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RECRUIT, n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.Fresh from the farm or factory or street, His marching, in pursuit or in retreat, Were an impressive martial spectacle Except for two impediments --his feet. --Thompson Johnson


Ambrose Bierce

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RECRUIT, n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.
AMBROSE BIERCE But for a few phrases from his letters and an odd line or two of his verse, the poet walks gagged th...
JOHN UPDIKE Unsubscribe from should-a, would-a, could-a
MICHAEL H. DANSBURY A person who could withstand such dreadful insults from his or her enemies can have the ability to r...
SAAIF ALAM This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Po...
TERRY PRATCHETT Why does a virtuous man take delight in the landscapes? Because the din of the dusty world and the l...
KUO HIS Why does a virtuous man take delight in the landscapes? Because the din of the dusty world and the l...
KUO HIS Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his ...
MATTHEW HENRY God created woman from the side of man. Not from his head to be above him, nor from his feet to be t...
UNKNOWN And so, when a person meets the half that is his very own, whatever his orientation, whether it's to...
PLATO When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can al...
ELIE WIESEL He drank deeply from his orange juice - really drank to savor it so that for a minute or two nothing...
JEFF VANDERMEER When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can ...
ELIE WIESEL When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can al...
ELIE WIESEL CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two i...
AMBROSE BIERCE For anyone is an upstart who rises by his own efforts from his previous position in life to a higher...
ADOLF HITLER Behold the Child among his new-born blisses
A six years' Darling of a pigmy size!
See, where '...
WILLIAM WORDSWORTH It is closing time in the gardens of the West and from now on an artist will be judged only by the r...
CYRIL CONNOLLY ...but doth not the person who expends vast sums in the furniture of his house or the ornaments of h...
HENRY FIELDING It's like starting from scratch. Even two or three months could make a big difference in his health.
CAMILLE RUSSO A pet question in Interview - You hail from which place? Are interviewers going to select the person...
ANUJ SOMANY By philosophy the mind of man comes to itself, and from henceforth rests on itself without foreign a...
JOHANN GOTTLIEB FICHTE An artist who works from impulse creates pathways for his body and emotion; the lines will naturally...
VAL UCHENDU The role of the Christian is to let other people know what Jesus has done, not to think of themselve...
LEWIS N. ROE Naturalistic atheism debunks itself. It has no power to explain even some of the most basic principl...
LEWIS N. ROE It's important to understand that if someone calls themselves a Christian, it does not automatically...
LEWIS N. ROE Girl! I'm here to make you look Fa-Bu-Lous!
FAKE CINNA The first woman was created from the rib of a man. She was not made from his head to top him, nor fr...
CONFUCIUS He is not elevated by good fortune or depressed by bad. His mind is established in God, and he is fr...
BHAGAVAD GITA Maybe a bungee cord or something from his car.
JOHN SHORT Prowling his own quiet backyard or asleep by the fire, he is still only a whisker away from the wild...
JEAN BURDEN Everyone needs a warm personal enemy or two to keep him free from rust in the movable parts of his m...
GENE FOWLER Everyone needs a warm personal enemy or two to keep him free from rust in the movable parts of his m...
GENE FOWLER The best gift of a person is to lift the self-image in his own and others' eyes equally and consiste...
ANUJ SOMANY The best gift of a person is to lift the self-image in his own and others' eyes equally and consiste...
ANUJ SOMANY The Way You Were Made. Girls Were Made By The Guys Rib, Not From His Foot to Be Walked On, Not By Hi...
HALEY MILLER Nowhere can a man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.
MARCUS ANTONIUS Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.
MARCUS AURELIUS You wake up and from where are sure that this which read on the pasport is true?? Are you sure??
DEYTH BANGER A man recovers best from his exceptional nature - his intellectuality - by giving his animal instinc...
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE Lyndon B. Johnson thought he'd have the boys home from Vietnam by Christmas - for four Christmas...
RICK PERLSTEIN A society which allows an abominable event to burgeon from its dung heap and grow on its surface is ...
JEAN BAUDRILLARD The trainer from Palm Beach Lakes noticed a knot or bump on his shoulder and said it should be check...
JOHN WALKER An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred ...
JOSEPH ADDISON An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarre...
JOSEPH ADDISON An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarre...
JOSEPH ADDISON A person always doing his or her best becomes a natural leader, just by example.
JOE DIMAGGIO He was seated on the bench now. He had his left elbow on his knee, his right arm across his lap, his...
JULIET MARILLIER The acorn becomes an oak by means of automatic growth; no commitment is necessary. The kitten simila...
ROLLO MAY Man’s life is a line that nature commands him to describe upon the surface of the earth, without h...
PAUL HENRI THIRY D'HOLBACH His eyes never blinked or wavered from mine, encompassing me in a field of control.
