When in doubt, whether to go with your heart or your mind, go with neither. Go with your ass!

My dad's very creative. I am the proof.

Walk a mile in my shoes, and you'll know I have really small feet.

According to the old testament, the married man shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, NO DEAR, and according to the new testament, he shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, ABSOLUTELY DEAR.

If life gives you lemons...you know you have a Herculean hangover. Either that, or you're holding Tequilla shots in both hands.

If you can lick your own elbows, you're ET's cousin