You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.