FastSaying

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.


Steven Alexander Wright

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

When it comes to what you really want in life. Dont take no for an answer. Take no for a question an...
BERNARD KELVIN CLIVE When Steven Spielberg comes calling, it behooves you to seriously consider it.
STEPHEN LANG I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS People become more ignorant when it comes to religion.
DANIEL MELGAçO A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES People will talk down on you to build themselves up,People will point the fingers at your past as if...
TANICA S HALL I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA Oh really? Would that be like Steven Glass in the New Republic? ... Lots of print reporters have fab...
TOM REGAN When the devil comes knocking on your door simply say "Jesus, it's for you.
ROBIN JONES GUNN The first game was interesting. We had a four-run lead and squandered it, but Daly puts up zeros, De...
MIKE TRAPASSO A story can be new and yet tell about olden times. The past comes into existence with the story.
MICHAEL ENDE When Steven Spielberg comes to you and says, 'Hey do you want to write a movie about robots?'...
DREW GODDARD Dont GiVe UP iF U StIll WaNna TrY*
DonT WIpE YOUR TeARS IF YOU StiLL WANT TO Cry
 DON'T SET...
TRENT REZNOR That was particularly disappointing. You couldn't get a nicer person than Keith Wright but the time ...
GORDON MCDOUGALL I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on telev...
DEMETRI MARTIN You might as well answer the door, my child,
the truth is furiously knocking.
LUCILLE CLIFTON Well, to tell you the straight honest truth, it was like a Grateful Dead cover band. I didn't fe...
BILL KREUTZMANN Now answer me, sincerely, honestly, who lives past forty? I'll tell you who does: fools and scoundre...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY When everythng is dark around you,dont you ever open the light cause you will get shocked just wait ...
OMAR ASHRAF EZZELDIN Don't be surprised when Death comes knocking. Be surprised when he goes away empty handed.
ANTHONY T. HINCKS When it comes to the past, everyone writes fiction.
STEPHEN KING In the early work of Frank Lloyd Wright - and you can also see it with Mies - they make new ground b...
BEN VAN BERKEL Nothing gets easy. It is just that you understand how it is and how it works. Nothing its difficult ...
DE PHILOSOPHER DJ KYOS With his two hands he props up his jaw. He passes without a word. Perhaps he does not see me. One of...
SAMUEL BECKETT You should be true to the person you were.  Dont try to apply the person you are now to the past.
TRIPP MILLICAN Secrecy has many advantages, for when you tell someone the purpose of any object right away, they of...
JOHANN VON GOETHE Secrecy has many advantages, for when you tell someone the purpose of any object right away, they of...
JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE It seems like when you want someone they dont want you. When someone wants you, you don't want them....
OMAR ASHRAF EZZELDIN I don't know, Alexander, sometimes it gets so bad you can't think of nothing better to do than make ...
ALEXANDER MASTERS Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ...
WILL ROGERS But when it comes time to play, you have to be ready. Those (banners) are things from the past.
BLAKE AHEARN Let me tell you something: when you dance, you are the greatest dancer who has ever lived. And when ...
EMMA FORREST I've been knocking on the door for the past five years and finally doing it in this one moment means...
ADAM NELSON It is time. Anybody who is retired can tell you that it's nice when you can relax and don't have to ...
MATT SENFFNER I think theatre to some extent is always about telling stories, isn't it, and I think what I'...
EVE ENSLER There is nothing in the world, I tell you, so maddening as a person who doesn't answer when you abus...
SHOLEM ALEICHEM i dont like when people say you know when they are in the middle of telling you something to me it g...
DALLY SALAD We're doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That's what it is to be alive. It's pretty dense kid...
KURT VONNEGUT Every people has a past, but the dignity of a history comes when a community of scholars devotes its...
SONIA SOTOMAYOR It just comes down to old-fashioned detective work. It's knocking on doors--asking questions.
RON PALEFSKY With out passion you dont have energy, with out energy you have nothing.
DONALD TRUMP I think frankly when it comes to chaos you ain't seen nothing yet.
NIGEL FARAGE Timeless comes to mind. When you listen to it, you can't tell what year the thing was made. And you ...
JASON MRAZ The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa...
DEMETRI MARTIN I wanted nothing for free.
Nothing came for free at our place anyway.
MARKUS ZUSAK (Wrestling) teaches you nothing comes easy. Nothing in life comes easy, so you have to work at it.
MIKE SULLIVAN You mustn't always believe what I say. Questions tempt you to tell lies, particularly when there is ...
PABLO PICASSO It comes from the trenches we put across the faults to look at the time of past earthquakes. It come...
DAVID SCHWARTZ Happiness is within. It has nothing to do with how much applause you get or how many people praise y...
MARTIN YAN You asked me to go out with you. I know you probably changed your mind. But you should know, the ans...
SARAH DESSEN King Solomon was right, when he said that there is nothing new under the sun because, very rarely yo...
DR HITESH C SHETH When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole ...
JAY WICKRE I will tell you King's First Law of Recognition: You never get it when you want it, and then when it...
BILLIE JEAN KING When we're knocking them down, it gets frustrating for the defense. When we're not knocking them dow...
CAMERON BENNERMAN You don't find interesting stuff because you don't search enough, ... every book has it's own lesson...
DEYTH BANGER Opportunities comes from knocking on doors until they open.
SOURCE UNKNOWN Nothing good comes easily. You have to lose things you thought you loved, give up things you thought...
SHAUNA NIEQUIST When the moment comes to stop running from your past, to turn around and face the thing you thought ...
RICK YANCEY When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
SOURCE UNKNOWN Nothing surprises me when it comes to people in the entertainment business.
ADAM GOLDBERG When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA You mustn't always believe what I say. Questions tempt you to tell lies, particularly when there...
PABLO PICASSO people dont know you till they meet you. dont smile if you dont want to, dont be a false person, don...
CAROLINA JANETTE GOMEZ GONZALEZ WhatEver May Be The Problems, Dont Be Afraid, Think That They Are The Questions Infront Of You As An...
P. P. GURUMAULI ANNA SAHEB MORE I will tell you King's First Law of Recognition: You never get it when you want it, and then whe...
BILLIE JEAN KING I can't tell you where a poem comes from, what it is, or what it is for: nor can any other man. ...
A. R. AMMONS Polls only tell you want has happened in the past. They cannot accurately predict the future.
JASON KLINDT Be scared. You cant help that. But dont be afraid. Aint nothing in the woods going to hurt you unles...
WILLIAM FAULKNER No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris. -- Orville Wright.
ORVILLE WRIGHT Failure is not the final fall.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA The next four-story townhouse that comes up on Alexander will go in the fives.
SID MILLER When someone won't let you in, eventually you stop knocking.
RANSOM RIGGS Don't lie to yourself?
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS When you see an Alexander McQueen fashion show, you are taken on a journey. It's surreal.
JOSEPHINE DE LA BAUME Music is like a psychiatrist. You can tell your guitar things that you can't tell people. And it wil...
PAUL MCCARTNEY Peleus acknowledged this. "Yet other boys will be envious that you have chosen such a one. What will...
MADELINE MILLER When you walked in that house, you saw nothing of that past life.
MIKE WOOLDRIDGE There are hundreds of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings around the United States and in other countries, ...
JANE SMILEY The mind never has anything new to say-all it knows is of the past.
BERT MCCOY If you kill Trailblazer, you might as well kill NSA. Gen. Alexander has no choice but to find a way ...
JAMES BAMFORD We're not asking Hartford to lose money. All we're asking is that when there is new money, a disprop...
MARILYN ONDRASIK Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the ...
JOSEPH CAMPBELL I think that when the lies are all told and forgot the truth will be there yet. It dont move about f...
CORMAC MCCARTHY There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.
MIGUEL RUIZ There's nothing better when something comes and hits you and you think 'YES'!
J.K. ROWLING Integrity involves the ability to stand straight when you tell your truth, and still stand straight ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR When you give, you will be blessed. When you give, it will be given back to you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL I think true economic class unhappiness comes from when across the street someone has a new Cadillac...
JAMES GRAY The thing with Stephen King is that everyone dies, and everyone comes back to life. So you never kno...
NATALIE MARTINEZ You People Have The Answer To Everything But The Solution To Nothing.
DONALD C HALL Evidently, I'd suffered an epiphany: the subconscious realization that when it comes to coolness, no...
TOM ROBBINS I know of nothing more valuable, when it comes to the all-important virtue of authenticity, than sim...
CHARLES R. SWINDOLL If real love comes knocking do not ignore it invite it in, because it might never come again.Gary F ...
GARY F EVANS... Talent is something that comes from within; it has nothing to do with age.
AURORA It's so different and it's hard to readapt. Whole new classes and you dont' know where you're going.
JENNY SMITH Grey, just breathe. I love you. Unless you can tell me, without lying, that you dont love me back, ...
JASINDA WILDER Youll never get mixed up if you simply tell the truth. Then you dont have to remember what you have ...
SAM RAYBURN That's when I gave up pinball. When the times comes, everybody gives up pinball. Nothing more to it.
HARUKI MURAKAMI Nothing is certain when it comes to the ways of women, of that I'm sure.
JACOB ATKINSON A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
THOMAS PYNCHON

More Steven Alexander Wright

If you have an issue, get a tissue.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT The past can haunt you, but so can ghosts. The future can be unpredictable, but so can the stock ma...
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
STEVEN ALEXANDER WRIGHT When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str...
STEVEN WRIGHT A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...
STEVEN WRIGHT I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Black holes are where God divided by zero.
STEVEN WRIGHT Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo...
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
STEVEN WRIGHT My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b...
STEVEN WRIGHT George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
STEVEN WRIGHT The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
STEVEN WRIGHT If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t...
STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an...
STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough.
STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w...
STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th...
STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g...
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-...
STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often?
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro...
STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film...
STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex...
STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The...
STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ...
STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark?
STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja...
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i...
STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord.
STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f...
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during...
STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi...
STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force...
STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age?
STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I&#...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black...
STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually...
STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe...
STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant...
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right...
STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t...
STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world......
STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'...
STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c...
STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W...
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u...
STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament...
STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub...
STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices,
STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact...
STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W...
STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba...
STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT