If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'

Money doesn't make happiness, it buys it already made.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.'

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.