When your wife asks you for your opinion, she doesn't really want your opinion. She wants her opinion - just in a deeper voice.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Most don't deserve your tears... and the ones that do will never make you cry.

For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.