If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

God created man, but I could do better.