I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?

Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.

According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?