I remained Ryan's companion on the Hollywood party circuit, growing inured to sex and drugs before I was in my teens.

I've purged myself of bitterness and anger and remained open to love.

Ryan is my bridge to the past, to memories that lose some of their sting when he recounts them.

The more love I craved, the more distant and abusive he grew. The role I longed to play was never written into Ryan's script: daughter.

Griffin, my brother, 11 months younger, was sometimes the victim of my father's fury - once Ryan famously knocked out his teeth.

As Peter Bogdanovich would say of Paper Moon: Ryan's wonderful in it, and he sat there and watched the kid steal the picture.