I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.