Alan King quote: "We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke."

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING

My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started givin...
ALAN KING

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn'...
ALAN KING

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't...
ALAN KING

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
ALAN KING

I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of...
ALAN KING

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my...
ALAN KING

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It...
ALAN KING

Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to...
ALAN KING

I can't stay friends with anyone who doesn't have a passion for something; and, generally sp...
ALAN KING

Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, i...
ALAN KING

The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird spe...
ALAN KING

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confiden...
ALAN KING

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't kn...
ALAN KING

We could see a small increase as a result of that.
ALAN KING

Those enrollment figures reinforce the fact that we need to open the new high school as soon as poss...
ALAN KING

We're glad that our bond package provides for growth, ... We certainly are going to need to build ea...
ALAN KING

I think he has a hell of a chance on rain softened ground and he probably represents our best chance...
ALAN KING

It was nice to see Chocolate outriding the Flat jockey.
ALAN KING

Once they make their commitment, they have to stay with that commitment, ... They have to live with ...
ALAN KING

The sense of the group was excitement,
ALAN KING

However, even under the best of circumstances, four-year graduation rates for the next few years wil...
ALAN KING

My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's han...
ALAN KING

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet
ALAN KING

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers
ALAN KING

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better th...
ALAN KING

I don't think it's any secret. We can't continue to do business as we're currently doing it.
ALAN KING

We need to communicate and make it clear,
ALAN KING

There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Rich...
ALAN KING

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so f...
ALAN KING

When I was a kid, I used to send away for those ventriloquist kits on the back of comic books.
ALAN KING

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongsid...
ALAN KING

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
ALAN KING

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? M...
ALAN KING

I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm...
ALAN KING

I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to off...
ALAN KING

Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING

Smoked salmon is for dinner. Belly lox is for breakfast. Don't get that mixed up.
ALAN KING

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KING

Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.
ALAN KING

Selling is simply the transfer of inthusiasm.
ALAN

I think there ought to be some serious discussion by smart people, really smart people, about whethe...
STEPHEN KING

Fiction is the truth inside the lie.
STEPHEN KING

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
KING SOLOMON

And as a writer, one of the things that I've always been interested in doing is actually invadin...
STEPHEN KING

People send me CDs all the time because I love music. It's great. I listen to them in my dressin...
TED KING

I got into music when I was a little boy. My dad was always into jazz. I got my education from him. ...
TED KING

I have tons of jazz records: John Coltrane, Thelonious Monk, Miles Davis. I could go on and on.
TED KING

I collect LPs, but only if they're pretty high quality. I don't go back and dig through the ...
TED KING

Most people don't understand that being in the public eye is emotionally exhausting. It takes a ...
TABITHA KING

Places are extremely important when writing a long story because place shapes a character.
TABITHA KING

In literature, the ghost is almost always a metaphor for the weight of the past. I don't believe...
TABITHA KING

Writing is only the frosting on my cake. I'm whole without it.
TABITHA KING

Writing is always a restorative process. It's like paddling a kayak. When you're writing, yo...
TABITHA KING

Each life makes its own immitation of immortality.
STEPHEN KING

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find th...
STEPHEN KING

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long a...
STEPHEN KING

When asked, 'How do you write?' I invariably answer, 'one word at a time.'
STEPHEN KING

The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there... and still on your fe...
STEPHEN KING

Let's face it. No kid in high school feels as though they fit in.
STEPHEN KING

We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.
STEPHEN KING

People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small ...
STEPHEN KING

I consider myself lucky that Sheila Johnson, the cofounder of Black Entertainment Television, didn&#...
GAYLE KING

I definitely associate music with color. For example, my first record has a red cover but it is tota...
KAKI KING

Having been on tour in countries that are extremely eco-friendly, we automatically end up doing the ...
KAKI KING

I've followed the lives of great musicians and have learned that you don't have to always wr...
KAKI KING

I write almost every single part of my songs, even the actual drum parts sometimes, whether they be ...
KAKI KING

I get why people want to come see me play guitar, but I still don't understand why people want t...
KAKI KING

I don't remember a time that I didn't know how to play the guitar.
KAKI KING

I have to say, I do love the Ovation guitars. If I had one guitar to play, it would be that one, and...
KAKI KING

The one thing I've always done, because I like the sound of my guitar from where I sit - meaning...
KAKI KING

I had to be reminded that the guitar is infinite. It never stops teaching you, it never stops being ...
KAKI KING

I see people who work on their look and they work on their poster and their website and you know, th...
KAKI KING

I try not to punish the audience by making them listen to too much acoustic guitar.
KAKI KING

Opening acts are hard, really hard. There's more politics involved than music, sometimes.
KAKI KING

