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Stand-up is the scariest thing - whether it's TV, movies, improv - stand-up is the worst.


Melissa Peterman

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It's not whether you fall or make a mistake, it's what you do when you fall. And I say you s...
CARY-HIROYUKI TAGAWA Stand-up, I find it really difficult. It's not really my thing.
OSCAR NUNEZ Stand up for what is right even if you're standing alone.
SUZY KASSEM Stand-up and sketch and improv - that's the most direct contact you can have with somebody, maki...
T. J. MILLER Staring down the barrel of a gun is the scariest thing you could ever experience. It's not funny...
CHRISTINA MILIAN Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what...
BILL BURR My roots are in stand-up, and stand-up is very freeing. There's no script involved; you just fly...
HARLAND WILLIAMS Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don't give up the fight.
BOB MARLEY Improvisation is almost like the retarded cousin in the comedy world. We've been trying forever ...
AMY POEHLER I took an improv class in 2005 in Chicago at ComedySportz, which was short-form, more of a games-bas...
HANNIBAL BURESS I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I d...
DAVE ATTELL A fact is like a sack - it won't stand up if it's empty. To make it stand up, first you have...
LUIGI PIRANDELLO But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an ...
DEMETRI MARTIN Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters.
JEFFREY FRY Lesbians are likely to be drawn to stand-up, if only because it's cheaper to produce and therefo...
KATE CLINTON I stand up to people.
KEITH OLBERMANN That TV show, 'After Thought,' is really exciting. It's a cross between 'Inception&#...
EVAN DAUGHERTY No matter whether it's someone from the political left or right, we just need a voice to stand u...
BRIGITTE BARDOT Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don't give up the fight.
BOB MARLEY It's important to stand up for what you believe in.
CODY LINLEY There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.
DAVE CHAPPELLE Washington is out of control, and it's time for Texans to stand up and stop them.
BILL FLORES Sobering up was responsible for breaking up my marriage. That's what it couldn't stand.
JAMES TAYLOR Get up, stand up
Stand up for your rights
Get up, stand up
Don't give up the fight.
BOB MARLEY Anybody that'll stand up to The Cline is all right.
PATSY CLINE The Gospel can stand up to scrutiny.
FRANK PERETTI I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL A lot of improvisers mistakenly assume stand-up is awful, because there are a lot of stand-ups in th...
KURT BRAUNOHLER I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in l...
ROBIN WILLIAMS The thing I like about baseball is that it's one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you ma...
HANK AARON Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else'...
CHELSEA HANDLER Stand up to injustice, even if you stand alone
SUZY KASSEM Everything is a learning process: any time you fall over, it's just teaching you to stand up the...
JOEL EDGERTON You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. T...
LOUIS C. K. It is in the American tradition to stand up for one's rights--even if the new way to stand up for on...
JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY It's time to replace career politicians with citizen's politicians. It's time to elect p...
CHRISTINE O'DONNELL Stand-up comedy is mine: it's my entity; it's my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do ...
KEVIN HART With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.
AZIZ ANSARI Stand up! stand up for Jesus!
GEORGE DUFFIELD 90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that'...
PATTON OSWALT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT For the most part I could barely stand up. It was like the worst feeling ever. But I got through it.
PACMAN JONES Bad improv happens with people who are inexperienced with each other and don't know the craft th...
KRISTEN SCHAAL Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights
BOB MARLEY There comes a time when you have to stand up and be counted.
GALE SAYERS Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.
AZIZ ANSARI I'm not a stand-up comedian; I'm not a satirist.
JAMES CORDEN Stand up to hypocrisy. If you don't, the hypocrites will teach. Stand up to ignorance, because if yo...
SUZY KASSEM Stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone.
SUZY KASSEM Silence is the most expensive to buy.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA But, yes, I learned everything working in theater. I learned the importance of community - I was con...
ELIZABETH MERIWETHER The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans goi...
JOE WURZELBACHER I can't stand to watch anything that I'm in. I tear it apart. The worst thing you can do is ...
ELIAS KOTEAS With the stand-up comic on TV, whether it's Seinfeld or Cosby or Roseanne, more important than t...
BOB NEWHART “This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. T...
CHARLIE BROWN Stand up! Stand up for things that matter.
BRENT M. JONES My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gi...
EDDIE IZZARD Mama is my chance to be a stand-up comedian. In my mind, it's my chance to be Chris Rock.
VICKI LAWRENCE My great crime in the world is blunder I will get into scrapes without intention or any bad motive.
STAND WATIE Poor Andy Nave was killed. He refused to surrender and was shot by Dick Fields. I felt sorry as he u...
STAND WATIE It's important to stand up to all forms of bullying, and it's even more important for those ...
NORMANI KORDEI In reality, everybody in Congress is a stand-in for some kind of lobbyist. In many cases it's di...
MATT TAIBBI It's up to the people ... whether they are going to stand for this or not.
GENERAL WESLEY CLARK Live stand-up is my thing. I love being on stage and just messing around.
JACK WHITEHALL This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The ...
CHARLES M. SCHULZ This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The ...
CHARLES MONROE SCHULZ This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The...
CHARLIE BROWN This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The ...
CHARLIE BROWN It's important to credit the brave people that take chances to stand up to regimes. They're ...
BIZ STONE Stand up and stand out.
JIM GENOVESE A dramatic thing, the first time you stand up to your dad.
LENNY KRAVITZ I can't stand Anne Tyler books, but I gobble them up. It's like Updike - I can't stand h...
CAROLINE THOMPSON Stand-up is kind of like my home base, and doing stand-up in New York is what I like doing most.
JUDAH FRIEDLANDER Part of doing stand-up is to get things off your chest. It's a bit like being in a psychiatrist&...
JACK WHITEHALL To me, bravery is to stand up for what you believe in.
SOPHIE TURNER No marriage can stand up under the strain of incessant association.
JOHNNY WEISSMULLER And if people do like me, I think it's because I'm a stand-up guy.
DAVID DUVAL Stand up for what is just against the unjust.
SUZY KASSEM Stand up for what is right against the wrong.
SUZY KASSEM Stand up for what is fair against the unfair.
SUZY KASSEM Ballet is good, because it makes you stand up tall.
CARINE ROITFELD The Best Day to Stand Up, Show Up and Be Remembered, IS TODAY!
STEVE THOMPSON Nobody's strong enough to stand up under a flood of weak material.
ALAN LADD I'm an improviser. I came up doing improv at the U.C.B. Theater in New York for seven years. Tha...
ROB RIGGLE When a man wants to have an alehouse meltdown, the worst thing you can do is stand in his way
LUKE HAINES Nine g's is good, if the pilot can stand it. We couldn't stand it. Not in the airplanes of W...
ADOLF GALLAND I went from an unemployed actor's life to doing stand-up comedy, and that was fortuitous. It'...
CATHERINE TATE The most important thing is posture: when you get old, it's the way you walk, the way you stand,...
CARINE ROITFELD I've always loved improv. It's my thing.
OSCAR NUNEZ My stand-up act is very clean.
CAROL LEIFER When I started comedy, I was a big Eddie Murphy fan. I thought if you did stand-up, you were suppose...
LIL REL HOWERY Universal Pictures presents the Georgie Jessel Story. Ted Bessell is Georgie Jessel. Ted Bessell lea...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you g...
BRIAN REGAN On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged...
BILL HICKS I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
BILL HICKS Love in all its forms is very difficult ... to express. It changes, obviously. If you’re young, an...
DYLAN MORAN Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm ...
BILL HICKS My first time on TV doing stand-up, I actually did this show in Holland called 'The Comedy Facto...
HANNIBAL BURESS Allah's the Arabic term for God. Stand up for God, fight for God, work for God and do the right ...
MUHAMMAD ALI When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy atta...
SAM KINISON

