Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.

My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.