Mike Birbiglia quote: "It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. I'll have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I don't write back."

I was completely unqualified to get into Harvard. But then I went to my interview for Harvard, and t...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I love Broadway shows.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

If I dream that I'm directing, it's not a film, it's like a commercial for cotton candy,...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I was very much a late bloomer. That's not to say that girls didn't express interest in me f...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

One of my favourite movies is 'Annie Hall' because it's about the silver lining of the b...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I'm unable to do the thing that Broadway actors do in plays, sometimes for years. The same exact...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Directing your first film is like showing up to the field trip in seventh grade, getting on the bus,...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I think your tendency when you play yourself is to accentuate something about you that you think is ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fe...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Louis C.K. directs his show, which is very much like a series of short films.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I feel like everyone wants to make a movie that they feel passionate about watching.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Pain is funnier than love.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're n...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

With a monologue, you can be unendingly elliptical.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I was a screenwriting major at Georgetown, and I was in class with some really strong writers like J...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I'd much rather try and fail than talk about trying.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jo...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Growing up, I was discouraged from telling personal stories. My dad often used the phrase 'Don&#...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Starbucks is the last public space with chairs. It's a shower for homeless people. And it's ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Sometimes I'll go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of groceries as though I knew how to cook...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

My first car was, as depicted in 'Sleepwalk with Me,' my mother's '92 Volvo station ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people,...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I would say that I love pizza so much that sometimes I eat pizza while I'm eating pizza. Like, I...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Directing a movie is a little bit like being back in student government and putting on the homecomin...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

What I always studied in screenwriting from my mentor John Glavin was that the most interesting char...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I just don't give off a great first impression.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

You don't really see sleepwalking in films that often. It's weird; I feel like in popular cu...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Backup dancers are completely respectable. They're the studio musicians of dance.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I would be so mad if I saw something called a memoir, and then it was Mike Birbiglia. It would be so...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I'm generally so disoriented during the week about what I'm doing and where I am - I travel ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

As a comedian, you want people to like you. That's part of why you're there in the first pla...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

You have to be delusional to be a comedian.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I got out of school in 2000, and I always wanted to be on 'This American Life,' since I firs...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

People are making better and better small budge independent films these days.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

When I was in college, I wanted to write for 'Late Night With Conan O'Brien,' and I was ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I just like, when you look at people who have long careers in film, they're able to make films t...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyf...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Over the years, I managed to develop this comedy career, went from opening act to headliner at comed...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

Ultimately, jokes are this really special thing that we can all share. It's exciting to have bas...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

It's a difficult line to tread, where sometimes you go to the movies or you watch someone do pub...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I majored in screenwriting and playwriting in school - and wanted to make films as a career. But whe...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

In terms of comedy, there was a Seinfeldian era of comedy that I love but got played out. Seinfeld w...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

When I was starting out, I thought I would go into comedy and there would be a mentor, like the Phil...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

There's something about small venues that's amazing for developing material. It's almost...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

I was raised Catholic, and then I kind of wandered away somewhere in high-school. I never got confir...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

'Terminator 2' is so good. I love it.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

The moment I walk into a room, I have kind of like the Terminator's tracking system for where th...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

It's interesting how sleepwalking in a certain way becomes an accumulation of your outside stimu...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

It used to be that if you got on 'The Tonight Show,' your career was made. Now, if you'r...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA

At the time that they were shown, the Brillo Boxes were underappreciated. It's only now, with th...
MIKE BIDLO

Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn't kill.
MIKE PENCE

If you try to do your best there is no failure.
MIKE FARRELL

A flower doesn't love you or hate you, it just exists.
MIKE WHITE

We are ramping up security in the United States but also looking at visa applicants, visa waiver app...
MIKE MCCAUL

For a dude, I think I do cook. I'm a stay-at-home parent a lot of the time.
MIKE D

Lofts are great. But with a home, there is a lot to be said for delineated space. To have the luxury...
MIKE D