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MELISSA JENSEN I feel my heart break to see a nation ripped apart by it's own greatest strength - it's dive...
MELISSA ETHERIDGE Humility is the art of appreciating the people in your life, who forgive you your flaws.
MELISSA SZYMANSKI Friendship is the result of two spirits seeing the full truth of each other.
MELISSA SZYMANSKI In the guest star situation on a show, it has a feel of a foreign exchange student - you're worr...
MELISSA RAUCH There could be a room full of toys and all he wants is the candles.
MELISSA HOWELL From about eight years old I was always making things on the sewing machine. Friends would see me ma...
MELISSA GEORGE We had a great time on the floor, though we had a few bobbles. We were so relaxed. By that time, we ...
MELISSA ARMS I think they both are strong contenders especially with what they did this weekend.
MELISSA ARMS I think it was a real advantage having tough judges tonight because we're heading into the states. T...
MELISSA ARMS We're losing a lot of talent.
MELISSA ARMS We had a lot of confidence coming in. I told them to treat it like a championship but to have fun.
MELISSA ARMS Kim couldn't have done that routine better. She had a great week at practice and came in very confid...
MELISSA ARMS Branford is a team that is trying to build. But we had some highlights. We had Alyssa back, and she ...
MELISSA ARMS Heather tried a more difficult first pass on floor. It's a big risk, and it could have a big payoff....
MELISSA ARMS Finally. Finally. She [Strickland] finally broke the barrier. She was sick, and she's finally starti...
MELISSA ARMS I'm very pleased...It's awesome! We weren't expecting anything and we wanted to go out and be proud ...
MELISSA ARMS After graduation I plan on substituting in Jackson Township schools as an elementary school teacher....
MELISSA ALLEN We are in the process of building a church. Hopefully this way we can start out doing good works on ...
MELISSA ALLEN We put a bite of food from every dish onto each plate and when they've gone through the line, their ...
MELISSA ALLEN Last year was huge. It's probably the biggest fundraiser we've ever done for the Family Life Center....
MELISSA ALLEN It's a little bigger this year. I think the teachers are getting more involved and are encouraging t...
MELISSA ALLEN I like the rich colors and the rich idea. It's a very deep idea. It's how nature connects all of us.
MELISSA ALLEN I didn't even know about it until I saw it in the paper.
MELISSA ALLEN It is horrible. Because you have to get here two hours early just to find a place to park.
MELISSA ALLEN Investors should view both the DOJ's and Microsoft's remedy proposals as the two end points in the s...
MELISSA EISENSTAT Our ski schools are filling up, which is the way we track it. From talking to our lodging partners i...
MELISSA ROCK Without conditions is a key phrase that we've been looking for. Without conditions means that our in...
MELISSA FLEMING Freed-Hardeman is one of the top programs in the NAIA. They are well-coached and are a sound, fundam...
MELISSA RINGHAUSEN I'm not going to make estimates, ... These are individuals who perished in a storm, and each one is ...
MELISSA WALKER For months you've referred to me as your hero, But it's easy to be brave when I have you to come hom...
MELISSA GILBERT