I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . .

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you," to dessert that night. And for what!

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.