We never set out to be superstars.
MIKE D

When you start rhyming, it's hard to find things that rhyme with Yauch, Horovitz and Diamond.
MIKE D

We're doing what we want to do, and that's why the kids respect us.
MIKE D

We are exercising our constitutional right to be fresh.
MIKE D

L.A. is a town built upon segregated, individual fantasies.
MIKE D

Each time you present a tour, you're faced with these questions of, 'How do you want to pres...
MIKE D

Maybe some people, when they sit down to write their great novel or make their great record or paint...
MIKE D

Wine needs to have a context in a social gathering to fulfill its historical place in this world.
MIKE D

I'm always careful to even guess, at any juncture, about things before we do them.
MIKE D

I feel no compunction to defend L.A. People criticize it, and for the most part, it's well-found...
MIKE D

In the time we made 'To the 5 Boroughs,' there was a political seriousness because of what w...
MIKE D

That's the thing with all of us music geeks - music is the soundtrack to the things that happen ...
MIKE D

We have rocked the ozone radically, man. They could probably fix the ozone if everybody stopped what...
MIKE D

I was showing up at the studio all the time with no bag, being like, 'I don't want to have a...
MIKE D

Having to wake up at seven and go take the subway every morning, having to get over there with all t...
MIKE D

I'm in need of a man apron. A very manly apron.
MIKE D

Thinking about the cold weather in England... Don't be afraid to rock the David Niven look.
MIKE D

Things change. I used to have a real resistance to it and hold on to things, but let things happen a...
MIKE D

Wine is similar to music in that it's a purely experiential realm, and it's a purely subject...
MIKE D

I don't think about Yauch in the form of his death. I think about him in the form of his life. H...
MIKE D

I was a nerdy punk-rock kid.
MIKE D

Real life is much stranger than fiction, man.
MIKE D

Rebellion has its roots in government's indifference and incompetence.
MIKE BARNICLE

My dad's gay experiences really had a very positive influence on me and my straight relationship...
MIKE MILLS

If Planned Parenthood wants to be involved in providing counseling services and HIV testing, they ou...
MIKE PENCE

One day before I die, I will finally understand why liberals, especially Jewish liberals, fail to fu...
MIKE GALLAGHER

Protection of religious freedom means considering the faiths and beliefs of everyone involved.
MIKE QUIGLEY

The drug dealers, they sympathize with me. They see me as some sort of pathetic character.
MIKE TYSON

I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially a black woman.
MIKE TYSON

I'm the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don't believe it, check the cash...
MIKE TYSON

I think I'll take a bath in his blood.
MIKE TYSON

I've lived places these guys can't defecate in.
MIKE TYSON

I'm not Mother Teresa, but I'm not Charles Manson, either.
MIKE TYSON

Greatness is not guarding yourself from the people; greatness is being accepted by the people.
MIKE TYSON

Some people try to get you out of slavery for you to be their slave.
MIKE TYSON

When you see me smash somebody's skull, you enjoy it.
MIKE TYSON

That equals to being a fool, having fame and no fortune. A lot of guys out there have fame doing thi...
MIKE TYSON

Real freedom is having nothing. I was freer when I didn't have a cent.
MIKE TYSON

I don't try to intimidate anybody before a fight. That's nonsense. I intimidate people by hi...
MIKE TYSON

You come home, and you party. But after that, you get a hangover. Everything about that is negative.
MIKE TYSON

I don't understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don't bother no one.
MIKE TYSON

God lets everything happen for a reason. It's all a learning process, and you have to go from on...
MIKE TYSON

Everybody's got plans... until they get hit.
MIKE TYSON

As long as we persevere and endure, we can get anything we want.
MIKE TYSON

My biggest weakness is my sensitivity. I am too sensitive a person.
MIKE TYSON

When I fight someone, I want to break his will. I want to take his manhood. I want to rip out his he...
MIKE TYSON

