I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'