FastSaying

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.


Steven Wright

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My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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HARZEL TYUS I love my baby more than anything. He's like a Gerber baby. He's the cutest baby in the whol...
BRISTOL PALIN I have a friend who lives in Minnesota, ... Through the videophone, I can see my friend as well as h...
MARIE WILSON I have a friend who lives in Minnesota, ... Through the videophone, I can see my friend as well as h...
MARIE WILSON You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an i...
ELLEN DEGENERES No man should travel until he has learned the language of the country he visits. Otherwise he volunt...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON No man should travel until he has learned the language of the country he visits. Otherwise he volunt...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON I said, 'Where's the baby?' He wouldn't answer me. I went in my room, which has a crib, picked him u...
TARYN THOMPSON He's braggin about his new Jordan'sThe baby just ran out of milkHe's buyin gold every two weeksThe b...
TUPAC SHAKUR I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly tol...
DENIS LEARY He's my baby. So we have to give him a name.
BRITTANY HARDY No-one can replace Richard Wright - he was my musical partner and my friend.
DAVID GILMOUR They should lock him up and not let him out. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous my husband has to take c...
ERIKA CRUZ 'Please, Lord, save my baby, save baby.' That was all I could do.
JAN SHOPE He's taking care of the baby, changing diapers - Mr. Mom, so to speak. The baby already misses him.
PAUL BRENNER 'Tis love that makes the world go round, my baby
CHARLES DICKENS Sometimes writing a novel is not unlike having a baby. You'd have to ask a female novelist to co...
SALMAN RUSHDIE I went up a couple of days before he got in, and I said, 'My baby is bored,' so they gave him work t...
MARGARET COX I don't know why they say "you have a baby." The baby has you.
LIAM GALLAGHER They shot him with the baby in the car. I can't believe this ... She is just a baby.
JOSE LOPES I just want my baby back. There's no other words that I really can say ... I want my baby back.
KANEKA KIDD What I noticed, from day one, was after I became friends with Judy, she drank all day. The baby was ...
CHRISTINA STEVENS 'Tis love that makes the world go round, my baby.
CHARLES DICKENS He was so good with the kids on the set. He just knew exactly how to handle them. The baby would cry...
BRITTANY SNOW If your baby has a toothache, you don't shoot the baby.
TOM SMART I was more like a middle child. My youngest brother was the baby, so he got all the attention that t...
JOHN C. REILLY A man is not complete until he has seen the baby he has made.
SAMMY DAVIS, JR. It was devastating to see my baby laying there on that table and I just talked to him just last nigh...
DELBERT WILLIAMS I just want my baby again. That there are no other words I can say except that I want my baby back.
KANEKA KIDD Sweet weeping baby Jesus he has a six-pack to beat all six-packs!
P.C. CAST What was my baby thinking when he was down on the ground and they were doing those things to him? Wa...
GINA JONES That's my daughter's baby pictures and my son's baby pictures. They're all ruined and mildewed.
DONA STEPHENS I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS I got the baby and I put him in my arms and he was just lifeless. The only thing he kept saying was ...
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RAY NAGIN This group has meant the world to me since my son was born. When you first have a baby with Down Syn...
AMY WEBB All that baby stuff kind of went out of him and he became an adult.
DAN CRONIN That was my baby. The hardest thing I ever did was let him go.
CINDY BURNS People can be cruel,' he says with a sympathetic look that makes me trust him even more. And right t...
MATTHEW QUICK A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES Little Johnny's new baby brother was crying and screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd bab...
UNKNOWN A woman ran out of the water screaming, my baby, my baby. Everybody got scared.
HENRY NUNEZ I am so ready to be a Mommy. I can't wait! I notice every little baby dress, every little baby toy, ...
HALLE BERRY First thing I heard this morning was, 'Oh, my baby. My baby, she's under the school bus.
BRIAN MORRIS The piano has been my friend all my life; it has always comforted me. Writing songs and sitting down...
EL DEBARGE I don't know how the baby got there, but my brother was there so I told him to grab the girls and ke...
GABRIEL VIVAS There was a baby that I saw behind the plane. I don't know how the baby got there, but he was fine.
GABRIEL VIVAS I prayed often for deliverance from the pain caused by my decision to abort my baby. I suffered the ...
ALVEDA KING I got a hundred bucks says my baby beats Pete's baby. I just think genetics are in my favour.