JAZZ FEYLYNN No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT One inmate has a slash wound that goes from his ear all the way over to his mouth. It appears he was...
VERNELL CRITTENDON I read from Mark Twain's lips one or two of his good stories. He has his own way of thinking, saying...
HELEN KELLER A Christian sits in his or her well and thinks that the whole world is his or her well. The Jew sits...
ABHIJIT NASKAR Man takes root at his feet, and at best, he is no more than a potted plant in his house or carriage ...
JOHN BURROUGHS Storm in life can’t break a person or budge from his motive whose mindset & attitude is warm with ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA A person is likely to be better than others if he or she seeks all qualities of his or her character...
ANUJ SOMANY Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
OSCAR WILDE Let a man then know his worth, and keep things under his feet. Let him not peep or steal, or skulk u...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON The atheist might have no proof for the supernatural, but they also have no proof against it. If we ...
LEWIS N. ROE Imagine a soldier who believes killing another human being is wrong, kills his first human being in ...
ROBERT GATELY In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or att...
PHIL DONAHUE A tall officer was able to grab his ankles. He was about one or two steps from getting away.
ALAN WRIGHT The standard of a true leader is that he sets also his own rules than merely and blindly obeys the s...
ANUJ SOMANY A rich poet from Harvard has no sense in his mind, except the aesthetic.
BEATRICE WOOD your best men are
drunks and your worst men are
locking them
up,
your best men a...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI The scientific method gives us information by testing and repeating observable things so that we can...
LEWIS N. ROE When a person says anything with utmost honesty on social media, surprisingly the support from his f...
ANUJ SOMANY When you have deep insights about someone, you are being very matured by trying to help this person ...
SAAIF A;LAM On Gandhi: Don’t ever forget, that we were not lead by a saint with his head in clouds, but by a m...
SHASHI THAROOR No farther seek his merits to disclose, Or draw his frailties from their dread abode (There th...
THOMAS GRAY Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn’t eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE A person lives a false life whenever they are afraid to make contact with his or her authentic self....
KILROY J. OLDSTER Job appreciation;From time to time every worker should learn to appreciate his or her boss for givin...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) John is conservative in his political beliefs. He is somebody, though, who has not defined his life ...
RICHARD LAZARUS The uniform enhanced his athletic body, and my thoughts drifted to how magnificent he would look wit...
MARIA V. SNYDER Todd was neuter, it seemed, except for the near-orgasmic pleasure he took from his formulas. Cono gu...
VICTOR ROBERT LEE A person can't be judged by his words, behavior or looks, He can only be judged by their thoughts.
JAZZ GILL What is nobler than a man wresting and wringing his bread from the stubborn soil by the sweat of his...
WILLIAM MORRIS HUNT [Responding to the Bishop of Oxford, Samuel Wilberforce's question whether he traced his descent ...
THOMAS HENRY HUXLEY [In response to their questions, Keenan told jurors they could not convict Haouari of terrorism cons...
AHMED RESSAM An irony of whole life story is that a person who says or does honestly good for others is not so mu...
ANUJ SOMANY A person speaks about his or her level of COMMON SENSE by showing the depth of reverence towards the...
ANUJ SOMANY Each of us has a natural right, from God, to defend his person, his liberty, and his property.
FREDERIC BASTIAT He was in the military and so was his son. He has seen it from both sides, as a soldier and as a fam...
LISA READING Every man owes a part of his time and money to the business or industry in which he is engaged. No ...
THEODORE ROOSEVELT We cannot measure a person’s value to the human race by tabulating the size of his estate. We must...
KILROY J. OLDSTER Everyone is an ocean inside. Every individual walking the street. Everyone is a universe of thoughts...
KHALED HOSSEINI The yogi should meditate on a firm seat, one that is clean - untainted by dirt or unspiritual vibrat...
PARAMAHANSA YOGANANDA Whether a man lives or dies in vain can be measured only by the way he faces his own problems, by th...
JAMES B. CONANT A hacker doesn't deliberately destroy data or profit from his activities.
KEVIN MITNICK Not from a vain or shallow thought His awful Jove young Phidias brought.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON It's all one to me if a person comes from Prison or Havard. I distribute positivity to people, not h...
LILY CHATTERJEE If a person finds the negative people in his network, then he needs to mind or mend his own nature t...
ANUJ SOMANY A person is either the effect of his environment or is able to have an effect upon his environment.
L. RON HUBBARD A person is either the effect of his environment or is able to have an effect upon his environment.
L. RON HUBBARD Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
OSCAR WILDE Sonny sits by his window and thinks to himself, how it's strange that some rooms are like cages, Son...
PAUL SIMON If by fate anyone means the will or power of God, let him keep his meaning but mend his language: fo...
ST. AUGUSTINE

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE