADD ...
CHRIS COLFER
To Grandma,
for being my first editor and giving me the best writing advice I’ve ever receive...
CHRIS COLFER
I was a lone duck in a swan-filled pond who criticized everyone.
CHRIS COLFER
Anyone can have a once-upon-a-time or a happily-ever-after, but it's the journey between that makes ...
CHRIS COLFER
You've got to show the world who you are before it tells you. Otherwise you become victim to someone...
CHRIS COLFER
The world will always choose convenience over reality. It's easier to hate, blame, and fear than it ...
CHRIS COLFER
Courage is one thing that no one can ever take away from you.
CHRIS COLFER
...because a life without meaning, without drive or focus, without dreams or goals, isn't a life wor...
CHRIS COLFER
Don’t listen to what people tell you because they’ll try to bring you down. And don’t listen t...
CHRIS COLFER
I’ve tried being other people and myself suits me the best.
CHRIS COLFER
A villain is just a victim whose story hasn’t been told.
CHRIS COLFER
I grew up in a conservative small town, and the gay characters I saw on TV and in movies when I was ...
CHRIS COLFER
Oh, I have this feud going with the L.A. Unified School District, because I keep getting these phone...
CHRIS COLFER
I wonder if people would learn from the Little Mermaid’s heartbreak when she dies at the end of he...
CHRIS COLFER
Even after years of constant abuse from her stepmother and her stepsisters, Cinderella remained a go...
CHRIS COLFER
Be brave. Courage is one thing that no one can ever take away from you.
CHRIS COLFER
Who wouldn't have gone to the ends of the earth to be reunited with the person they loved more than ...
CHRIS COLFER
Even in the worst of situations-even when it seems no one in the world appreciates you-as long as yo...
CHRIS COLFER
Once upon a time' These are the most magical words our world has ever known and the gateway to the g...
CHRIS COLFER