ANDRE AGASSI We're drinking my friend, To the end of a brief episode, Make it one for my baby, And one more for t...
JOHNNY MERCER I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that. I need to ask him about it.
JEFF GORDON I was in a daze, ... With my baby and $2 in my pocket, I walked and walked the streets. I didn't kno...
JON MOORE A game one of my sisters will play with me in my first year of being alive is called Good Baby, Bad ...
ALI SMITH We had to go all through the night thinking that our baby was dead. When God showed him to us, he wa...
BARBARA MANDRELL I will sell all other things before JYSK. That's my baby, and you don't sell your baby.
LARS LARSEN No one knows for sure if you can inherit a stammer, and so I worry that my baby might. It's why ...
GARETH GATES He's soft. He's a baby out there. I have to do everything for him. He needs to get going so I don't ...
COREY MCKEON I think what makes our marriage work amid all the glare is that my husband is my best friend. He ins...
FAITH HILL We thought it was a one-time thing.
BABY DOE Three or four of us didn't have any talent, and we felt really stupid.
BABY DOE It doesn't matter what size or shape you are. Burlesque is about feeling positive about who you are,...
BABY DOE All of us grew up in the punk rock era, when you had to be super-cool. We're sick of that. We want t...
BABY DOE People love burlesque today because it incorporates all the old-school glamour, satire and highlight...
BABY DOE I was all done. I was so aggravated by what we saw last year, I said that's it, we're not going back...
CHRIS BABY TaskRabbit is really my first baby. So balancing the second child is something I've tackled, but...
LEAH BUSQUE I do not believe having a baby is punishment.
ALLEN WEST There came this point where I sat down with all my notebooks and I had to start to write, when I tho...
DAVID SIMON [Due later this month, Britney Spears' bouncing baby boy (supposedly, that's what she's expecting) w...
DONATELLA VERSACE Every highlight they show is him smacking the crap out of the quarterback. So then I put my baby dow...
JEFF GRIMES He helped my baby. For this, I said, he should live. And he did.
ALEXANDER BUNEGIN Eric was our baby and he was our baby.
ANNE REEVES Baby bye Here's a fly, Let us watch him, you and I, How he crawls Up the walls ...
THEODORE TILTON It's my little baby, ... I worked so hard for that car.
LINDA LEWIS A friend of my father's bet him a dollar that he wouldn't ask (my mother) out, and he did.
BEN SHELTON I got a hundred bucks says my baby beats Pete's baby. I just think genetics are in my favour.
ANDRE AGASSI Her baby and my baby will be playmates.
CARMEN PACK I once saw a woman who had a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit years ago. She said, 'I still ...
KIT MONTZ Rock-bye-baby on the tree top, When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough bends ...
BIBLE The clarinet has always been my baby. I just didn't know that for a while.
ANAT COHEN When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right? Like this?" He made a fist. "Why? B...
MITCH ALBOM My friend told me later he got the chicken pox. I told him I caught politics and never got over it.
JACK JOHNSON I can't stop staring at my beautiful new baby.
ABBEY CLANCY He was a very sincere, loving person and had a great future ahead of him. He was finally settling do...
DOUG BOWERS My mother? My own mother told my lady governess that if the baby and I were in danger then they shou...
PHILIPPA GREGORY My new favourite smell is new baby smell. It makes me so happy. If someone could bottle that, I'...
JANE KRAKOWSKI He is Lyn's baby. She's been giving him his pills, and she made him a little bed so he'll be comfort...
CINDY HAMBORSKY Meeting Oprah Winfrey, I cried like a baby. Meeting Steven Spielberg, I cried like a baby. Meeting D...
OCTAVIA SPENCER One baby is a patient baby, and waits indefinitely until its mother is ready to feed it. The other b...
EMMELINE PANKHURST I was inside on the computer and ... all I heard was, 'Somebody stole my baby!'
ELIZABETH MORGAN I feel sorry for little babies... When a little baby is born into this cold world, he's confused! He...
CHARLES M. SCHULZ I wanted a baby horse, and I found out about the foundation through a friend who got a horse that wa...
MADDY BEGONIA He didn't have to do what he did. He is just an all-American guy. My number one reason for nominatin...
JAMES EDWARDS To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who had a premature baby.
KAREN MOY I wanted to get married so I could leave my house and not have to baby-sit my brothers and sisters. ...
BEVERLY BOWMAN He was a wreck. ... He had taken care of the baby all night long. He was brave.
CINDY JOHNSON When I met Genet I could not conceive of him as the author of his plays. He looks like a terrified b...
JAN KOTT As many of you are aware, I had been anxiously awaiting the addition of a new baby to my life. The b...
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STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT