P.G. Wodehouse quote: "Mike’s statement that he wanted to get up early and have a ride had been received by Psmith, with whom early rising was not a hobby, with honest amazement and a flood of advice and warning on the subject.<br /><br />“One of the Georges,” said Psmith, “I forget which, once said that a certain number of hours’ sleep a day—I cannot recall for the moment how many—made a man something, which for the time being has slipped my memory. However, there you are. I’ve given you the main idea of the thing; and a German doctor says that early rising causes insanity. Still, if you’re bent on it…."

If he had a mind, there was something on it.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it aft...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mi...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when".
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fatt...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasant...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's alwa...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help b...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

...and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wron...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

He was a Frenchman, a melancholy-looking man. His aspect was that of one who has been looking for th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-p...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap re...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

How long Archibald slept he could not have said. He woke some hours later with a vague feeling that ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

No fair-minded girl objects to a certain tinge of jealousy. Kept within proper bounds, it is a compl...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

No sir," said Mr Molloy. "I'm mighty sorry I can't meet you in any way, but the fact is I'm all fixe...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

What ho!" I said.
"What ho!" said Motty.
"What ho! What ho!"
"What ho! What ho! What ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

At a time when she was engaged to Stilton Cheesewright, I remember recording in the archives that sh...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situati...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I've got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a nor...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The true philosopher is a man who says "All right," and goes to sleep in his armchair.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Employers are like horses — they require management.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular mess...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

She looked like something that might have occured to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The principle I always go on in writing a novel is to think of the characters in terms of actors in ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hou...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I flung open the door. I got a momentary flash of about a hundred and fifteen cats of all sizes and ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

If this is Upper Silesia, what on earth must Lower Silesia be like?
P.G. WODEHOUSE

What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

But when I say 'cow', don’t go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It seems to be one of Nature’s laws that the most attractive girls should have the least attractiv...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with,...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

One of the Georges - I forget which - once said that a certain number of hours' sleep each night - I...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

...there was practically one handwriting common to the whole school when it came to writing lines. I...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to reme...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It was a morning when all nature shouted "Fore!" The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterfli...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge t...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

There is nothing an author today has to guard himself more carefully against than the Saga Habit. Th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb tr...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

A certain critic -- for such men, I regret to say, do exist -- made the nasty remark about my last n...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.

'Go to hell!' said Bill.

'Right-...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The ideal adventurer needs... the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'
There is no time, sir, at which ties do no...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literatu...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

He was one of those earnest, persevering dancers--the kind that have taken twelve correspondence les...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The coops were finished. They were not masterpieces, and I have seen chickens pause before them in d...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

All nice girls sketch a little.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn’t eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I went into the kitchen ten minutes back. The cat was sitting on the mat."

Beale's narra...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes."
"He's alwa...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I was in that painful condition which occurs when one has lost one's first wind and has not yet got ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Conversationally, I am like a clockwork toy. I have to be set going.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

There are situations in life which are beyond one. The sensible man realizes this, and slides out of...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Man's inability to get out of bed in the morning is a curious thing. One may reason with oneself cle...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Half a league
Half a league
Half a league onward
With a hey-nonny-nonny
And a ho...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing f...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I said, 'Don't talk rot, Old Tom Travers."
"I am not accustomed to talk rot," he said.
"Th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
P.G. WODEHOUSE

[A]lways get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothin...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

The storm is over, there is sunlight in my heart. I have a glass of wine and sit thinking of what ha...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had cr...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to b...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE

A little bit added to what you've already got gives you a little bit more.
P.G. WODENHOUSE

It was a morning when all nature shouted "Fore!" The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, s...
P.G. WODHOUSE

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thou...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, b...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to l...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge t...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterfli...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Flowers are happy things.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and th...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriora...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with,...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wron...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situati...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in s...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Success comes to a writer, as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

He virtually lives on fish
P. G. WODEHOUSE

The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down to the mezzanine floor.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I li...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.
P. G. WODEHOUSE

"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first,...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
P. G. WODEHOUSE

If I had had to choose between him and a cockroach as a companion for a walking-tour, the cockroach ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress rou...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thou...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE

Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

I always advise people never to give advice.
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up ...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

My only objection to the custom of giving books as Christmas presents is perhaps the selfish one tha...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

Golf...is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge th...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is f...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

Flowers are happy things.
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

It is good rule in life to never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and t...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE

P.G. Wodehouse

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