“The good book tells you to ‘love thy neighbor’, the bad book tells you how to.”

If you can lick your own elbows, you're ET's cousin

If you say 'shit happens' I am just gonna have to say 'guess you're not toilet trained huh'.

If you can’t beat em, buy em out.

If you can’t do it with a 'click', it must be one of those things they call impossible to do.

My dad's very creative. I am the proof.