I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Kinda jealous of Felicia, that chick is always going somewhere.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?