Griffin, my brother, 11 months younger, was sometimes the victim of my father's fury - once Ryan famously knocked out his teeth.

Ryan is my bridge to the past, to memories that lose some of their sting when he recounts them.

I remained Ryan's companion on the Hollywood party circuit, growing inured to sex and drugs before I was in my teens.

The more love I craved, the more distant and abusive he grew. The role I longed to play was never written into Ryan's script: daughter.

As Peter Bogdanovich would say of Paper Moon: Ryan's wonderful in it, and he sat there and watched the kid steal the picture.

I was punished for blowing the whistle on my father's lifestyle.