At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.