When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?