I am quite short, but that never comes across when I'm onstage in front of people. When I get of...
KAKI KING

There are a lot of places that I know extremely well. Like, if I were to visit Sydney, Australia, I&...
KAKI KING

Tunings are wonderfully inspiring, and it helps you to write music. If I'm stuck, you know, I ch...
KAKI KING

We don't really have a place in the universe, as far as on a timeline. But nothing else does, ei...
KAKI KING

You get to a point where the kind of beautiful chaos can't really fuel your creative existence a...
KAKI KING

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
KING SOLOMON

Yes, guns are to men what jewelry is to women!
STEVE KING

Hypocrisy is the mother of all evil and racial prejudice is still her favourite child.
DON KING

If I'm ever feeling uninspired, all I have to do is go see Exodus or Arch Enemy, and think '...
KERRY KING

Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.
STEPHEN KING

Get busy living, or get busy dying.
STEPHEN KING

Basically, what it comes down to is I love what I do. I don't do it for fame. I don't do it ...
LARRY KING

My father died when I was nine and a half. We were on relief for two years. They call it welfare now...
LARRY KING

People would pay money to work at CNN.
LARRY KING

I have lifelong friends. My oldest friend, Herbie, has been a friend since I was 9. I've had bon...
LARRY KING

I don't know what a softball question is. All I know is I have no agenda. I ask short questions,...
LARRY KING

I never think of access or good will. I just want a good interview. I want guests to be informative ...
LARRY KING

If I do something caring for a friend, I have no doubt in my mind they would do it for me.
LARRY KING

When I was 5 years old I would lie in bed, look at the radio, and I wanted to be on the radio. I don...
LARRY KING

I've taken my boys to the house I grew up in. Taken them to the site of Ebbets Field, where the ...
LARRY KING

I don't wish anybody ill, I really don't. I've got a lot of faults, but I was never jeal...
LARRY KING

I like getting to the meat of things. You can't get it in a five-minute interview. I like to hon...
LARRY KING

I'm sort of the comic relief after a hard day at work. My message is that it's OK to relax.
LARRY KING

Good writers are in the business of leaving signposts saying, Tour my world, see and feel it through...
LARRY KING

I'm from Brooklyn. In Brooklyn, if you say, 'I'm dangerous', you'd better be dan...
LARRY KING

You gotta ask 'why' questions. 'Why did you do this?' A 'why' question you c...
LARRY KING

Communications is the number one major in America today. CNN had 25,000 applicants for five intern j...
LARRY KING

I just love asking questions. I love people. It's in my DNA. I'm cursed - and blessed.
LARRY KING

I'm the worst person to be stuck with in a traffic jam.
LARRY KING

Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves.
LARRY KING

The names are bigger, the show is worldwide, but I get a royal pass into life in the broadcasting bu...
LARRY KING

I've made a lot of mistakes. I've bonded with some people who use you, and some people that ...
LARRY KING

It's joyful to give. But for people who want to take advantage of you, you're kind of an eas...
LARRY KING

I'm 80 years old, and I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up.
LARRY KING

The devil's voice is sweet to hear.
STEPHEN KING

I realize I will always be the poster child for police brutality, but I can try to use that as a pos...
RODNEY KING

I followed a guy to Denmark. I came home with a broken heart.
ELLE KING

Start with God - the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at s...
KING SOLOMON

I fantasized being a broadcaster.
LARRY KING

I'm a person who is always trying to write in a different vein.
EARL KING

I'm a writer, so whatever gymnastics jump through my head, I write about it.
EARL KING

Most people say, 'Well, Earl, you sing the blues,' or however they want to categorize it. I ...
EARL KING

If everything gets too serious for me on the album, I get kinda bored. I've got to have some kin...
EARL KING

I like to write a lot of satire.
EARL KING

I'll always remember when I bumped into Good Morning America's Robin Roberts on a flight to ...
GAYLE KING

If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump his behind every time he hopped.
DON KING

I've always been really athletic, which really helped, because when I first started doing the tr...
JAIME KING

In Hollywood, the cameraman lights the star. In Europe, he lights the set.
KING VIDOR

secrets are a problem, maybe the biggest problem of all. They weigh on the mind and take up space in...
STEPHEN KING

Wanting to know things and do things is what the human race is all about. Exploration, Gwendy! Both ...
STEPHEN KING

My career is one of people involvement. I'm a promoter of the people, by the people, for the peo...
DON KING

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism wit...
FLORENCE KING

Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalme...
FLORENCE KING

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.
FLORENCE KING

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning...
FLORENCE KING

To achieve the very pinnacle of good taste, the neoclassicists wrote their plays entirely in alexand...
FLORENCE KING

Writers, not psychiatrists, are the true interpreters of the human mind and heart, and we have been ...
FLORENCE KING

Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Western world known as the American mind.
FLORENCE KING

He travels fastest who travels alone, and that goes double for she. Real feminism is spinsterhood.
FLORENCE KING

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right...
FLORENCE KING

True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories.
FLORENCE KING

We're often blinded by romance; we decide to not see things we don't want to see, and put up...
GEORGIA KING

Sometimes you have to listen to a CD over and over before you really get it, but as soon as I heard ...
GAYLE KING

Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves.
LARRY KING

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot...re...
STEPHEN KING

Western civilization is the most successful civilization the world has ever seen. And some of the re...
STEVE KING

And when there are enough outsiders together in one place, a mystic osmosis takes place and you're i...
STEPHEN KING

Nobody likes to see a stupid guy wise up.
STEPHEN KING

We should face reality and our past mistakes in an honest, adult way. Boasting of glory does not mak...
KING HUSSEIN

Maman told me that every time you smile, a very tiny bit of the smile stays stuck to your face, so a...
CLAIRE KING

He was a clot looking for a place to happen, a splinter of bone hunting a soft organ to puncture, a ...
STEPHEN KING

After the 9/11 apocalypse happened in New York City, people, particularly New Yorkers, who breathed ...
STEPHEN KING

(on love) It's the only thing which allows men and women to stand in a world where gravity always se...
STEPHEN KING

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them that I have the...
STEPHEN KING

I normally don't love green juices, but Body & Eden makes theirs tasty by blending ingredien...
GAYLE KING

Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: p...
FLORENCE KING

When a man has died, he wants you to know about it.
STEPHEN KING

His was the face you could never quite see, his the hands which dealt all the spades from a dead dec...
STEPHEN KING

Families composed of rugged individualists have to do things obliquely.
FLORENCE KING

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you. -B.B. King.
B.B. KING

The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them
STEPHEN KING

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade! Words to live by, especially when you kept in mind t...
STEPHEN KING

Today I am in control because I want to be. I have my fingers on the switch, but have lived a lifeti...
A.S. KING

Books are a uniquely portable magic.
STEPHEN KING

It was the kiss by which all the others of his life would be judged and found wanting.
STEPHEN KING

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and ye...
STEPHEN KING

Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the e...
STEPHEN KING

We want a president who is as much like an American tourist as possible. Someone with the same goofy...
FLORENCE KING

Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. … The real difference is that...
STEPHEN KING

Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they d...
STEPHEN KING

The scariest moment is always just before you start.
STEPHEN KING

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because wo...
STEPHEN KING

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
STEPHEN KING

If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.
STEPHEN KING

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too swe...
STEPHEN KING

[Prison Break is] one of the craziest, most unpredictable roller-coaster rides on TV today.
STEPHEN KING

It’s hard to let go. Even when what you’re holding onto is full of thorns, it’s hard to let go...
STEPHEN KING

A tragedy is a tragedy, and at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid. Give me a choice and I'll take ...
STEPHEN KING

And people who don’t dream, who don’t have any kind of imaginative life, they must… they must ...
STEPHEN KING

Writers remember everything...especially the hurts. Strip a writer to the buff, point to the scars, ...
STEPHEN KING

As I drive home, I picture other signs- one for everyone who has a secret. Bill Corso's would say, I...
A.S. KING

As I load my shirt into the washer for the night, I daydream about making a sign and hanging it arou...
A.S. KING

I see it as symbolic. The label no longer fits. His emotional parsimoniousness just got sucked away ...
A.S. KING

you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.
STEPHEN KING

There are books full of great writing that don't have very good stories. Read sometimes for the stor...
STEPHEN KING

You said 'God is cruel' the way a person who's lived his whole life on Tahiti might say 'Snow is col...
STEPHEN KING

Tak is here now, and he speaks with the voice of the older age; with the voice of the unformed.
STEPHEN KING

You have the right to remain silent,' the big cop said in his robot's voice. 'If you do not choose t...
STEPHEN KING

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
STEPHEN KING

Description begins in the writer’s imagination, but should finish in the reader’s.
STEPHEN KING

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.
STEPHEN KING

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12 - Jesus, did you?
STEPHEN KING

Friends don’t spy; true friendship is about privacy, too.
STEPHEN KING

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eightie...
FLORENCE KING

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right...
FLORENCE KING

Hurt's a reason to change, but all the hurt in the world don't change facts.
STEPHEN KING

Those colorful denizens of male despair, the Bowery bum and the rail-riding hobo, have been replaced...
FLORENCE KING

Please, we can get along here.
RODNEY KING

In its purest sense, nicknaming is an elitist ritual practiced by those who cherish hierarchy. For p...
FLORENCE KING

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute th...
FLORENCE KING

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

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Alan King

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

Alan King

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