This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.