Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows

I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her "before" picture.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.