My dad's very creative. I am the proof.

Walk a mile in my shoes, and you'll know I have really small feet.

According to the old testament, the married man shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, NO DEAR, and according to the new testament, he shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, ABSOLUTELY DEAR.

When in doubt, whether to go with your heart or your mind, go with neither. Go with your ass!

If life gives you lemons...you know you have a Herculean hangover. Either that, or you're holding Tequilla shots in both hands.

If you can lick your own elbows, you're ET's cousin