The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.