If I went by all the rejection I've had in my career, I should have given up a long time ago.
MIKE MYERS

As would-be songwriters, our interest was in black music and black music only. We wanted to write so...
MIKE STOLLER

For most of the '90s and the first part of this decade, content providers who wanted to publish ...
MIKE DAVIDSON

We found a way to make things look great to the human eye through the window of a graphical web brow...
MIKE DAVIDSON

I'm the chairman of the intelligence committee. We don't only get formal briefings, but we c...
MIKE ROGERS

I have a little pocket Bible that I have with me all the time in my briefcase, and so usually in the...
MIKE HUCKABEE

You can have the best technology, but you if have a corrupted, radicalized, bribed official that has...
MIKE MCCAUL

You can have the best technology, but if you have an inside job of a worker that has access to the p...
MIKE MCCAUL

Risk is the factor of a stratagem measured by what man is powerless to control.
MIKE NORTON

The true measure of a man is not what he dreams, but what he aspires to be; a dream is nothing witho...
MIKE NORTON

By sabotaging logic, the common frame of reference, and the common language, we have removed a "safe...
MIKE KLEPPER

The reason that most British actors are better than most American actors in the end is that they don...
MIKE NICHOLS

We're thrilled to expand our relationship, knowing that with the great team at the Music Group, ...
MIKE CURB

In making the jump from a local program to the showcase of a coast-to-coast broadcast, Ted Yates and...
MIKE WALLACE

In my home state of Indiana, we prove every day that you can build a growing economy on balanced bud...
MIKE PENCE

Budgets are moral documents. Federal funding should reflect the priorities and the values of the maj...
MIKE PENCE

I'm still very bullish on emerging markets. There's an emerging middle class. They're a ...
MIKE DUKE

Legal and bureaucratic impediments to surveillance should be removed.
MIKE POMPEO

To the degree that we can demonstrate support for the Ukrainian government, we can change Putin'...
MIKE POMPEO

Honest to goodness, Brian Campbell, he was holding the Cup, and there was no one around for a minute...
MIKE QUIGLEY

Negative campaigning is wrong.
MIKE PENCE

I think you need a really strong businessperson running the state, a person who's used to turnin...
MIKE CURB

There's no doubt West Point impacted who I am... It has an enormous emphasis, not only on milita...
MIKE POMPEO

A great thing is happening on cable TV. You see characters change in stories over years, like in Tol...
MIKE NICHOLS

Beauty and the Beast seemed like it all was really brown. The whole thing was just so brown and oran...
MIKE JUDGE

Well, I think the reality is that as you study - when President Kennedy cut marginal tax rates, when...
MIKE PENCE

Remember, the Boston bombers were Chechen rebels.
MIKE MCCAUL

If a natural disaster like a flock of birds or a bolt of lightning causes a plane's engines to f...
MIKE GALLAGHER

Cardinal Raymond Burke is a 66-year-old guy who lives in Rome, dresses like Queen Elizabeth, and tal...
MIKE BARNICLE

Justin Timberlake is the single most talented human being I've ever met in my life, and it sicke...
MIKE MYERS

Money, the root of all evil...but the cure for all sadness.
MIKE GILL

I've loved traveling around the country and meeting people at book signings.
MIKE GALLAGHER

I think I make films to help bolster and feed the part of me that wants to remain in a positive rela...
MIKE MILLS

Boldness isn't something you're born with; you either choose it or you don't.
MIKE YACONELLI

Denver and Boulder are good record-buying cities. I don't know why.
MIKE D

The real acts of a real devil you know have been made acceptable by the fictitious actions of a none...
MIKE KLEPPER

Yahweh: You've been unhappy because you've desired things that cannot be.

Lucif...
MIKE CAREY

It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. I'll have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I don't write back.

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Mike Birbiglia

It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. I'll have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I don't write back.

Mike Birbiglia

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