If you say 'shit happens' I am just gonna have to say 'guess you're not toilet trained huh'.

If you can’t beat em, buy em out.

If you can’t do it with a 'click', it must be one of those things they call impossible to do.

According to the old testament, the married man shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, NO DEAR, and according to the new testament, he shall live by the rule - YES DEAR, ABSOLUTELY DEAR.

If you can lick your own elbows, you're ET's cousin

My dad's very creative. I am the proof.